Sex in pregnancy: The myths

There are lots of myths about health in general, but pregnancy seems to have more than its fair share, and sex in pregnancy has special myths all of its own. This is the worst one: You're having a baby, therefore you will never have sex again!

Worse, it's not strangers who tell you this, but your mates. Sex is apparently over, and will be forever second in line to the needs of your (as yet unborn) child.

You will be a parent, and thus your sex live will suffer, stutter, stop and die, and in the future your only sex will be alone in the shower. The pregnant woman – at least in these myths – becomes a precious vessel, capable only of carrying her unborn child, and certainly not able to do anything strenuous or sexy.

Forget the rumours…

Of course, this is nonsense. The proof is in the people who have a second (or third, or fourth, or more child) – but you knew that already. True, have a child and your relationship changes; that isn't a bad thing and more of that later. But the very real fears I've heard are that:

1. sex might harm the baby
2. the pregnancy hormones put women off sex in pregnancy
3. breastfeeding breasts are off limits for purposes of sex
4. we can only do the missionary position

• Your relationship when you have a baby

So let's see…

1. False. Penises will not harm the pregnant women or unborn child (unless the penis in question is eight feet long and abnormally sharp at the business end).
2. True. Pregnancy hormones may put women off sex in pregnancy. Some women may feel very much like sex immediately after a prolonged bout of morning sickness but I suspect that these women are in the minority. Some women may be pregnant and quite tired, but some women are not pregnant and quite tired. Some women like sex a lot during pregnancy (the whole fertility thing can be a bit of a turn-on.) But you don't need a stranger telling you that there are no rules, and the best way to work it out is between you and your partner.
3. False. The breastfeeding breast is just the same except it is usually a bit bigger and possibly a bit more sensitive than the non breastfeeding breast. For information, orgasm may or may not produce milk.
4. False. Although you may find that she won’t be able to do things that she was before there is always more than one way to skin a cat. In fact the missionary position is pretty much a no-go after the eighth month because the baby will be putting strain on her back but you might find that spooning her as she lies on her side is comfortable, and pleasurable, for you both.

• Sex in pregnancy

Author

Dr Margaret McCartney

Your thoughts

What myths have you heard? Do people still say this kind of thing? Discuss the issues using our comments system below.