What can a dad expect from a good maternity service?

It’s official: Government says that maternity services should focus on the mother but be family centred or family friendly – that means you too should feel at the centre of things, fully informed, not on the edge.

Duncan Fisher, CEO of the Fatherhood Institute writes exclusively for Dad Info on what you should expect.

What should the maternity service feel like for me?

You should feel welcome in all sorts of little ways - midwives and staff should make eye contact with you and talk to you.

You should feel welcome in all sorts of little ways – midwives and staff should make eye contact with you and talk to you. Magazines in waiting rooms should be for men as well as women.

Hopefully you will see Dad Info posters on the walls! You should find two chairs put out when you attend appointments with your partner.

• The dad pregnancy timeline  

What information should a maternity service have about me?

Your name and contact details should be recorded and you should be told if/how this information will be kept confidential (you can have any data about you amended or removed at any time.) A mother can legally give information about you without your permission, but then the maternity service has to make contact with you.

What should we expect from our midwife?

• to have the support from a midwife you know and trust throughout the pregnancy to just after the birth
• to engage with both of you, find out what you want – it is a “partnership”, to use the official term, and it includes you
• to include you in developing the care plan for the pregnancy
• access to discuss any serious worries with the midwife, separately from your partner, just as your partner has the same right to confidential discussion  
• Helping at the birth: what can you do?  

What should I expect from antenatal classes?

Expect...
You should be specifically invited to antenatal classes, held at a time you can make it, and you should be asked what you want to discuss

• to be specifically invited to classes
• to feel welcome at them and to have equal input - you should be asked what you want to discuss
• the sessions should be sensitive to your cultural and religious beliefs
• held at a time and place that you can get to them
• antenatal classes should give you a clear understanding of your role at the birth (if you and your partner decide you should be there)  
• What goes on at an ante natal class?  

What choices should my partner and I have about the birth?

• where you want to give birth – at home, in a local unit run by midwives, or in a hospital with full medical facilities
• a maternity service outside your local area. If you choose this, all the handover arrangements should be made clear to you. For information about every maternity unit in UK visit www.birthchoiceuk.com  
• Birth plan? What's that all about?  

What information should I receive?

If you feel that all the information is going to your partner and you are left on the sidelines, it is not you that is in the wrong – the service is. This is what information you definitely should get:

• health issues, over which you have such a massive influence – smoking, breastfeeding, mental health
• where to go if you have particular needs (e.g. disability, health issues) or particular problems (e.g. conflict in the home or drugs/alcohol)
• what is expected of you during pregnancy, birth and after
• other local services that may be useful before/after the birth

Some maternity services give out information packs to parents. These should addressed to both of you.

What should I expect at the scan?

You should be welcomed and made a full part of the proceedings, particularly if the scan detects problems. You should be encouraged to attend the scan for your interest and support – discovering bad news at a scan alone is much worse.

• Scans: what to expect  

What if I am a young dad?

Maternity services should provide special sessions for very young mums and dads. Nick Hornby’s book, Slam, describes the horror of a teenage dad meeting one of his teachers at an antenatal class!

You should have time just with your partner and the midwife – not always with someone else present, for example, your partner’s mum.

You should receive information specially designed for you – not what is produced for thirty-somethings.

What should I expect at the birth?

You should feel welcome and be well informed at all stages by all the health professionals you meet, starting at the reception desk. You should have the opportunity to discuss options privately with your partner if that is needed, and if there is an emergency, things should be explained to you, particularly if you have to be parted from your partner (e.g. a Caesarean with full anaesthetic).

If you are sporting a camera for the first baby photos, someone should offer to take a picture of you! Your child will like these photos in future years. 

• The birth  

What should I expect post natally?

An opinion poll in 2007 found that 70 per cent of people think dads should be able to stay overnight with their partners. This might not be possible, but if not, you should at least write to your maternity service afterwards and ask them to change things in future. As a minimum you can expect:

• not to be treated like a visitor on the postnatal ward – you are the baby’s father and your partner’s main support
• to be offered help with bathing the baby and changing nappies if you want it- now is the time to learn from the experts! If you are away when mum is offered this help, it should be offered to you again when you get back
• the midwife should ask both of you about the birth and how you feel it went. It might not seem very important to you, but for some parents, talking about the birth can be essential
• given information about options for postnatal care – e.g. at your home or at the local Children’s Centre
• if/when the health visitor visits the home of your baby, they should ask to talk to you also, even if you live at another address  
• Babys home: what next?  

Why does all this matter?

Engaging with dads matters A LOT to mother and baby. Dads have a massive influence over the health of both mother and baby and are much more involved in day-to-day babycare than in previous generations, so they need the same kind of preparation as mums do.

And mums want dads to be well treated. A survey by the NHS in 2005 found that only 40 per cent of mums thought that maternity services were strongly encouraging of their partners. Interestingly, dads themselves were happier about this than the mums with 62 per cent being happy.

And finally, it is the law. The Equality Act 2006 states that all public services must set out to meet the needs of both women and men. Very often this does not happen. Even the Minister of State for Children, Young People and Families, Beverley Hughes, has repeatedly stated that “many fathers do not feel supported in their role by public services or receive the help they need”.

What should I do if I want to do something about the way I was treated?

If you and your partner feel either that the maternity service treated you badly, or particularly well, then write to the Head of Midwifery and let them know. Copy the letter to your local Maternity Services Liaison Committee (and if they invite you to join it as a user representative say yes!).

You can also copy your letter to the Fatherhood Institute which is collecting user feedback on maternity services and making recommendations to the Department of Health. Your letter will be treated as confidential and your name and the maternity unit will not be disclosed.

The Institute will not intervene directly with your maternity service – it is just too small to do that. But it will take examples of good and bad practice and hand them directly to ministers!

Also - use the comments system at the bottom of this page to share your experiences with other dads.

Author

Duncan Fisher is the father of two daughters. He's a social entrepreneur and loves building organisations. As co-founder and Chief Executive of the Fatherhood Institute, he's one of the key people shaping national and local policies and the public debate about fatherhood. Duncan was an Equal Opportunities Commissioner between 2004-2007 and serves on several Government task forces dealing with children's issues. He's a co-founder and the Chief Executive of Dad Info and is also involved in Do the Green Thing as a Trustee. 

Your thoughts

What kind of treatment did you receive in your maternity service? What do you think the key features of a maternity service that works well with dads are? Share your thoughts and experiences with us using the comments system below, and Dad Info will develop this article to reflect your views.