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TOPIC: Guilt regarding my son..

Guilt regarding my son.. 9 months 1 week ago #97375

Hi guys, i have a 3 and a half year old boy and he is my world. I have him from Friday 12 noon until Monday 1pm when i take him to nursery. Me and the mum dont get on well.
Well anyway, im through the worst of everything now, went through the courts, get regular time and left her (never him). She has an older child from a previous relationship and i left because i didnt want my son growing up seeing his daddy treated like c***.
So finally, now i just seem to be riddled with guilt. It was right to leave the relationship but whenever i see his gorgeous face i ask myself 'does he question whether i love him or not because im not with mum?'
Im currently nursing a really bad flu so this could be making me more emotional than usual, but i do have these thoughts when im well. I never left him, i left her. But i cant help feel like ive done something wrong...
Its really hard sometimes. I smother him with affection when i have him and we go anywhere and everywhere together but i dont want to become a 'Disney Dad'. Were going on holiday soon, i keep up payments to her and im always punctual. I have the flu because we were at the hospital all weekend cos he had Viral Induced Wheeze, he's better now and now ive got it.
This gets easier but its always tearing me up.

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Guilt regarding my son.. 9 months 1 week ago #97377

  • Mojo
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I think it’s completely normal to feel guilt, but you fought for him and you have a regular routine in place, which could be the same for some Dads that get home from work when their kids are already in bed, often not seeing them until the weekends.

He is loved and treasured and is too young to remember the time before you left, the schedule that’s in place is his normal.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.
The following user(s) said Thank You: stamina9008

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Guilt regarding my son.. 3 weeks 3 days ago #102103

I know this is an old post....but the word guilt is what I'm feeling right now...I'm struggling and riddled with guilt with what I'm doing to my kids. Splitting up our little family. I know it needs to be done but it doesn't make it any easier. There is a bad atmosphere in the house between her and me no arguments or shouting or anything like that. But being in separate rooms doing things with the kids on our own. They are picking up on this and it's killing me inside...dad can I sleep in my own bed tonight or why did you not come to the Halloween thing with us do you not want to anymore...it's so hard to hear my kids saying this to me. Not that she gives a toot...but I do. And I know it's for the best better to have a happy mum and dad than sad ones but I'm finding it hard to deal with. We haven't told them whats happening yet because we don't know our self's. It just sucks.

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Guilt regarding my son.. 3 weeks 2 days ago #102108

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I've been through that, and long term, separation was the best thing, and my kids have had a much happier time (well, once I took them away from their mum after the separation). The atmosphere in a house where the parents are at each other all the time is by far worse than one where it's a lone parent. You really need to decide what is going to happen quickly for everyone's sake - Relate sounds like your best option to decide where you both go, and once that's decided, then you can tell the children if you are separating, or heal things if you aren't.

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Guilt regarding my son.. 3 weeks 2 days ago #102125

hi,

dont know how old your kids are. my eldest is 6. their mum told them something like they had to move out because baby going to be born soon. daughter still thinks her mum is my wife. i will try hold out from explaining as long as i can. girls are so emotional.

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Guilt regarding my son.. 3 weeks 2 days ago #102128

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it's never easy but it does get easier over time. Kids are quite resilient and usually adapt well to their new situations.

Best of luck

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Guilt regarding my son.. 3 weeks 2 days ago #102144

I keep hearing this and I know they are resilient and they will be fine but it still hurt like mad. And bill I know what you mean...it's my daughter i am most worried about she is 12 so it's a tricky time for hr emotional at the best of times so this will hit her hard. And actd relate is an English thing I'm up in Scotland. But I know we must sit down again and sort this out and tell them as my daughter is picking up on things...its not fair on her.

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