Dad dot info form. Ask questions, get answers | DAD BLOGS: Ben | first thoughts.

first thoughts.

As much as I try to understand what is going on inside my son’s little head, I’ve come to realise that it’s impossible to really know what a toddler is thinking. I don’t suppose it’s possible to really know what anyone is thinking, but at least with an adult you can ask them and get something like a straight answer. By way of an experiment I just asked Jackson what was on his mind and no sooner had he replied ‘Nothing!’ than he changed his answer to ‘Dinosaur!’

By contrast, when I woke up this morning I was thinking about it being a new year. This, I realised, means that I will never again be able to say that the last time I saw my wife was last year. I was thinking Desreen rather than dinosaur. I really miss her.

Jackson woke up soon after I did and, although I knew he would have no idea what I was talking about, I wished him a happy new year. ‘Merry Christmas, Daddy!’ he replied much to my amusement.

He noticed that I was looking at this picture of Desreen and me from our wedding day on my phone. ‘That’s my daddy! I love you, Dad!’ he began. ‘And that’s my mummy! She’s got roses in her hair. She’s gone away in the sky. We miss Mummy.’

It turned out that our first thoughts of 2014 were roughly the same. It hurts me terribly that my little boy already has to face his life without her. And yet, after hearing what is on his mind today, I’m so grateful that a three-year-old boy, who lost his mummy when he’d only just turned two, seems as aware of her now as he was before she died nearly fourteen months ago.

Wishing you all the best for 2014.


This is syndicated content from Life as a widower

Content reproduced with the kind permission of Benjamin Brooks-Dutton

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the blogger and do not necessarily represent the views of

Related entries

Board Games

I used to play snakes and ladders with my family when I was a child. Being the youngest of three boys, it was one of the few games that levelled us all out. Winning tactics couldn’t really be deployed and experience mattered little in determining the final result... I...

tell them

The eighty-five-year-old driver who killed my wife, Desreen, was jailed just before Christmas for eighteen months for causing her death by dangerous driving. He was also banned from driving for life. I suspect he, his family and friends are feeling really quite...

los muertos

“Life can be really tough for the living.” – Mary Beth, The Book of Life It was Halloween this week and as I tucked Jackson up in bed late that night I realised that, of the two of us, I was the one that had spent the day scared. In fact these days I spend a lot of my...

Latest entries

What birth rate is needed to sustain a population?

What birth rate is needed to sustain a population?

Not the most romantic of pillow talk, but though having children is a completely personal choice there is also an optimal birth rate that is needed to sustain a population. And it is 2.1 live births per mother. 2.1 for a few reasons. Sadly even with the best medical...



Dads, do you struggle sometimes? Who do you reach out to for help? Debbie Pattison, a qualified counsellor at Fegans can answer your questions. Send them in to Ask Debbie at and if she can she will answer. Today’s question is from a hurt dad that hasn't...

Childcare: what are the options?

Childcare: what are the options?

Modern parenthood is about striking a balance between caring for your children and earning a crust. Many families need childcare options to balance the juggle. If you don't know your nannies from your au pairs, read our guide to childcare to help you decide...

Pin It on Pinterest