• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74727

Hi,

I have recently paying maintenance to my ex having agreed upon the amount ourselves. I have my son 3/4 nights per week. She has now started telling me that I need to buy clothes for him to have at my house as she is not going to be sending any. Surely the money I am giving her is to contribute towards clothing which she should then send? If I am also having to buy clothes separately then it is costing me a lot more that it is her.

I have no problems buying him clothes and will always get him things but I would have the essentials would be paid for by the money I give her every month?

Please help

Thanks

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74728

We have my partners child once per week and have clothes here. It's always handy to have spares in case they get messy. We pay for those out of our own pocket even though he pays maintenance because we want the child to be comfortable. She stopped sending clothes with the child a while ago, and anything they go home in that's ours comes back when we collect the child the next week (so we always have what we bought).

I think there's a reduced maintenance payment (through CMS) if you have your child more than one night per week. This would mean that the difference is used for when you have your son. Might be worth using the calculator to see if you should be paying less?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74729

I'm in exactly the same position it just works better having two sets of clothes and I can't stand the clothes my ex dresses my daughter in so I buy all her clothes even though I pay a fair chunk each week in maintenance but she does have another daughter whos father doesnt contribute at all so I don't mind really, I've always not bothered confronting her about it as I know Women still have all the cards and they can stop contact any time and I do not trust her so I pick my battles.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74730

I have no issues getting him clothes and I already have anyway as I wouldn't want him to be without, I just wondered if technically I HAD too as what annoys me is her dictating to me about it. A lot of the clothes I've bought have gone back to her anyway as he is at an age where nothing fits him for more than 5 minutes anyway so it makes more sense for the clothes to go wherever he needs them to get his wear out of them.

But if I am paying money can she still dictate that she will not provide clothes when I am having him?

Appreciate your help

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74731

Indeed Slim. You definitely have to choose your battles. Plus we like choosing crazy bright stuff to wear ;)
The following user(s) said Thank You: MR SLIM

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74732

If you definitely want to pick this battle, and argue that you pay enough to cover all clothing, then I would definitely make sure you know how much you would pay via cms.

Like I say, if you're paying more than you should be, you can try to use this as a reason to not buy them.

She can't make you buy them, but equally you can't make her send clothes to you.

Sorry if that's not helpful.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74734

Thanks, i'm paying what the cms website suggested and she was the one who brought that amount to the table i just agreed.

Thanks for the advice appreciate it

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74735

I would say that if you're paying the right amount for the number of nights you have him, it includes a reduction for overnights. This reduction would be to buy what you need to care for him on those days. I think that's the point of the reduction anyway.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74738

honestly,

its a pointless argument, you cant do anything about it, even at half th week. Court couldnt enforce it for example, you'll be arguing about nothing and a principle. Just buy more clothes, I kmow its unfair but what an you actually do? complain and hope she changes her mind?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Ive been through it like most on here.

Remember to say "it could be worse" is equitable to telling a happy person they could be happier. People feel what they feel.

I have some knowledge of some stuff.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74739

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8561
  • Thank you received: 1815

Andyc2662 wrote: But if I am paying money can she still dictate that she will not provide clothes when I am having him?

Appreciate your help


The simple answer is yes, she can refuse to send clothes with him for use whilst he is with you. She shouldn't and wouldnt if she was reasonable and fair minded and put the childs needs first, hich would make it easier for you to buy him extras and feel good about it!

Unfortunately , as others have said, it easier to bite the bullet. These days you can buy lovely, good quality clothes for very little from Asda, Sainsburys and Tesco and also there are bargains to be had from Primark and Ebay. I would buy him what he needs when he's with you and put him back in the clothes he arrived in when he goes home. As he grows out of them you could list them on EBay and get some of your outlay back too

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Child Maintenance Advice Needed Please 3 years 5 months ago #74747

Hello Andyc2662

As you have a family-based arrangement in place, there are no set rules for you to follow. This type of agreement can include anything that you and your ex agree to.

If you had a statutory case in place, you would have a set amount calculated which you would be expected to pay. This calculation would take into account any overnight stays your son has with you. So in effect, you would not be paying for your son on those days. There is no specific rule in place to cover who buys clothes for a child to wear on a certain day. It would be expected that the parents could agree that between themselves.

If you would like information about all the different options available to set up maintenance payments and to receive a more personalised service, you can contact Child Maintenance Options directly, www.cmoption.org

The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) have a web application, ‘Sorting out separation’. It aims to make it much easier for separating and separated parents (and childless couples) to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages them to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is www.cmoptions.org/en/sortingoutseparation/index.asp .

Regards

William

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

This information which Child Maintenance Options has provided is not a substitute for independent professional advice and users should obtain professional advice relevant to their particular circumstances.

Please note: the Child Maintenance Options team cannot answer any questions relating to a specific CSA or Child Maintenance Service case
  • Page:
  • 1
Moderators: Samantha Downes