Miscarriage

Miscarriage – losing the baby before it’s able to survive outside the womb – is an unfortunate fact of life. They can occur for a variety of often unidentified reasons, and may affect you and your partner in different ways.

Also known as a spontaneous abortion, a miscarriage can be devastatingly traumatic or something neither of you is aware of. It often depends on when it happens: early or late in the pregnancy.

Early miscarriage

Most miscarriages occur in the first trimester (the first 12 weeks). At least one in five pregnancies end this way.

Most miscarriages occur in the first trimester (the first 12 weeks). At least one in five pregnancies end this way. Your partner might not even know that she’d been pregnant, assuming instead that she was having an extra-heavy period.

• Early term miscarriages are more common with older mothers.
• They are also common with those who smoke, have fibroids, diabetes, lupus or who’ve had previous miscarriages.
• Half are caused by chromosomal abnormalities – this is nature’s way of dealing with defects that prevent the foetus’ development into a healthy baby.

Later miscarriage

• Can be caused by a problem emerging during the pregnancy or by a pre-existing medical condition.
• As soon as the womb starts to expel the foetus, the miscarriage cannot be prevented, and pieces of tissue are passed. This can be extremely painful.
• One sign is heavy vaginal bleeding, although this doesn’t mean a miscarriage is inevitable.
  
• An ultrasound will show whether the womb is empty. If it isn’t, the lining may be cleaned out under anaesthetic.
• Your GP may also advise your partner to wait to see if her body expels the remaining tissue naturally.

How will my partner cope?

All women cope in different ways. How your partner feels could depend on how far the pregnancy has progressed, as well as on her age, personality and whether you’ve been trying for a baby for a long time.

• For many women there is deep shock and intense sadness at losing the life growing inside them, and it can take a while to get over it.
• Some go through the classic stages of bereavement - shock and emptiness, anger, sadness, depression and finally acceptance.
• Some women blame themselves – unfairly because it is rarely something they could have prevented.

How can I support her?

You too might be hurting, particularly if the miscarriage takes place later in the pregnancy and you have developed an attachment to your baby.

• Some men respond by becoming withdrawn or by burying themselves in their work, which can be misinterpreted as not caring. This is not the time to retreat.
• Many couples who have been through a miscarriage find it helpful to talk to each other about how they feel and what they are going through.

Try again?

Sure, but not necessarily immediately. Some women prefer to take a rest before having another go. Bear in mind that having one miscarriage does not make it inevitable that you will have another.

Factors that may increase the chances of a further miscarriage include pre-existing medical conditions, such as antibodies in the blood that prevent the pregnancy from implanting properly. These are conditions that can be treated.

Author

Gavin Evans is a father of two daughters - aged 17 and 13 - and lives in North London. 15 years ago he changed gear from being a full-time reporter to full-time parent and part-time journalist. His writing on issues affecting fathers has been published in a wide range of publications including The Guardian, The Independent, Men's Health, Cosmopolitan, The Times and The New Statesman. He has written five books on sport, a chapter on men in Your Pregnancy Bible and is completing his first screenplay. Gavin also regularly posts blogs at www.gavinevans.net.

Your experiences?

Have you and your partner gone through a miscarriage? How did you cope and what were the most useful things you did? Share your experience and wisdom with other dads using the comments system below.