As most of you will know, it is a dangerous business being a Dad. Hazards lie waiting around every corner and every day we are required to put our bodies on the line to do the job that we love. So, in this week’s blog, the health and safety executive will write about the dangers of being a Dad and how to make sure that you don’t become another sorry statistic.
Children are dangerous. Don’t let the fact that they may only be three feet tall and have a smile that would melt the polar ice caps fool you. These little thugs are out to get you and if you drop your guard for even a moment, the chances are, they will. Below, we outline the five most common Dad injuries and offer some advice on how to remain fit, healthy and injury free.
The groin kick
This is often the first Dad injury suffered by most fathers. It usually happens when baby learns that her legs are for something and can actually bear her weight. The next stage is bouncing and little jumps. Unsuspecting first time Dads will often attempt to bounce baby on their lap. Almost inevitably, baby will kick Daddy in his meat and two veg and gurgle excitedly as Daddy turns pale and grimaces like the gargoyles on Notre Dame.
Children do feel affection for their fathers. Understandably so, because we are brilliant! There will, however, come a time when your little darling will think that biting you with his newly emergent teeth is a great sign of affection. Drawing blood is apparently the ultimate sign of loving your Daddy.
The shin-splint stamp
This usually happens during rough and tumble play. Your toddler will get up, and whilst wearing her new bright yellow Doc Martin boots, will tread on your shins. This can be excruciating especially if, like me, you suffer from shin splints.
This is when your toddler decides that exactly half way around the 3 mile country walk you are doing, they are tired. You then have to place said toddler on your shoulders for the next 30 minutes to get them back to the car. If you are really lucky, they will fall asleep whilst up there and dribble into your hair before you head off to A&E to fit that neck brace.
The hug head-butt
This is when your child gets so excited at seeing you that they run full pelt at you to give you an enormous hug. The problem with this is that until the age of thirteen, children do not develop an effective braking mechanism. So this means that if you are sitting down your child will most likely give your chest or your head an almighty Glasgow kiss. If you are standing up and your child is anywhere in the region of three feet high, this can be even more painful.
Modern parenting is much over-rated. Your father knew best. Leave fathering to those who are best equipped for the job – namely mother. We recommend that Dads take up less dangerous activities like hang-gliding, scuba diving and bear-wrestling.