TOPIC: What happens upon reduction?

Hello all,

I feel I have to ask again as lst night my credit card was declined, Im running out of money.

I considered stopping my pension, but that may only serve to shoot me in the foot, unless temporary? any advice welcome.

Bascially, the CMS have informed me I pay full rate, as in if I didnt see my child I wouldnt be liable for anything else, and the supplies I provide circa £100 a month are my CHOICE. I debated this that how on earth would I cease this?

This is almost my question, does anyone have an experience in having things provided for them? I dont get pram, changing bag, change of clothes, nappies, clothes, even dummies this week, or the gro bag (she said I need to get my own).

Additionally I have overnights now so could apply for a reduction, I have resisted on the basis Im still trying to progress to the second overnight, shes resisting this despite me getting him from 730am breakfast giving through to 630pm (and I transport) stating that court say - they didnt they progressed the first overnight on our behalf as she wanted once per month for 6 months so didnt like the court outcome. However it does read the court hope future arrangements can be agreed etc.
so its 6pm-6pm at weekend and 730am-630pm midweek currently. I wish to progress to 2 x 6-6 and thats pretty much it.

If I get the reduction, am I then 'liable' for the extra £100 a month in costs? ie they are my problem - they are now but Im told I choose to (which is daft).

there are future childcare costs that I could get vouchers for but she wants "the money".

As it stands though, Im paying a lot to her, paying a lot when hes with me and paying for a home for him too. My expenditure is outweighing my income and with court costs my credit card is now maxed out. and I daretnt apply for the £45 a month reduction im entitled to now in case she stops contact!

Hi Twiston,
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If I understand correctly, you are currently paying through CMS and then paying additional money to your ex above the amount CMS have calculated.
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The amount CMS have calculated is your only obligation if you pay additional that is your choice, as you say rightly you don't want your son to go without, but in the same respectyou have to be able to live and balance your outgoings especially as your ex won't send your son with clothes ect.
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I can fully understand why you are nervous about reducing the amount you are paying her, but I would say that whilst the court case is still on going (from memory it is) this would be the best time to try and sort the finances as if she starts to cause issues or stop contact then you can hopefully get the judge to step in.
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Hopefully I've understood your question.
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GTTS

yes and no, I pay directly the full amount as dictated by the CMS.

I have now have overnights so should reduce but im afraid to.

Plus the amount I pay 'over' isnt to her, its by way of receiving none of his (she claims theyre hers) things so I have to reprovide

Unfortunately, you are in a very difficult position. I would say the best approach is that you tell her you simply cannot afford to provide extras at home unless you apply for the reduction you are entitled to do, but that you would much rather continue to pay what you are doing, and that she provides you with the essentials you need (that she already has) on handover and you'll hand them back again on the return handover - really it's up to her to decide whether she wants to stick to her guns or to lose some maintenance.

Realistically, you are going to have to make that choice also, you simply can't run up further debt as it will start to (or further) affect your health, which is no help to anyone.

Might also be worth having a word with www.stepchange.org.uk - they are a debt management charity, and the sooner you get help, the sooner hopefully you'll start to find a way through this.

Hey,

The worst line ever put in my order (and yours) is "expect both parties to agree to progression..." or something similar - we cannot agree that why we are in court duh!

My ex would not even consider progressing from 1 night since asking in August. I have everything in place including flexible working hours but the lady won't budge, mainly because she wanted the £400 a month minimum CMS payment. Like you I do all the driving and by own things and look after the kids during the day when she's at work some days. I was practically bankrupt but darling couldn't care less.

I stopped payments as CAO was 50/50 but she's stopped contact, the way I see it - sooner or later it was going to happen so happy to fix my finances sooner and have the matter dealt with properly in court. On paper I earn enough to pay her and be comfortable but monies paid for legal fees are non-refundable

Think the CMS have to leave you with a minimum amount to live on [as advised by work payroll officer], apply for a variation as well to factor in other cost like travel.

....this is a common problem I'm afraid, i can remember a couple of cases where this was addressed in court as part of the order but that's not usual.

My son kept clothes and pjs for his son to use when he had him and changed him back into the clothes she sent him with when he returned him, purely because when we did send him in new clothes we never saw them again!

I think you have to be inventive, join freebie groups on Facebook, people post that they need something and the response is always good, people like to help.... try Ebay and you can pick up really cheap clothes in places like Primark and Asda. A changing bag isn't essential, any bag will do exactly the same job.

Contact your local council about nappies, there's a big drive to get children back in terry nappies, disposable nappies are bad for the environment....I know they give away free packs in this area so they might have a scheme where you live too...it's worth checking out, that would lower the cost for you, you would then only need one disposable nappy per visit to send him back in.

Best of luck with it.

In conjunction with NJ's advice, Freecycle and Gumtree (the freebies) section is also good.

If you have a spare room or have a sofa in the lounge that you don't mind sleeping on, Airbnb you bedroom - it's free and non-taxable income up to £5k I believe.

halfoyster wrote: I.... you bedroom - it's free and non-taxable income up to £5k I believe.

That's correct, well £4250 at the moment, rising to £7500 next year - it's the government's rent-a-room scheme. - though you would need to inform your insurance company, and possibly mortgage company.

how do other people manage?

The CMS state she should provide me with stuff, how practically should I be doing that?

Freecycle etc, yeah sure and I accept things from people at work, im in a senior position and am on the bones of my arse yet watch people on lesser wages seem to function ok?

Im at a loss and its not very pleasant

Unfortunately, the CMS won't enforce this, so it's empty words from them.

I'm not sure how some people manage and some don't - it's worth sitting and doing a budget to see exactly where you money goes, it's often lots of small things that add up rather than the big expenditures that cause the problem.

Ive done this, I dont have sky, stopped gym membership at crossfit etc etc I only buy vlothes in supermarket sales.

Is it worth contacting www.stepchange.org - they are a debt management charity. I assume they will give advice about how to avoid going into debt as well as how to get out of it.