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TOPIC: Disappointing Day

Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69790

  • Lewy77
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Hi all

Well this weekend has not gone as i hoped it would do,picked up my little boy yesterday as i had him for the day and straight away he was crying as he didn't want to come without his mum which i was prepared for so tried to talk to him and try and take his mind off things and after 5 minutes he was ok then soon dropped off to sleep which was good as i have distance to drive, anyway got to my house and at first he didn't want to come out the car so i physically picked him up and comforted him at the same time and tried to take his mind off not being with mum so went to Tesco and done some shopping and let him pick a toy, all was ok and held my hand all the time along with his comfort blanket. So we went back to mine and got his car out and was playing with that but he just kept asking to go home to mummy which was heart wrenching as before we had no contact the bond between us was so close, always affectionate with me etc but he wont even cuddle me right now, am i expecting too much too soon???

In the end i put the PlayStation on for him and that was it, came right out his shell and was talking and laughing but surely i can not just use the PlayStation as a thing to make him forget his mum is not around every time he comes to mine, my head is just all over the place again and a couple of times i thought that maybe i was wrong to be back in his life again, it was just so heart wrenching yesterday and especially when i dropped him off as he would not come near me to kiss or cuddle, i just feel like a complete stranger to him even though he was calling me daddy at mine. The good thing is that his mum has said i can ring during the week and talk to him so maybe that will help but like i said maybe i am expecting things to be normal too soon, just not sure what to think right now.

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Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69794

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Hi Lewy

....this is par for the course I'm afraid, it has no bearing on you, but your little fella just needs you to be patient. It's tough when they are crying and asking for mummy, but they do this even when both parents are still together.

Have a read of Slims posts, for quite some time his daughter was crying and asking for her mummy at every pick up. It's partly his age and partly that he's getting used to being with you again.

If the play station takes his mind off it then I wouldn't worry too much about it...my 4yr old grandson is attached to my iPad whenever he comes to stay!
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69796

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Cheers Mojo but yeah it is certainly hard to hear him say those things and i know they want mummy even when parents are still together,i guess that it was just a shock as we had such a close bond before and that is what is hurting quite a bit but i will be patient and i am not going to give up and i am determined to get our bond back again like it was before.

I think i had better start making sure the controller is charged up every time then because as soon as i put that on he loved it mind you he was playing GTA which i know is not great for a 3 year old but he knew what the naughty words were and kept saying naughty word which was good that he knows not to say it, in some ways he was better than me at playing it, i guess i am going to have to use that for a bit of time as i don't want him to think going to daddy's is just about being able to play on the PlayStation, want to do other stuff with him too. I am pretty sure though that overnight stays are not going to happen yet even though my ex said it could happen after a few visits, the last i want is for my little boy to feel in distress etc, the thing that concerned me yesterday is that in the time i had him he never went to the toilet, had a tiny drink and only 2 yoghurt's, just would not eat more or drink more, is that usual for him as he is in different surroundings??

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Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69812

Hi Mate,
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I think as Mojo has said this will take some time, Don't be too down about it, I had a great relationship with my son when I first left my ex, but there would still be times when he wanted to go home instead of spend the night with me.
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With the playstation, I would maybe look at picking up a few cheaper games that are more his own age just so that you don't get his mum complaining about him playing games that are too old for him, and maybe when you collect him, start talking about the playstation as something you will do later in the day but you will......go to the park or something first so you get some change rather than just being inside. That said there isn't anythng wrong with him playing as it's something you can do together.
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Eating and drinking at that age can be odd, sometimes my son would hardly eat or drink others he would eat loads, just have things in he can eat and offer it through out the day and make sure you are eating and drinking when you offer him something.
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your getting there just remember it will all take time and you'll be fine.
.
GTTS

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Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69815

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Completely agree with GTTS, gets some age appropriate games and schedule other pursuits outside of the home.

Children and food....don't get me started! Encourage him with a little often but don't worry if he doesn't eat, children take enough even if it doesn't seem that way.

As far as overnight stays, let him lead....you'll know when is ready, but don't worry if you get a little resistance anyway. Perhaps start with talking about getting his room ready for when he stays, let him get involved with picking bedding or a colour scheme, doing this will hopefully encourage him to want to stay.

As said, you'll be fine.
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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69842

Mate I had 6 months of this it was heart breaking but like has been said you just got to be patience my girl absolutely screamed the house down my ears would literally ring when I picked her up, week in week out every time I picked her up she kicked off bigtime then it gradually got better and better it's only in the past 3 months where my girl flings her arms in the air and comes running to me now.

I found the art of distraction is key, like you did with the play station to take his mind off it I used to take her fave toy with me and talk to her about what we were planning on doing for the day.

It is soul destroying but stick in there it will get better trust me once she was out of eye sight of her mum she did calm down if you look through some of my older posts you will see I was having the same sort of trouble.

Also have a word with the ex get her to build your son up to you coming my ex has only started to do that in the past 3 months and that seemed to ease the situation loads all is rosy now.

Keep in there mate you're doing a grand job.

Slim :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69855

I have the same eating issues with my girl she's up and down each week kids love routines I find she's better once I've established regular eating times and if I show an interest in the food whilst we're eating together she's a lot more receptive.

I even get a minions bowl so it matches hers and eat out of that literally making a meal out of meal times really works we also grab some lunch at sainsbury's every saturday when we go to buy her a new book which she loves, she's the same with her mum through the week apparently so don't think it's you who's doing anything wrong.

What I also realised was it's just as upsetting for mum when she used to kick off when I picked her up and on the flip side my girl always kicked off when I dropped her off at her aunts then she would scream for her daddy when I was leaving bless her so again I seen how my ex felt, it's all swings and roundabouts mate and completely natural just stick in there I can promise you it will all come good :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69856

Also as has been suggest do things out the home obviously we live in the same city there's alsorts of things you can do together I know of 5-6 fantastic parks in the area theres a farm you can go to which is really good just out of town my girl absolutely loves the zip wire in one of them and thats all she's says to her mum through the week is go park with daddy on the zip wire theres a brilliant fun factory and the raven on the way out of town, I end up on there with her all afternoon playing in the ball pit and on the climbing frames lol

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69870

Hi,
,
Maybe you could arrange to meet slim and his daughter somewhere, the pressure would be off with another little person there, you and Slim could have a catch up while they played.
.
GTTS
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Disappointing Day 3 years 10 months ago #69876

Now that is a plan :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)
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