TOPIC: Emotionally battered

Emotionally battered 2 years 7 months ago #92506

Since our seperation and the bitter court battle that has ensued, I don't think I'll ever start a new relationship.

It's now been 2 and a half years - I've been accused of so many terrible things I can't imagine that any woman would ever consider a relationship with me. Even though I have proof that I've never done these things, I still can see that anyone I entered into a relationship with would possibly have doubts. With these accusations still unresolved, they're hanging over my head.

With months between court hearings, every day is a struggle with the endless uncertainty of how things will turn out. The stress of dealing with court matters, understanding what to do, when to do it, how to do it, is simply overwhelming.

I have absolutely no desire to start again, no money to go out. My children were my life and joy - something precious whilst my relationship was falling apart around my ears. The pain of them not being a part of every day life stings and the control that my ex has over my life and my children's is soul destroying.

I've tried counselling - they were pretty useless to be honest. All they could ever ask was "and how does that make you feel". Starting a new relationship would also stand in the way of my relationship with my children, if that ever gets fixed. But then there's the fear that the courts won't see the truth of what has happened and our relationship will be destroyed forever.

Does it ever get better? I'm amazed that I've managed to keep going all this time but I feel so low every single day and try my hardest to keep pushing on, moving forward, hoping for a better tomorrow. I keep myself occupied as much as possible but find it hard to find joy in anything.

I'm not going to do anything stupid - I would never hurt my children in that way. But dealing with the depression and anxiety is often more than I can cope with. I go through a range of emotions on a daily basis that leave me reeling. Occasionally I feel a glimmer of hope but it's fleeting and soon disappears - especially when a hearing date is near.

Does anyone feel the same? Got any advice?
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Emotionally battered 2 years 7 months ago #92507

Hi Paul,

It's been said many times, but time does make things easier to deal with, where you are now that's hard to imagine I know but as you say you get little glimmers of hope and some points where you feel better.

with time those will become more frequent and will last longer until they are out weighing the low times.

we are all here for support and to talk so don't feel alone


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Emotionally battered 2 years 6 months ago #92610

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My ex accused me of all sorts - none of which were true, and were easily disregarded by all except some of her family (and only some, as even they knew what she was like). You know yourself what you are like, so as said, time will heal and when you are ready, take small steps and talk about it to whoever you may go out with.

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Emotionally battered 2 years 6 months ago #92616

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Hi Paul

Your journey has been arduous and I do understand how important your children are to you and the toll it has taken on you.

Without talking about outcomes, once the court proceedings are over, you will have some closure and be able to concentrate on getting yourself in a better place... court is all consuming and it overtakes everything, seeping into every aspect of life, to the extent that there’s no room for anything else. Once it’s over you will be able to reclaim the space and start to rebuild a new life.

By its very nature, the court process keeps you anchored in the past, making it virtually impossible to make plans for the future. Try and take some time out occasionally, go and do something just for you.... maybe hook up with friends or just spend the day doing something you enjoy.

Many of us have experienced incredible lows in our common journey back to our children... it’s the nature of the beast. Keep talking and sharing how you feel and you’ll work your way through it .... all the best.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Emotionally battered 2 years 6 months ago #92625

hi paul i cannot really give advice im sorry, but i do no were you are now,, as im the same, what i will say every thing will pas ,, time wont stand still nothing and i mean nothing ever dose, take care mate

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Emotionally battered 2 years 6 months ago #92938

Listen mate, I know its hell. Its still a nightmare for me. Every time I hand back my son I feel like a failure. But if you look at my messages from about 2 years ago, youll see how bad it was for me. Luckily its not that bad anymore. Its still nasty, I'm not gonna lie. But it gets better. Being here helps, youre on the right website. These guys helped me a lot. I used to look over their replies to my thread starter when I was sick with depression.
Hang in their bro. Your kids need Daddy to stay strong.

