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TOPIC: what do i do?

what do i do? 5 years 7 months ago #61067

Hi, I'm just looking for advice really on something, as google isn't really much help. This might be a bit of a long story, but basically I think my ex is still pregnant with my baby, but trying to pass it off as her new boyfriends.
We had been together 4 years, we have never tried for a baby, but we have talked about it etc, she miscarried about a year ago.
The ex is hard work, we were always arguing, she was possessive and controlling, the kind that if I wasn't tired at night and she was, I still had to try sleep, if i sat in bed playing games on my phone or something she would sulk, start an argument or something, so we started to drift apart, I got close to a girl I work with, and ended up leaving my ex for her...best decision I ever made, as I've never been happier.
A couple of weeks after we split, she announced she had found out she was pregnant, I made her do tests in front of me and they were positive. She begged me back, but I wasn't going back, not to be unhappy and had a go at over nothing every 5 mins, I told her no, but said id stand by her, be there through it all with her, support her and the baby, just not as her boyfriend, but id still be the dad. Anyway, we argued a lot, and that's when she told me she had been for scans,she never mentioned it when we were getting along, only used it as something to throw at me when she was in a bad mood. She eventually settled on having an abortion, which again she never bothered to tell me she had gone for until after as we hadn't been speaking that week, this was mid November, she threw everything at me, how it was all my fault, making her kill her baby etc, couple of weeks later she apologized saying she was out of order, just upset and emotional etc.
Come December she's started seeing someone else, dumping him every 2 mins and being nice to me, then getting back with him and arguing with me, walking down past my house daily with him etc.
Anyway mid Jan I went to the docs about my back, as I was parking up she walked out with him, at this point we were talking okay, she text me saying you were right the injection isn't always reliable, I'm pregnant again lol, I was like are you serious? She said yes and that she hoped id be happy for her, she seemed upset I wasn't, naturally hell broke loose, I told her can't believe she could get rid of a baby with someone she had known 4 years, because she didn't believe id stand by her, yet she could be happy and want a baby with someone she has known 4 weeks. She said it was because she knows he will stand by her and be a good dad as he is great with the one he has....naturally that made me feel so shit :/.
We haven't really spoken since that, after I threatened her with a harassment order due to her continuous abusive texts about me and my new partner.
Obviously the thought had crossed my mind, and your probably thinking how has it taken so,long to get here, and I'm sorry, but I can't help but think did she even have the abortion? Is she just trying to cover it up by saying its his? Recently I've been thinking more along that, as by now if its still mine, she will be coming up 5 months, and would be starting to show, and there are pieces of the puzzle, for example, I know she works shifts either 6-2 or 2-10, and her car has been at home a lot these last few weeks, making me think she isn't at work, and I haven't seen her out walking about for a few weeks either, making me think something's up, or she's hiding something.
Obviously if she has it before June no question its mine and she lied, but what do I do? Not a chance in hell would I have her put her new scabby boyfriends name on the birth certificate, is there anything I could do to stop her? Or get it changed if she does? I'd do anything if it was my child, and not going to sit back and watch another guy bring it up pretending its his, id put him in the ground before I let that happen!
Just dont know what to do, how to think or how to go about finding the truth. Am I allowed to force her to have a paternity test once its born?
Sorry for the essay and all,the questions, but anyone's take on this would be much appreciated

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what do i do? 5 years 7 months ago #61188

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I'll ask the Coram Child Law Centre to pop on and give some advice - I will say in the meantime, though, that she is not allowed to lie about the father on the birth certificate, so if she knows it's yours, she can either put you down, or leave it blank, but she can't put her boyfriends name down as the father if she knows it's false.

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what do i do? 5 years 7 months ago #61190

Thank you, I know she can't legally, but she's the kind she has him standing by her and can get her family to back her up she's likely to tell the whole world its his, and get people who know its not, to cover for her, that's my worry :/ but if she did and was proved to be lying could his name then be taken off it?

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what do i do? 5 years 7 months ago #61229

Dear Ryan7788

Many thanks for your post.
Until the child is born no action can be taken in establishing the parentage of the child.
A DNA test would need to be undertaken to establish whether you are the father of the child. You have two routes to obtain this test:
1) If the mother was to consent, you and the mother could go to your GP and request a DNA test be undertaken.
2) If the mother was not to consent you could apply to the courts for a Declaration of Parentage.
A Declaration of Parentage can be applied for on a form C63. This can be downloaded from www.justice.gov.uk . Please note that there will be a fee for this application and you will need to check with the courts for the fee. This application would be requested the courts order a DNA test be complete.
If it were to transpire that you were the father then there are steps that you can take to be put on the birth certificate:
1) The Courts can direct that the certificate be amended
2) You can make an application to be put on the birth certificate.
3) You and the mother can attend the Registry Office and re-register the birth certificate if the mother consents.
Being put on the birth certificate will give you Parental Responsibility. Parental Responsibility is defined in s.3(1) Children Act 1989 as being: "all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property".
Practically Parental Responsibility means that both parties should consult and consent on issues such as schooling, medical issues, change of name, removal from the jurisdiction and other major issues concerning the child.
In terms of other issues we would advise calling us directly in order that we can advise on the position at the time. Our advice line is available Monday to Friday 8am to 8pm on 0808 8020 008.

Yours sincerely


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