Family separation: how the UK gets it wrong

Enter the debate: add your comment at the end of this article.

Australia has a simple system: when parents separate, you get two lone parents, not one. So BOTH parents get help through the tough change from parenting together to parenting apart. Shouldn’t we be learning from this?

In the UK: the opposite. Only one continues to be a parent as far as the State is concerned.

Separation: Law and rights

This person is called . . .

The “lone” parent

The “lone" parent (although few actually parent alone) gets:

• Child Benefit and Lone parent ‘premium’
• Housing, priority social housing and Council Tax benefit
• free prescriptions, school meals and help with education costs
• child support payments from the other parent
• advice, financial and support for further education and seeking work
• employment tax credits, childcare tax credit
• special benefits if a child is disabled or has special educational needs

The "other" parent

The other parent (mostly dads, often described as “absent” although few actually are) gets

• nothing

Well… not quite…

• they are treated by the benefits and tax systems as a single person, as a non-parent.
• except: Child Support. They’re a suddenly a parent! But there’s no help if they fall into arrears or lose their job or get sick.
• but: there is one small benefit: if the kids spend regular nights with them, they pay less Child Support.
• If the kids spend half their lives with them, they only have to pay half the Child Support. Yes... that means that if the parents are sharing equally, one parent still has to pay the other.

• Child Support/maintenance

Surviving and thriving: what makes the difference to children of separated parents

The British way...

The UK system blocks parents sharing care of their children: when a baby is born, mums get 52 weeks’ off work – dads get 2 weeks. This sets the scene for the mother to be seen as essential; the father as disposable.

If you live together, you can work around these blocks – and many do. Despite the inequalities, UK fathers spend more time with their children than before, and more than many other European dads

• The world's most involved dads

After separation, some resilient families manage it: However, just over half of all separated fathers see their children less than once a week.

Predictably, separated parents tend to blame each other: 25% of the dads say “she won’t let me” and 25% of the mums say “he’s uninterested / unreliable.”

Making it work

And what do are we doing, our great British Society, to attempt to remedy this?

Nothing!

Does anyone take the parents by the scruffs of their necks and at least talk to them about it? No. Not unless they get to court (and only 10% get there - usually the hardest cases).

It doesn't have to be like this!

In Sweden, 35% of the children of separated families live more or less equally with both parents, or see the “other” parent almost daily! Why?

• they value fathers from before their babies are born
• they provide substantial leave entitlement
• they have good services for separating families
• their courts require parents to talk about sharing care

That’s now the same in Australia, where families get free mediation in walk-in centres and there are loads of services supporting high conflict families.

How can we make it happen here?

Supporting both parents to provide “cash and care” to their children after separation means an over-haul of the tax, benefits and child support systems.

We need to look at the costs of parenting for each parent, how much they share care and each parent’s income.

We need to:

• see fathers as INdisposable – that includes changing the maternity/paternity leave system
• when parents separate, make them explain why they can’t both play substantial roles in their children’s lives, rather than make them justify why this should happen
• review the tax, benefits and child support systems which are blocking this kind of sharing of care after separation
• provide proper services for separated and separating families, often through ordinary family services

Author

Adrienne Burgess, Research Manager at the Fatherhood Institute, is author of the groundbreaking book Fatherhood Reclaimed (Vermilion, 1997). Adrienne writes, speaks and trains on fatherhood in the UK, the US and Australia, pulls together the research evidence on fatherhood and interviews many fathers about their experiences – the best part of her job!

Your thoughts

What do you think? How does the UK system get it wrong for separating families? What should we change?