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TOPIC: daughter very naughty for her mum but not with me?

daughter very naughty for her mum but not with me? 2 years 3 months ago #84980

My daughter of 6 lives with her mum and i have her every other weekend for 2 nights and eveey other sunday for the day and a thursday evening from school till 6.30 for swimming. I keep recieving messages and pictures from my ex rof naughtt things she has done! I couldnt even begin to imagine her even doing any of these things i.e wiping her poo all over the toilet i mean everywhere!! Drawing on things she knows she isnt allowed too. But yet she is good as gold with me over 2 years she has cried with me twice but never stepped out of line. Obviously she tries it on sometimes but it only takes a lower tone of voice to put the situation right. She hits kicks screams wont go to bed at her mums and its upsetting me knowing this is happening! Anyone else experienced this or have any ideas of what can be done?
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daughter very naughty for her mum but not with me? 2 years 3 months ago #84997

Hi There,
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I think a lot of the time it is about how you handle things, by the sounds of it, you are stricter than your ex, and she knows she has boundaries, as said she will push them, but you let her know when she has pushed too far.
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If your ex doesn't have that then she is going to act up more and becuase she doesn't get the same level of disciplin with your ex she will push further, it may be a cry for attention.
.
GTTS
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daughter very naughty for her mum but not with me? 2 years 3 months ago #85066

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I agree with GTTS , it sounds to me that she is seeking attention and doesn't recognise any boundaries with her mum.

Have you talked to your ex about what might trigger this behaviour? There's usually a reason why a young child reacts like this and it's worth trying to explore what's happening just before these situations happen.

It might be worth talking to the school to see if she is misbehaving, just to get a clearer picture.

Perhaps the three of you sitting down with her to talk gently about what's happening, if she sees you and her mum presenting a united front, it might help her behaviour.

All the best
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

daughter very naughty for her mum but not with me? 2 years 3 months ago #85150

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If you and your ex can work together, you could try a behaviour chart, whereby if she does well on that, then she gets ann agreed reward with you (or your ex if she'd rather) but you do have to agree to stick to it.
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daughter very naughty for her mum but not with me? 2 years 1 month ago #85893

I have a similar situation with my daughter who is now 5. According to mum our daughter has recently scribbled on the carpet with a black marker pen, answers back and simply will not go to bed at bedtime. I am hoping it is just a phase because she really is good as gold for me. I only have to raise my voice a little for her to understand right from wrong.

When we sat her down and had the chat about her behaviour she was still cheeky in front of her mum saying that she had pulled a funny face (look of disapproval!) 

Hopefully things will get better in time and it was just the end of the summer term that caused her to be naughty for mum.
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daughter very naughty for her mum but not with me? 2 years 1 month ago #85910

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If you can work together with your ex, then there is a much higher chance of getting somewhere. The star chart might still work, with the reward at the end being something you will do with her (if your ex agrees to that) - but you have to be prepared not to give her the reward if she doesn't get the stars on the chart, and your ex has to be fair about allocating them. I can go into more detail if you need - a nursery suggested it to me over 20 years ago when my son was there - it turned his behaviour around in the space of 2 weeks.
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daughter very naughty for her mum but not with me? 2 years 1 month ago #85918

One of the first thing you can do is to do a heart to heart talk between your ex and your daughter. Ask your daughter why she is doing that. I'm sure your daughter will not act that way without valid reason. Then, when you found out the reason, talk to your ex. It's not a matter of way of discipline only. It has something to do with understanding her emotions too.
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