Log in    Register   

Login to your account

Create an account

The name you entered is not valid.
Please enter a valid username. No spaces, at least 2 characters and must not contain the following characters: < > \ " ' % ; ( ) &
Password invalid.
The passwords you entered do not match. Please enter your desired password in the password field and confirm your entry by entering it in the confirm password field.
Invalid email address
The email addresses you entered do not match. Please enter your email address in the email address field and confirm your entry by entering it in the confirm email field.
* * Required field

Welcome, Guest
Username: Password: Remember me

TOPIC: I'm scared of going to court...

I'm scared of going to court... 1 year 8 months ago #20180

  • wiggyste
  • wiggyste's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • My Fight For Kyron
  • Posts: 17
  • Thank you received: 1
Hi,

I received some great help from some people on here with filling the C100 form in. I submitted the form to the court last week and I'm dreading when the day comes to be honest.
I'm defending myself because I can't afford a solicitor and not entitled to legal aid and I'm just so worried about screwing up. I fear I will breakdown in court,probably to tears. I'm not sure what I even have to take.... I've got texts that I've backed up from my phone to a PDF which I will print out (Over 100 pages),photos of my son and I when we had contact, a timetable that I created and gave to my ex of dates and times that I could have my son..that's about it.
I'm the sort of person that shakes in front of the class when doing speaking and listening... I get very nervous in these situations.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Regards
The administrator has disabled public write access.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Nannyjane

Re: I'm scared of going to court... 1 year 8 months ago #20188

  • Nannyjane
  • Nannyjane's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Nanny knows best!
  • Posts: 4214
  • Thank you received: 1113
Hi there :)

Well done for getting the ball rolling!

Just a few tips that might help...instead of thinking you cant do this try telling yourself you can...replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Pin some of those photos of your son up in a prominent place and everyday tell him you can do this, you will be ok and it will all work out in the end. This is called positive affirmation and it might help to boost your confidence.

Nerves are actually a good thing, actors and performers all say they suffer from nerves, even to the extent of throwing up backstage before walking out there and giving a fantastic performance! So I think nerves are something we all get from time to time.

Remember that the judge and the other officials will know that you are not used to appearing in court and they will make allowances for any little mistakes you make. More importantly they will already have respect for you because of the effort you're putting in for your child. Just be yourself and if you think you might be a bit tearful, make sure you have some tissues in your pocket. Take some water in with you and if it gets a bit much ask for a minute or two to compose yourself. Stay calm and reasonable and dont interupt when others are speaking. You could phone the courts and ask them if they have any information sheets on what to expect, and you could ask them if there are any rules that you should be made aware of. Preparation is key, and the more prepared you are the more at ease you will feel.

Arrive at court in a suit if possible, no trainers or jeans, first impressions count! You will need to have copies of everything in triplicate...one for you , one for the judge and one for the other side, I think. Get up nice and early, theres nothing worse than being in a rush to make you flustered! Get to the courts in good time too and arrange your papers in the order you want to submit them, numbering the pages might help, incase they get mixed up. Try not to mumble or talk into your chest, you want to make eye contact with the judge whilst you're talking to him or answering his questions....so look up and talk clearly and not too fast. If you have written a statement, try reading it out loud until you feel comfortable with how it sounds and are familiar with its contents.

If you still have doubts you can look into asking for a family member to accompany you, ring the court and ask if this will be allowed, if not you could ask them about a McKenzie friend. I dont know a lot about McKenzie Friends but you could google it and get some more information.

Good luck with everything, I'm sure you will be fine :)
Mum and Grandmother, supporting my son who has residency of his son....Custody should be decided purely on ability, not on gender! I want to see a much fairer system in place, where Dads and their children have a voice that can be heard! There are many groups of people that have equal rights within our society and its about time Dads were given equal rights too! In training to become a MCKENZIE FRIEND...on hold at the moment
Last Edit: 1 year 8 months ago by Nannyjane.
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Re: I'm scared of going to court... 1 year 8 months ago #20211

  • Darren
  • Darren's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 1073
  • Thank you received: 144
Hi There,

Nerves are natural, and no matter how much you tell yourself all will be ok, your head will argue (and generally win!!)

Go to the fathering children section and at the top is my story of court, it will give you an idea of what to expect and how it feels.

As nannyjane has said being prepared is the key, the more prepared you are the easier your visit will go and the more relaxed you will be.

once you have been through court you will feel very relieved, it won't change the nerves next time they will still be there but you will know what to expect,

I've been to court 4-5 times now and I have to go again on the 3rd December, I am able and have stood in front of 100 plus people and addressed them at conferences but court still scares me, and again as nannyjane has said if it didn't scare me I would be even more worried.

The nerves and the tears are exactly why you should represent yourself and why some (more reputable) solicitors will recommend that you represent ourself. The reasons are that rather than being seen as vulnerable the judge will pick up on your emotions and how genuine your feelings are. These are lost when you take a solicitor with you.

keep visiting here and talking things through, if you need anything answered just ask.

Darren
DadTalk moderator

I'm not a legal proffesional and don't have any legal experience other than going through court myself. but offer my experience to help others
The administrator has disabled public write access.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Nannyjane

Re: I'm scared of going to court... 1 year 8 months ago #20213

  • wiggyste
  • wiggyste's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • My Fight For Kyron
  • Posts: 17
  • Thank you received: 1
Thank you both so much for replying. I received information back from the court today. I will have to go to court 8th January which means i probably wont see my son over XMAS unless a miracle happens and she opens her eyes to what she's doing (Not Likely). At least i've got plenty of time to get my stuff together. Thanks for the reassurance, i know i can do it, it's the thought of the whole process that scares me and the fact that this could go on for years like many other people on here.

Regards
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Re: I'm scared of going to court... 1 year 8 months ago #20215

  • desperatedad
  • desperatedad's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 26
  • Thank you received: 2
I know how your feeling im waiting for date for first hearing im dreading it I have not spokn to my wife since june or seen my children I dont even know how I react part of me feels that I will breakdown because I still love her but the other side of me will want to rip her head off keeping out of my kids lives for 5 month and making go to court to see a little boy and girl i created while she just takes control of them and decides her own rules
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Re: I'm scared of going to court... 1 year 8 months ago #20231

  • actd
  • actd's Avatar
  • OFFLINE
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 6274
  • Thank you received: 866
One thing that may be useful - it's not like a criminal court where cross examination is designed to catch you out. In a family court, the court is there to help achieve the best result for the family, and especially the children. You will probably be asked questions, and all you have to do is answer them honestly, and if you ex throws any accusations at you, don't lose your cool, just counter without throwing any accusations back (unless you have definite proof).

You'll do fine :)
DadTalk moderator

I am not qualified in family law, or other area of family matters. I am simply a dad who has been through the mill. Any opinions I give are my own, and any advice should be checked before acting on it.
The administrator has disabled public write access.
Time to create page: 0.130 seconds

Dad Partners

Family Matters Institute Dept. for Education Step Change Children's Legal Centre
DWP National Family Mediation CMEC Memset
OneplusOne CMO