TOPIC: My 8 year old son refuses to see me !

My 8 year old son refuses to see me ! 2 years 3 months ago #18030

My son, Ben, who is , stopped staying with me about a year ago and now does not want to see me at all. His mother will not help and says that she will not force him to do anything. I have a joint custody order and joint parental resposibility.
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Re: My 8 year old son refuses to see me ! 2 years 3 months ago #18035

Hi there,

Your ex has a responsibility to promote contact and make him availible for contact as and when the agreement is made.

How old is your son?

And did you have an informal or formal (court ordered) agreement in place?

Darren
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Re: My 8 year old son refuses to see me ! 2 years 3 months ago #18038

Hi Darren,
Ben is 8, I have a court ordered agreement. My ex will not encourage or persuade or promote the relationship in any way.

Richard
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Re: My 8 year old son refuses to see me ! 2 years 3 months ago #18041

Ok,

What you will need to do is go back to court for am enforcement order.

The judge should explain that it is her responsibility to make him available for contact and failing to do so is contemp of court.

Darren
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Re: My 8 year old son refuses to see me ! 2 years 2 months ago #18260

Is this forum just for dad's? Because if so I confess I shouldn't be here.
But just this topic caught my eye.
I feel think the mum is right for not forcing the child to do something he doesn't want. I wondered in the interests of the child, rather than just going to court and saying he must be handed over, is there not any mediation that can be looked into first in order to find out why the 8 year old does not want to go?
I feel at 8 they do have worries and concerns that are not always easy to express and rather than forcing him which I can't see is in anyone's best interests are there not other ways to find out why he doesn't want to go? Maybe perhaps once more has been found out about that, it is helpful to everyone to work towards making the lad feel more secure and as his father it would help you to know why he doesn't want to come rather than just forcing him to?
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Re: My 8 year old son refuses to see me ! 2 years 2 months ago #18266

Hi There,

You are more than welcome along as a Mum we don't discourage mums from joining in if anything we encourage as it gives a more rounded view for our members.

I know what your saying about a child being forced to do something they don't want too, I guess from my view of this and many other cases the child doesn't want to go as they haven't been encouraged or have maybe been encouraged to stay at home instead. By going back to court this would allow cafcas and the judge to look into the reasons for why contact has stopped.

The judge and cafcas will ensure that only what's best for the child will be ordered and they may enforce contact but this may be at a slow rate.

anyway welcome along and feel free to join in the discussions.

Darren
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Re: My 8 year old son refuses to see me ! 2 years 2 months ago #18365

Hi,
Firstly, may I say, I am personally, happy for you to be on this forum and thank you for your comments.
I appreciate what you say and will endeavour to explain further as I am desperate to resolve this in a way which respects the wishes and needs of all parties, especially those of my son and, will always welcome the observations of others.
I have never encouraged Mum to force my son to see me although he has not wanted to do so for a year now. Mum has up to this point refused to discuss any form of mediation or outside intervention. I have failed to get to the bottom of the reasons for him not wanting to see me even after many conversations, he shrugs and says that he just doesn’t want to.
I have avoided going to court for a number of months but now feel that I have already lost time watching my son grow and develop, I feel that there are important benefits to having a loving relationship between a father and son and that we are both missing out on these. The longer this goes on the more harm will surely be done to this relationship.
I honestly and openly welcome further comments which may lead me in the right direction..............

I am considering going to the solicitors for advice on how to proceed this week !
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