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TOPIC: Co-sleeping with my son, safeguarding concern?

Co-sleeping with my son, safeguarding concern? 2 weeks 4 days ago #106386

I went to my sons school months ago for a meeting with his teacher, his mum and the headmistress. My son is nearly 5 now. He's been having some behavioural problems at school and they wanted to talk to us parents. Anyway, my ex partner has been putting our son in his own bed and shes been moaning at me because he cries in the night and wants to sleep with her, she says no and then he says he wants to stay at daddies. This has got her annoyed and she mentioned it at the meeting. When at the meeting the headmistress said "why do you have him in your bed". Im his biological father and my mum and dad had 5 kids and shared the bed with us at times. My mum is livid about this. Anyway, i said to the head that thats become normal for us, he has his own bed here but wants to sleep in my bed sometimes. I said "whats wrong with that", then she said it can cause 'behavioural problems' and that its also a SAFEGUARDING issue! I was stunned at the safeguarding bit and didnt know what to say! Im his father ffs! She then said to me in the meeting, what age would you like him to not sleep in your bed, and i said " when its natural for him to not want to".
Ive looked up co-sleeping and its not set in stone, people are 50/50 on it, some say it benefits the emotional development of kids and others say it doesnt. Most say its preference.
I was the only man in the room, was it sexism?
Ive let this affect me even though my mum said dont let it get to you.
Anyone?

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Co-sleeping with my son, safeguarding concern? 2 weeks 4 days ago #106387

hi,

i been dealing with this nonsense while going through the courts. my kids are aged 4 and 6. ex complains that why are they sleeping with me in same bed. she stipulated in court order that 6 year old must sleep in own bed. whats stupid about this is that the kids live with mum in a tiny over-crowded flat, and they all share beds! :p I been trying to get 6 year old to sleep in her own bed. but she struggles at times, wakes in middle of night and just crawls into my bed. i just had to bite my tongue when the judge was asking me about this too haha.

i think your mum is right. don't let it get to you. social worker didn't seem bothered by it. i think from age 6-7 is when kids should start to learn to sleep on their own.
The following user(s) said Thank You: stamina9008

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Co-sleeping with my son, safeguarding concern? 2 weeks 4 days ago #106388

Thanks mate, its good to know im not the only one that gets this type of bile.

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Co-sleeping with my son, safeguarding concern? 2 weeks 4 days ago #106389

its just your ex being a controlling jerk. interfering with your time with your kids. its very common for them to become controlling and always nitpicking and looking for faults. my ex also thought child was having behavioural problems. social worker looked into it, and just said its normal child development.

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Co-sleeping with my son, safeguarding concern? 2 weeks 4 days ago #106399

The safeguarding comment is miss-guided and stupid.

However, clearly you two, as parents, are at odds over how to raise the kids - and at what stage should they sleep on their own.

I have always been of the view that children, particularly those in two households, should learn some independence very quick. At any one point they will be with one parent and not the other.

Part of the development of any child, is to be independent.

And a large part of that is being able to sleep on their own - and put themselves to sleep if they had to. Including covering themselves, turning off the lights etc...

So I would understand your ex if she was irritated at this, particularly when there are problems at school.

The fact that she raised it at school however is inappropriate.

Nevertheless, I do advise that you think about this situation much more clearly and hopefully you should arrive at a situation where you are both co-parenting in a more compatible manner.


Note I am in no way judging you here.

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Co-sleeping with my son, safeguarding concern? 2 weeks 4 days ago #106400

court/cafcass like parents to complete a parenting plan. but the issue is if one or both parents will take it seriously or not:

www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and...tion/parenting-plan/

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Co-sleeping with my son, safeguarding concern? 2 weeks 2 days ago #106441

I think children do lots of their processing about life during their sleep, and in the night their subconscious does all their worrying! The key thing is to provide your son with reassurance and security, as that is what he is looking for in the night. It is really common for small children to want to get into bed with you, but it might help to give him what he subconsciously needs earlier, Having a quiet, calm and cuddly bed time routine will help settle him. If you and your ex follow a similar routine, ie bath, brush teeth, story etc then that may help him too, rather than for him to have to do different things when he is in different houses. You could also try telling him reassuring things that he can think about as he drops off to sleep, like that you love him, you are happy that you had fun doing something today, that you will be there all night and also what is happening in the morning. It may be that he is unsure of the plan the next day. I hope you all get some good restful nights :)
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Fegans Parent Support Worker
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