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TOPIC: Surprising Message

Surprising Message 1 month 3 weeks ago #110981

  • Ferfer
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Hello all, could do with a little bit of advice after a surprising message i received yesterday. I received an email directly from my ex, all discussions previous to this have come from her solicitor. This is the first time she has contacted me directly since Feb 2019!!!

The gist of the email was Dear xxxx (the dear surprised me) this email is to be used to communicate regarding the children (inform each other of any issues or medication)

She has offered me to pick up my two girls from school/nursery next month as it is my youngest 4th Birthday. Said I can pick them up and drop them off at 4:30. (this has shocked me)
She then goes on to say that I can see them on Xmas day between 2pm and 5pm. But has asked me to do this instead of having them on Boxing day which falls on a day I am supposed to have them for three hours anyway.

I was going to contact her solicitor about contact over Xmas, but I did not want to give up my Boxing day with them, the order states that children to be made available for special days. I have not replied yet, just unsure how to approach it.

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Surprising Message 1 month 3 weeks ago #110982

Persistently sending emails via a solicitor will rack up costs; your ex maybe getting to a frame of mind where she is realising the cost involved. A simple message re: xmas and birthday arrangements would potentially have cost her £50-£100 via her solicitor if some back and forth messages were involved. I would communicate with your ex directly now that she has opened up that channel of communication. Maybe at some point you can suggest communicating via Whats App, this is instant and less formal.

I think the norm is 2-3 hours with the non-contact parent on birthdays, so I would take what has been offered and it will keep things amicable.

Re: xmas schedule - you could ask for extended time over boxing day given that she has suggested additonal 3 hours on xmas day. I would politely thank her for being flexible and suggest that having them longer on boxing day would allow you to open xmas presents and have xmas dinner with them. All you can do is ask, you've got nothing to lose

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Surprising Message 1 month 3 weeks ago #110983

hi,

Agree with leader1978. If you disagree to all of that, then you will not be seeing your children at all, and have to wait for your next hearing. I think you should reply back and ask can you have the kids for a bit longer, taking into account the travel time for you to pick up and drop off kids, and you think that kids would love to spend more time with you. If she doesn't budge then your better off accepting her proposal until next hearing.

This controlling attitude and obsession with 1-3 hours contact is only temporary. You mentioned in other post that Cafcass have stated that these hours are unnaceptable. This will not go on for much longer. With final order, minimum court will give you is every other weekend, fri-sun, 2 weeks in summer holiday. and you can ask for half of school holidays. You can also ask for mid-week overnights if your job is flexible enough. with xmas and birthdays I recommend you ask for the days to be shared. so you have kids for 6 hours on those days. you could also pick up kids the night before and drop them off in afternoon. theres lots of options.

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Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer or trained professional. I am not in a position to give legal advice. Please consult a qualified professional for legal advice.
Last Edit: by Bill337.

Surprising Message 1 month 3 weeks ago #111013

  • Ferfer
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Thanks everyone. I replied saying Christmas is a special day and it is important the girls see us both on Xmas day. I did say that boxing day falls on my scheduled day and I was going to ask if I could have them longer that day. She refused that but she is allowing me to see them on boxing day too for the usual three hours. It is not what I wanted, but I am not going to argue with her as it will be great to see them two days in a row, I know they will love it too. I am even more excited about picking them up from school soon too, they always ask me when I will be picking them up from there, again, this falls on a Monday after I have seen them on the weekend,

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Surprising Message 1 month 3 weeks ago #111017

that's good to hear :) keep reminding yourself that this arrangement is only temporary, and it will improve a lot as your hearings progress and when this is all over.
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Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer or trained professional. I am not in a position to give legal advice. Please consult a qualified professional for legal advice.
Last Edit: by Bill337.
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