Helping at the birth: what can you do?

You've painted the spare room, had the hospital bag packed for weeks and planned your journey to the hospital. But your involvement doesn't stop there...the support you give your partner at the birth can make a world of difference. So what can you do to help? 

Around 93 per cent of British fathers are present during the birth of their babies, an experience that most find overwhelmingly positive.

All parents are nervous at the thought of the birth - especially if it's the first time. You're unlikely to faint, even if you're scared of blood, but if you feel queezy, get out of there quick, find somewhere cool and drink some water - don't put the midwives in a position of having to look after you.

• The hospital bag: what do we need?

The roles you can play

The important thing
The most vital thing is for you to be calm and focussed on her needs. Knowing what might happen, the choices available and the birth plan can all help you feel calm and in control.

Many couples discuss their birth plan, including your role as the father, in their antenatal classes and it differs for each couple.

• Some men want to be a kind of coach in the delivery suite, directing their partner; others merely a witness who observes without playing an active part.
• Often, the ideal lies somewhere in between - a teammate - who gives support when needed.
• Make sure you discuss the role you want to play at the birth between yourselves, so that she knows how you feel about being at the birth and that you understand what she needs from you.

During labour your partner may change her mind about certain things that were in the birth plan. She may have said she doesn't want an epidural, but it could all change during the labour. Try to be aware of what she needs - you may need to voice these changes to the medical staff.

• Being at the birth: pros and cons

Focus on her needs

Most women in labour have basic needs:

• Pain relief.
• Physical support.
• The constant presence and reassurance of a supportive person. 
• Someone to tell them what's happening.
• Pain relief at the birth: what are the options?

The important thing is to focus on what your partner needs for a healthy birth. Remember, by being there and supporting your partner you can help shorten labour, decrease the need for medication and for a Caesarean and even improve things for your baby.

Here are some tips on ways you can help:

Stay close

• Sometimes labour can go on for hours, even days. It may seem like a long wait but Sod's Law says that the minute you nip out for a paper she'll need your support - so try to stay close and be aware of what's going on.
• There will be natural breaks for you to take a breather, particularly during the early stages, between contractions.

Touch and Massage

• Physical contact can be soothing and comforting.
• Massages can also help. Some women feel intense pain in the lower back during labour. Ask her to lie on her side and give her a good back-rub, using lotion.
• Pillows, towels, blankets or warm flannels under her back can help.
• Some women also appreciate a foot rub.

Do bear in mind, though, that however much your partner enjoyed being massaged beforehand, she may not want to be touched during labour, especially during the later stages. 

Movement

• Help keep your partner active by walking around with her. If she's lying down, help her to change position frequently as this eases backache.
• A bounce on a birthing ball (a big, air-filled yoga ball) can relieve contraction pain.

Sipping and snacking

• Your partner may have a dry mouth so offer her water or juice to drink or ice to suck on, and also lip-balm.
• She'll also need energy so encourage her to snack if she can stomach it.

Cooling

• Contractions may make her hot and sweaty. Dab her face and body with a cool flannel or use a water spray or even a water pistol, which will either make her laugh or get you a slap.

Relaxing

• Now is the time to apply those antenatal class relaxation techniques, such as tightening and then relaxing every muscle from head to toe.
• Encourage her to rest between contractions to prevent exhaustion.

It's also important for you to avoid showing too much of your own anxiety to your partner. You may feel nervous and anxious, but it's really not going to help her if you start focussing on your feelings - indeed, it's more likely to complicate things and add to her stress.

Breathing

• Breathing techniques are useful during contractions as a way of exhaling tension. They often involve a deep breath and then sighing after each contraction.

Cleaning up

• At some point her waters will break, and the effort of labour may also make her pee or poo. Don't be alarmed as it is a natural and normal part of childbirth.

Pictures and privacy

• Many women want their partners to take pictures of the delivery or to film it.
• Some prefer to be partially clothed and covered during labour, and to keep the camera zipped up in the hospital bag.
• As with all things, even if you've discussed what she wants before hand, double check to make sure - she might change her mind when the reality of childbirth hits!
• Babys home: what next?

Author

Gavin Evans is a father of two daughters - aged 17 and 13 - and lives in North London. 15 years ago he changed gear from being a full-time reporter to full-time parent and part-time journalist. His writing on issues affecting fathers has been published in a wide range of publications including The Guardian, The Independent, Men's Health, Cosmopolitan, The Times and The New Statesman. He has written five books on sport, a chapter on men in Your Pregnancy Bible and is completing his first screenplay. Gavin also regularly posts blogs at www.gavinevans.net.

Your thoughts

Got any other tips and ideas for other dads? Why do you think there's such a powerful idea around that dads are either useless, or faint in the delivery room? Use the comments system below to add your thoughts.