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TOPIC: Pick-ups/drop-offs

Pick-ups/drop-offs 2 weeks 5 days ago #108567

Hi, looking for some advice. Wife and I divorced about a year ago after I met someone else, who I now live with. Ex has custody of 11yo daughter, who I have overnight once during the week and alternate weekends. I do the 20-minute drive to pick up daughter and drop her home again, but I think my ex should share the drop-offs and pick-ups. Ex says if she had moved daughter miles away then this would be fair, but as it stands I am the one who moved and she thinks 20 minutes each way shouldn’t be a problem for me if I want to see my daughter. She also argues that she does all the holiday childcare, and drives my daughter round for the rest of the week.

What are everyone’s thoughts on this?
Thanks, B

PS Where would I stand if I collect my daughter as usual but then text ex to say if she wants her back she’ll have to come and get her? Just thinking if she doesn’t agree to share the journeys then I might have to force the issue!

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Last Edit: by BobbyDad. Reason: Added PS

Pick-ups/drop-offs 2 weeks 5 days ago #108568

Don’t take this the wrong way but she sounds reasonable sorry.

You have to do the trip once/twice a week while she probably drops your daughter at school and anywhere else.

Again don’t take it the wrong way but 20 mins sounds nice and convenient plus you’ll get the extra car journey time together.

In terms of saying you won’t give her back unless she comes to get her- this can only end badly in my opinion. This could give her a reason to stop contact by claiming you would not return child.

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Pick-ups/drop-offs 2 weeks 5 days ago #108571

I totally agree with Rhys. If you have a good read at many other posts on this forum you will see how the arrangement that you currently have is what many others on here would strive to have.

If a 20 minute drive is your only concern then you are in a great place. Debating whether you do such a drive can only end badly especially if you have already broached this and she has said no.

Imagine if your ex went onto similar mums forums and asked the questions but in reverse eg ex isn't prepared to do 20 min drive each way to see daughter even though I do all the driving during the other times and I've explained this what should I do... Just think of the advice they may be given (other than the fact you both have it great) which would include stop contact, let you take it to court, prevent access, he sounds unreasonable do you really want your daughter seeing him and what example is he setting her etc etc... I don't agree with this advice but it may well be what is given and can lead to an unintended chain of events.

Considering that she has also conceded that if she moved further away then she would share the driving I would say make peace with it and enjoy what you have.

Please do not take anything I have said in the wrong way, we are all here to support.

Thanks

Daddyup..
The following user(s) said Thank You: kerplunk202, rhys88

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Pick-ups/drop-offs 2 weeks 5 days ago #108579

20 minutes is pretty minor. i travel 20-30 mins to pick up and drop kids. ex doesn't drive. arguing about this never crossed my mind. i will be doing 5 pick ups and drops this coming week lol. if your travel time became 2 hours+ each way, then would be reasonable to get ex to share the travel.

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Pick-ups/drop-offs 2 weeks 4 days ago #108596

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I agree with the above - if you try to argue about it, you will come of with less contact, and I would think if you went to court, a judge would not look kindly on you. Your ex may well be doing the driving around in other ways to look after your children in any case.
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Pick-ups/drop-offs 1 week 3 days ago #108759

Hi BobbyDad,
I agree with the others. Try if you can to focus on the positives of the situation: i.e You are able to see you daughter on a regular basis, she is happy to spend time with her dad, and a 20 minute drive is better than an hours bus trip. Kind Regards, Fegans PSV

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