How to be a touchline dad

We all want our kids to do well at sport. But it’s important to keep things in perspective – with kids' sport it’s about them getting fit and having fun, not crushing the opposition. And the things you say and the way you behave at matches have a big influence on them. Here are five tips for being a model touchline dad.

As your kids get older, you’re likely to spend plenty of Saturday mornings shivering on the touchline as they run around after balls of various shapes and sizes. Despite the occasional touch of frostbite it’s great fun – and kids love it when their parents come to cheer them on.

But, as a weekend visit to any park will demonstrate, some parents take the whole thing far too seriously – screaming at the ref, bellowing at their children to try harder and generally making a spectacle of themselves. Worst of all, they’re setting a terrible example for their kids, who model their own behaviour on their dad’s antics.

To help you learn to be the perfect touchline dad, we spoke to Steve Watson, an experienced youth coach and founder of footy4kids – here are his five golden rules for soccer parents.

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One. Don’t live out your own childhood fantasies

The important thing
The most important thing for parents is not to live out their own childhood fantasies through their child Steve Watson - founder, www.footy4kids.co.uk

Inside every dad lurks a frustrated George Best – but if you’ve had kids of your own and still don't play for a Premiership team, it’s probably time to accept the fact that you’ll never score an FA Cup-winning goal at Wembley.

You also have to remember that your son or daughter is playing for their own fun and fitness, not for you. "The most important thing for parents is not to live out their own childhood fantasies through their child," says Steve. "You see a lot of parents on the touchline shouting and screaming at their kids, clearly trying to live out their own dreams. That’s definitely something to avoid."

Two. You’re not the coach

Even if you know your 4-4-2 from your 4-3-3, or a hooker from a flanker, remember that the coach probably knows a tad more than you about getting the best out of kids – that’s why he’s the coach and you’re the dad.

Who knows - maybe they've issued instructions to play a certain way for this match - like focusing on a passing game, or taking it up the wing and banging in crosses.

Your role is to spectate and offer moral support and encouragement – and provide a taxi service and post-match catering, of course. That’s why the first rule in Steve’s Parents’ Code of Conduct is "Parents must not coach from the pitch side during matches and training."

Got that? Good.

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Three. Is it really about the winning

Remember that old adage that it’s not the winning that counts, it’s the taking part? Well, that’s especially relevant in children’s sport. Steve says that even competitive matches are really just an extension of training, so although it’s nice to win, that’s often not the primary aim. "You should minimise the importance of winning," he advises.

"If you look at most kids playing football in the park, it’s unlikely that many of them will go on to win the World Cup. The focus should be on development, not winning. So in my teams I’m thinking about giving them all equal playing time, rotating the positions and teaching the kids tactics – a coach is rarely concerned with putting out their strongest team all the time."

Four. Encourage – don’t criticise

Even if your child has a stinker, try and find something in their performance to be positive about. Failing that, a consoling arm round the shoulder works wonders.

Try at all costs to avoid picking their performance apart or making critical comments – again, that’s the coach’s job, not yours. They will know how to be constructively critical, and you may end up confusing your child and eroding their confidence.

"If your child makes a mistake in a match, so what? We all make mistakes, and he certainly didn’t mean to do it, so don’t have a go at him for it," says Steve.

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Five. Show some respect

Kids take far more notice of what we do than what we say. So if you tell your daughter to behave but then stand there bellowing obscenities at the ref, what message does that give her? She’ll think that’s the way grownups respond to decisions they don’t agree with, so will copy you.

Even if you’re seething inside, keep it to yourself – that applies to the opposing team, their parents and both coaches, too.

"Go along to any kids’ football match at the weekend and listen to the parents screaming at the ref," says Steve. "What kind of message does that send out to the kids? You have to respect the officials. If a ref makes a bad call, it’s important to respect their authority and give a good example for your kids to follow."

Author

Dan Roberts is a feature-writer and columnist with over ten years’ experience of working for The Guardian, The Observer, The Independent, Daily Express and Mail on Sunday, as well as numerous national magazines. His areas of expertise include health, wellbeing, relationships, psychology and parenting. Dan also writes two monthly columns, including Diary of a Single Dad, a humorous but affectionate account of raising his ten-year-old son, Ben. The best of Dan’s work can be found on his website at www.dan-roberts.net

More tips?

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