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TOPIC: Is there anything i can do to help my daughter

Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 5 days 13 hours ago #111771

  • Ferfer
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Hi all, I am looking for some advice please.

As some of you know, i have recently been back in to court and managed to increase the contact with my two girls (6&4) overnights are not starting as soon as i would like though. Recently, my eldest has been reaching out to me about how she feels. She tells me she misses me a lot, on Saturday she told me each night she goes to bed, she looks out of her bedroom window and tells me she misses me and wishes me goodnight. That really pulled on my heart strings. I asked her if she speaks to her mum about missing me, she says she does and that her mum just says "you will see him soon"
Yesterday, i picked them both up from nursery/school for the first time in two years. In the car, my eldest again said she wanted to tell me something. She said that she cries because she misses me so much. I asked her if she cries alone or does she go to mummy for a hug and to talk to her. She said she doesnt want people to see her cry and she goes and hides, she said that on Tuesday night her mum heard her crying and her mum went in to her room to speak to her. She explained why she was upset, but her mum doesnt seem to care or do anything about it and i am starting to worry about her.
My youngest has recently been diagnosed with autism, she does not talk a lot and finds it hard to communicate properly, but when I am with her, she acts like she never wants to let me go, she is clingy (which i do not mind at all) and she gets really upset when I get her coat and explain it is time to go.
there are no safe guarding issues from cafcass, my ex is very stubborn and does not seem to have the kids interest at heart at all. She has never raised concerns as me as a father.
Is this something i could possibly contact cafcass about or social services and ask them to get involved in this at all? I do really worry about my girls and how they are feeling right now. I want to do all i can to help them and get more frequent contact moving sooner.

Thanks

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Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 5 days 10 hours ago #111777

If you are concerned about your children then do contact social services and explain the situation to them. Look into the possibility of counselling for them too. Their needs come first. If you don't get the contact specified by the court and cannot discuss this with your ex, then you can go back to court to have the order enforced.

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Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 5 days 4 hours ago #111781

Hi Ferfer

This must be difficult. What I would say is that before contacting cafcass or social services consider whether what is happening is part of the natural journey kids go through when their parents separate and have to adjust to and get used to the way things are now, including the family court journey as contact is worked through. Different children take different amounts of time to adjust. Just as when together with ex you both have different ways of handling things, this is still the case now.

Although you may not agree with how your ex is handling the matter, is it something that really needs Cafcass or social services and all the complexity that involves, investigations, upsetting your ex, counter allegations, contact being stopped by an annoyed ex and kids being prevented from seeing you or worse alienated. etc.

Could you maybe suggest a separated parents course? maybe communication with the school, consider counselling when age appropriate?

If you feel that the children's welfare is at risk then yes make contact or enforce if the order isn't kept to.

Thanks

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Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 4 days 14 hours ago #111790

  • Ferfer
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Thanks. You are right, I think for now I will just document things and raise it with their mum if it continues. The new order in place has more contact and more frequent, so maybe my eldest will improve. She knows now that I will be picking her up from school every Wednesday and I think she is smart enough to establish the concept of time and it will give her something to look forward to and will hopefully stop her getting so upset.

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Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 4 days 1 hour ago #111798

That sounds like a plan. Soon there will be a routine and hopefully kids will settle.

Do you have any indirect contact in the meantime such as video calls etc? If not, consider introducing so that kids can maintain regular contact. Even if its just one day a week via Skype. Soon you will find they will contact you outside of scheduled contact, just because they can.

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Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 3 days 15 hours ago #111799

Stay Strong mate

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Only if I could have given my sons one last hug before they left

God is good and will return both of you one day

Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 3 days 11 hours ago #111800

Hi Ferfer,

naturally your kids will miss you a lot and be very emotional as they have not seen you in such a long time. It will get better when the regular routine is established, and they get to spend weekends with you, and school holidays I hope.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Syed-Ali

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Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer or trained professional. I am not in a position to give legal advice. Please consult a qualified professional for legal advice.

Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 1 day 14 hours ago #111832

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I was thinking of suggesting getting a cheap pay as you go phone so they can phone me if they are upset and missing me. I know their mum isn't always there as she works shifts. Hopefully her mood improves while the contact is increasing, she knows I will be picking them up from school every Wednesday and I know she will always look forward to this.

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Is there anything i can do to help my daughter 1 day 13 hours ago #111835

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For the cost of a pay as you go phone, you don't really have a lot to lose by trying.

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