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Using the family courts to reach agreement after divorce or separation can make a difficult situation even worse. But going to court is not inevitable. So what are the alternatives? Dad Info takes a look at what family mediation can offer.
Why should I consider mediation?
Research shows that children whose parents reach agreement through mediation are likely to find separation less distressing than when a dispute ends up in court. Parents who use alternative dispute resolution also report a greater degree of satisfaction. So how does it work?
Mediation or other types of dispute resolution focus on the areas that you and your ex partner are finding it difficult to reach agreement on. Trained mediators then work with you both to find a solution that works for you both. Issues that are commonly taken to mediation include:
- residence
- contact
- finance
- property
- education
If you reach agreement, they can prepare a legal document of your agreement - a consent order - to present to the courts.
What can mediation offer?
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Mediation is a chance to talk openly and honestly about the things that you need to make decisions about after separation. You will be working with trained mediators who are there to offer non-judgmental advice about ways to reach agreement around your children and other important issues.
Using alternative dispute resolution services such as mediation can offer you a feeling of ownership over the decisions you both take. It can also reduce the amount of time involved in reaching a decision and help you avoid the big legal fees involved if you have to go to court. This is clearly a benefit not only to you but to your children.
Mediation is also a great way to improve communication between yourself and your ex partner. Talking in a safe environment with a trained mediator means that you can both talk about the things that concern you. A good mediator is also able to help you express your thoughts clearly and find ways of reaching agreement.
Does mediation always work?
Mediation works well when both parties are able to come to the table with a willingness to find the best way forward together. The average number of sessions to resolve all issues is between three and five. This will depend on individual circumstances and the complexity of the issues that need resolving.
Choosing to use mediation does not prevent you from using the courts at a later date. You may also wish to seek legal advice as well as using mediation services, and should check the documents and proposals with your own solicitor. Many parents who have reached agreement through mediation will make return visits when their circumstances change.
How much does it cost?
Mediators are legal professionals so usually charge on an hourly basis, so the cost will be similar to using a solicitor.
Mediators do not:
- provide legal advice
- offer counselling
- impose decisions on you
Reaching agreement outside of the courts offers some real benefits to both you and your children. It is usually quicker, cheaper, more flexible and less hostile.
Author
Nick Woodall from the Centre for Separated Families works with all affected by separation, promoting policies that recognise men’s ongoing parenting input after a split. With two teenage children and a step daughter, he's been a separated parent for 13 years. In 2007 he wrote Putting Children First with wife and colleague, Karen.
He has also written on parenting and gender, applying an ethic of care to post separation parenting choices and barriers to men’s parenting post separation, and he works as a freelance writer and editor.
Buy a copy of Nick and Karen Woodall's Putting Children First: a handbook for separated parents
Your experiences?
What have your experiences of mediation been like? What was good - what was not so good? How would you advise other dads to approach mediation sessions with their ex partner? Use our comments system below to share your wisdom and experience.
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