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TOPIC: Need help with 4 Year old

Need help with 4 Year old 5 days 3 hours ago #102366

Both of my children tend to act up when I am home from work and try and get my attention, and it is mostly manageable. The major difficulty is my daughter ho just turned four. We have had an ongoing issue with her that involves tantrums that can last up to 45 minutes and involve banging on doors, screaming at the top of her lungs, and wailing "Daddy" over and over and over... The most recent incident was this morning when I was getting ready for work at 6 and she came in to use the bathroom, then went back into her bedroom. A few minutes later as I was packing up my things she came out saying her stomach hurt. ( I am pretty sure this was not the case.) Then she came back out after I dealt with that and asked to use the iPad, right as I was trying to step out the door. That was not acceptable as she needed to sleep and I told her no, and tried to step out the door. She followed and started screaming "No Daddy" as I was trying to leave, waking the whole house. I put her in her room several times and was getting progressively more angry when she would come out over and over. Eventually i just tried to leave and she unlocked the front door three times to come out. I eventually told my sleeping wife that she was coming out the front door, and when I checked the camera in her room a few minutes later she was quietly laying in her bed.

Now I know the first suggestion will have to do about separation anxiety, but let me tell you that is not the problem. this type of outburst can happen over simple things like taking a single bite of food, or not wanting to change clothes, With me it is always an issue, but she doesn't behave this way with my wife.

I an just frayed at the edges and need some support and words of wisdom.

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Need help with 4 Year old 5 days 2 hours ago #102369

hi,

yes those tantrums can be a nightmare lol. i remember it started with our child from age 4. worst part is when we need to go out and they refuse to put shoes on and throw tantrum. best thing i found is either cuddle them or leave them on their own and wait for them to stop crying. she is now 6 and will still throw tantrum if i ask her to put on a dress she doesn't like etc.

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Need help with 4 Year old 3 days 5 hours ago #102388

Okay, I have an update, and I really need some suggestions on how to deal with this:

Today I was leaving my room at 6:30 and my daughter came out and asked for the iPad. I knelt down to her level and had a quiet discussion with her about why she needed to go back to sleep and not be on the iPad. I thought I had it under control, and stood up to leave, but then she started following me saying "Daddy, don't go!" I again tried calmly to get her to quiet down and go back into her room, but she refused and began screaming. I was, at this point getting angry and picked her up and put her in her room and told her to stay there, and again she refused and was wailing.

At this point my wife came out angry at me and I left the house. I sat in the car upset and trying to understand what I could possibly do to get this under control. I texted my wife several times but got no response and my daughter was now sitting on her bed by herself . I saw her leave the room and I texted my wife saying i was going to come back in and keep her quiet until she and my son woke, but I got no response. I went inside and my daughter came out like there had been nothing wrong, and I started asking her why she was doing this. She admitted she was not frightened and only wanted the iPad. I told her I didn't appreciate her behavior and that it was not the right way to behave. I told her that I had to go to work and it wasn't nice of her to be doing this. I tried to get up but she threatened to scream if i tried to leave without giving her the i Pad. In the meantime, my wife was texting me telling me how much I had screwed up, and I told her I would leave when she and my son woke. When I did try to leave my daughter pitched another fit, but I left. Now my wife thinks i an traumatizing my daughter, but the reality is she is holding me hostage and is only 4 years old.

I know my wife and I need a plan to deal with her before this happens again, but i am not sure how to make that work.

Please help.

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Need help with 4 Year old 3 days 3 hours ago #102389

hi,

surely your wife understands you have a job to do. she should take over when you leave for work. this is only the beginning of your childs tantrums, so you should start getting used to it. does she wake up because she is disturbed when you get up? perhaps you can sleep in a spare room now and then. you both should know that having kids means less sleep and quality one-to-one time together :)

seems like your child has some ipad addiction. perhaps you can find a way to reduce the amount of time she spends on it. like an hour a day max, or use it once every 2 days.

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Last Edit: by Bill337.

Need help with 4 Year old 2 days 7 hours ago #102400

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I would say that you might need to try a star chart, where she gets a star for a particular aspect of good behaviour, and if she gets enough stars each week, then she gets a reward, in this case, use of the ipad (perhaps for an hour each day the following week) may be the perfect reward.

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Need help with 4 Year old 12 hours 23 minutes ago #102427

www.dad.info/article/the-joy-of-parenting

As you might know Fegans is the children's counselling charity that currently support Dad,info. If it is useful they have a parenting course you could look at. It is basically free (they do ask at the end if you'll consider donating) but it might give you some suggestions.

www2.dad.info/parenting-top-tips-intro/

Thanks

Nell
Digital Editor
The following user(s) said Thank You: actd

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