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Emotionally battered 2 years 6 months ago #92941

I am trying so hard to keep it together. It's so difficult when vital pieces of evidence for your case are refused, especially recorded evidence. When barristers are telling outright lies in court, when the outcome of the hearings could result in further threats of violence. When cafcass and the courts ignore everything that your ex has done, even criminal activity, and they turn everything against you.
Why only a finding of fact against me, not my ex?
The complexity of everything is so overwhelming that I spend days if not weeks working on this. Weeks transcribing recordings, putting my evidence together, all to be ignored by the courts. No legal help from anywhere.
And throughout all of it, the children are kept from dad based on a huge pile of lies and there's nothing I can do about it.
When I started this, I thought I'll take it through court - then justice will be done! The truth will out and they will see how manipulative my ex is and how I'm innocent of everything I'm being accused of. It was all recorded.
Now I'm looking back and all I is see is lies and corruption and what seems to me an obstruction of justice and attempts to hide the truth.
I fear that I may not have the strength to stick with it, that I might for my own peace of mind and sanity have to walk away. And I will never ever be able to forgive myself for leaving the children with someone who is so prone to manipulation and violence. Each day is a challenge beyond anything I've ever had to endure before, and I've seen some shit. I was a taxi driver for 15 years, been homeless three times, dealt with all kinds of violence and trouble in my childhood, had an alcoholic father who beat my mother and the kids.
None of it compares to this. I'm trying so hard to do the right thing, to be there for my beautiful daughters. My children have been kept from me for 2 and a half years - I was forced to see them through a contact centre for more than year because all I did was object to them being kept from me. My ex has emotionally blackmailed, begged and screamed for me to not involve the police. So I didn't and now that's being turned against me, for doing what I thought was the right thing or because I was afraid I would see my children even less, and even to protect my ex from prosecution. How stupid I was. I should have realised how manipulative she was and done everything necessary to protect my relationship with my children. Yet I still loved her and kept it all to myself, despite threats of violence against me.
I'm crying just writing this. I'm a grown man and I'm crying like a baby.

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Last Edit: by Paul_6611.

Emotionally battered 2 years 5 months ago #93619

I haven't yet reached the final battle with the barristers, but so far, Cafcass has only addressed my ex's concerns, and even included baseless suspicions her friends had about me for some reason, whereas absolutely everything I said was left out. So far, she is a bloody saint, and I'm a criminal even though there is nothing against me. I also wasted my time transcribing recordings and all the rest, but everyone ignores all my evidence, and takes my ex-wife's word as a gospel. I'm waiting until some supervised contact takes place, I pay more than I can afford to see my children, and all this having done nothing wrong. Welcome to this world: the system hates men.
Contact me if you need to talk to anyone.

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Emotionally battered 2 years 5 months ago #93794

I was in the same position as you exactly until i’ve Had enough with it. Now I don’t see my little one and I feel really upset. But at least i’ve done everything I could. Cafcass and family court are with women with any rubbish she we’ll say. Cafcass and family court don’t see men needs at all. I know how difficult this can be on a man fighting for his children. Good luck. But mind yourself while you going through. Because at the same you need to look after yourself as well. That’s very important to consider. All the best

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Emotionally battered 1 year 5 months ago #100613

You’re not alone. I was accused of various fake allegations it was laughable. Everyone knew it wasn’t true. I also had almost 2 years of hell. I finally got shared care of my son and my ex dropped the allegations after seeing who my Counsel was. I felt truly depressed and still do in a way. You feel like the abused.

There is no easy way, but you’re already strong and haven’t given up! Keep in there. You will feel absolutely drained. You will get access to your children - keep that in your mind. : )

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Emotionally battered 1 year 4 months ago #101075

If the allegations are false you need not worry. I know how it feels like to experience all those. Be Strong and face it.

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Emotionally battered 1 year 3 months ago #101371

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Hi Paul.. I've just read your post.. That exactly explains my situation that was enforced on me in June this year.. I to am on this horrible, horrible journey. Allegations after allegations.. I now tremble at the sight of police cars heading towards me, or behind me.. I'm or I was a tough ol cookie.. But this, what my wife has done to me, stealing all the money from the account, a non molestation order against me, allegations, on and on it goes.. I haven't seen my beautiful children in 3 months and to be honest, I'm broken.. But we must go on.. One foot in front of the other, every single day, until we reach our objectives.. OUR CHILDREN. keep it going mate...

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