Why don't men think they're good with babies?

You may think you're going to be ham-fisted with a baby, but research shows that dads can be sensitive and skilled with babies and lots of women think they are too. So you're safe to be hands-on.

Women think you are great – even if you don’t

The Fatherhood Institute recently published a poll showing that more women than men feel that mums and dads are equally sensitive to babies. It seems some men just aren't that confident that they can look after their progeny.

So why do we underestimate our abilities with infants?

What does the research show?

That dads are sensitive to babies. For example, guys tend to respond to their newborns in much the same way as mums.

Researchers have looked at changes in heart rate, blood pressure and skin temperature when men and women see a baby smiling or crying. You can’t tell the difference between mums and dads. 

• The biggest myths about dads  

We’re affectionate

Fathers and mothers give their babies the same amount of affection. They adjust their speech in similar ways when talking to infants. They have the same style of speaking more slowly with shorter phrases and more imitation than when they speak to adults. 

• How dads affect newborn babies  

Baby-bonding is just as easy with dad

They usually bond as easily with their fathers as their mothers. Many studies of one to two year olds have found that the baby is just as close to dad as to mum. This is true even when fathers have only a little time each day with the baby because of long working hours.  

• Hanging out with a newborn  

Dads can handle it

Lots more men these days are in the co-pilot seat from the start. If your partner is unwell after the birth, for example recovering from a Caesarean section or experiencing post-natal depression, you'll find yourself holding the whole new family unit together.

Needs must, and dads learn babies as swiftly as mums, so if you're thrown in the deep end, there's no need to panic.

You should trust your instincts

All of this academic research is particularly interesting because it covers decades when there was little education for fathers in early parenting. It shows that we have huge capacities within ourselves, just like mums. We don’t need a lot of people to tell us what to do. We can trust ourselves.

So why do dads still doubt themselves?

I guess it could be because all parents – mums and dads – doubt themselves. But also, perhaps it's because most mums we know are better with kids than most dads we. It is because, usually, they spend vast amounts of their time caring for their baby on their own from the start, and loads of support. And we just don't tend to see many dads who've had a similar amount of time with their baby.

Learning on the job is the natural way forward - for mums and dads. So if you're feeling a bit reluctant to hold that tiny baby in your clumsy old hands, don't worry... just do it.

• Your newborn: do's and don'ts for the first few weeks  

Author

Jack O’Sullivan is author of He’s Having A Baby, the BBC guide to fatherhood (Dorling Kindersley, £12.99) and was a co-founder of Fathers Direct, which in 2008 was renamed the Fatherhood Institute. Father of two children, he is a former associate editor of the Independent. He is currently director of Think-O’Sullivan, a consultancy that supports communications in the social policy and health sectors.

Your thoughts?

How common is it for men to expect that they won't be any good with babies? Why do you think that some dads think this? Share your thoughts below.