• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Telling kids about new relationship

Telling kids about new relationship 4 weeks 1 day ago #108366

  • matt98
  • matt98's Avatar Topic Author
  • Offline
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Fresh Boarder
  • Posts: 5
  • Thank you received: 0
Hi all, just after some advice, past experience etc

Have been separated from ex for about 18 months. Me and her have been on fairly friendly terms since, with the odd spat about money.

So I've been seeing someone new since Xmas and it's at the "serious" stage. I told the ex and she took it reasonably well.

So now I think I ought to tell the kids... but it obviously needs to be done with delicacy. My kids are 12 and 10, boy and girl. They've obv been affected by the split although outwardly they are cheerful and we have fun together when I see them, and the age they are at they're full of hormones, so I'm just thinking what's the best way to tell them. I'd like my new lady to meet them at some point in the future of course.

How would people recommend that the subject is broached? Thanks.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Telling kids about new relationship 4 weeks 1 day ago #108375

hi,

you could bring up the subject the next time you take your kids out. could start along the lines with "I would like you to meet my new friend, I think you will really like her..." and take things from there.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Telling kids about new relationship 4 weeks 1 day ago #108380

Have they got over and acceoted that you and ex are definatly never getting back together i think thats a realisation first before anything else can be seen or accepted with a clear view.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Telling kids about new relationship 4 weeks 20 hours ago #108388

  • Yoda
  • Yoda's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 2661
  • Thank you received: 450
I don't think there's a tried and tested formula for these type of discussions with our kids but in my experience I would say that its better to mention it a few times and ask if they have any questions and explain that they will get to meet her at some point. If you're on good terms with your ex, it might be an idea to let her know that you're going to tell them so that she can support them with these changes too. I would try to avoid asking them if they want to meet the new partner straight away and perhaps tell them they will meet her at some point. If you ask them to make that decision, it can put a lot of emotional responsibility on to the children. Obviously if they say they don't want to, you will have to deal with that as it arises. Small steps. Good luck.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Telling kids about new relationship 4 weeks 20 hours ago #108390

I would also suggest not asking if they are ok with you having a new partner as well..

Baby steps seems to be the way to go, mention your new partner and see what reactioj you get without talking to much about her. If you get positive engagement then you can move on to talking about her more.. of it is neutral then you may need to bring her up in conversation more until the response is a bit more positive (what is she like, when can we meet her, have you seen her again, what has she been upto etc), if the response is negative then take it slower and as someone else has said you may need to do some work first around their acceptance of parents relationship being over..

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Telling kids about new relationship 3 weeks 6 days ago #108406

  • actd
  • actd's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 11179
  • Thank you received: 1734
My kids met my last wife (ie new partner at the time) at a relaxed outside cafe/runaround - this meant that my self and my partner could sit at a table and the kids could run around and join us when they wanted, but weren't compelled to sit there, so they had control of their own situation. Worked extremely well.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Telling kids about new relationship 3 weeks 3 days ago #108437

I would echo the great advice on here, take it slowly, introduce the subject, and also give your ex a heads up too. Children are adaptable and I think it is great that you are thinking about them and their needs first, when you are talking to them, remind them of this - that they are your priority and that you love them so much and I am sure the rest will follow. Also give them choices, ie, 'would you like to meet...?' rather than 'I want you to meet...' will probably go down better!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Fegans Parent Support Worker

Telling kids about new relationship 3 weeks 3 days ago #108440

Hello Matt98, I would echo January's advice too, and I can say from personal family experience that going into a new relationship situation with children of any age (in our case they were adults with a very unexpected second marriage after bereavement) that too much was put on them too soon. There was not time for my family members to think, let alone get used to the idea. One step at a time, a neutral meeting place, and perhaps a sit down quiet time with your children about your new situation. January is right, kids are more adaptable than you think, adults on the other hand can be more unpredictable! Wishing you all the best,
Fegans Parent Support Volunteer.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

  • Page:
  • 1