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Hanging out with a newborn

Dads hands lifting up a baby The most common question asked by dads once their new pride and joy arrives home from the labour ward is 'now what?' Unlike an Xbox 360 newborns don’t come with a manual letting you know which buttons to press to receive joy and excitement. So how exactly do you bond with your baby? Dad Info asked the experts...

Colwyn Trevarthen, a professor of child psychology advises that the best way to develop the paternal bond with a newborn baby is to let them teach you.

While many psychologists argue that a baby's mind can be moulded by the actions of their parents, he believes their brains have well-developed plans of their own.

Colwyn says: "Newborns simply like human company. They like to be touched, talked to and moved around. Babies are particularly receptive to light and vision. New fathers should give their babies lots of eye contact and facial expression."

Your newborn: do's and don'ts for the first few weeks

Bridge building

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Child psychology - Wiki Paternal bond - Wiki Eye contact - Wiki Facial expression - Wiki Baby talk - Wiki

Poking your tongue out is rude in adult circles, but Colwyn believes that such actions can build bridges with babies.
More seriously, Colwyn advises that people should be respectful and see babies as people and not just a cute plaything.
Touch is essential to get fatherhood off on the right foot.
Whilst it's cool to tickle, blow raspberries and various other ways of keeping the offspring entertained, Colwyn says that simply holding them in your arms is very important.
Rattles and toys are useful ice-breakers.
Babies' brains are particularly open to so-called contingent movement. This means they are fascinated with dads moving or operating toys in front of their eyes. Right.... Scalextric it is then lads!
Play time

Learn about each other

Although some dads find baby bonding as easy as speaking to their mother-in-law with a monster hangover, the process does get easier.
After all, it's not like chatting with your mates about football in the pub. Getting to know a baby, like all new relationships, takes time.
And both mums and dads can only become really good at looking after babies through practice - the more you do it, the more you'll get to know your baby.
It's for the kinds really... the best children's toys for dads

Don't give up when it gets hard

A common mistake that some dads make is to give up if the baby gets upset and starts crying - and hand the baby back to mum.
As long as basic needs are covered, this is a chance for your baby to learn to trust you for comfort - to learn your smell, the sound of your voice and the feeling of being held by you.
It's not necessarily hard to calm a crying baby, and you might feel that mum is just better at doing it, but she has no secret abilities for calming crying babies that you don't - she became good at it through practice, although she might have been able to spend a bit more time practicing!
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Get physical

Useful Links
Playing with your baby - BBC Play and Development - National Literacy Trust

Jonathan Clarkson, who lives near Edinburgh, knows a thing or two about the best way to play with newborns. A father of six-month old Asha, and three-year-old Sol, he knows what makes babies tick.

"Lots of physical contact is ideal for new dads to bond with their newborns" he believes. "Hugging, holding and blowing gently on them are great ways to form a relationship. Lying them on the floor and tickling their face with a towel is another useful trick."

Talk talk talk

From a biological perceptive, a baby's brain has a very similar structure to an adult's, it simply takes time to develop and understand.
Vocal communication is vital - speaking in a Barry White baritone voice may give your baby a sense of security, while higher pitched cooing sounds can be more soothing.
Try baby talk - shortening and simplifying the words and imitating the noises your baby makes.

Proffesor Trevarthen sums up: "The best way to talk to a baby is in soft and gentle tones. They like to hear a calm voice full of comfort and support. Barking at your baby like you do when ordering a Döner late at night in a kebab shop is not recommended..."