• Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: Mums don't change

Mums don't change 3 years 5 months ago #74667

Hi all I have been in court today and want to share my story to all. Remember the saying a leopard never changes its spots how true.
My ex and I had a child he is now 4 I use to give her money but stopped as she tried to get a refund on some goods I brought our son so she could go out however it didn't work as I paid by card.
I always want to see my son but my ex makes it so difficult I buy our son cloths, toys, food and drink etc but because his mum stopped me seeing him I only pay when I see him. However I paid to take her to court somehow she got legal aid and the fees got waved. she was all nice in the court room once the judge had ruled in my favour the first thing said when me and my ex come out of the court room was "just to warn you I am going for maintenance against you, you haven't paid in 4 years so now its time"
I mean how the hell can anyone be like that. I'm not paying csa.

So I will pay when I have him I can prove I have brought my son loads of stuff so she is going to look like a liar ex partners with kids are a pain but never change their spots so beware

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Mums don't change 3 years 5 months ago #74668

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8561
  • Thank you received: 1815
Hi there

Child maintenance can be a prickly subject, but the rule of thumb is that if you are in a position to pay then you should.

Child Maintenance isn't just about buying things exclusively for a child, it's also about making a contribution to their upkeep....putting a roof over their heads, food in the cupboards and paying the bills.

If she opens a case with the CMS (CSA) they will expect you to pay a percentage of your gross income, which is 12% for one child and if you refuse to pay they will take it directly from your employer. They will also take a further amount towards any arrears that have built up in the meantime.

They honestly won't be interested in any money you have spent on your child, they consider this to be discretionary.

There are some fathers that have to pay and don't have any contact with their child... In their eyes if you are the father then you have a responsibility to support your child financially if you are able.

Best of luck

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Mums don't change 3 years 5 months ago #74680

Hi There,
.
I mirror what Mojo has said, child maintenance and Contact with the child are 2 different issues, even if you don't ever see your son, you are still legally bound to pay either through direct payments to your ex (ensure you get reciept of some kind) or through CMS.
.
You would be better off trying to arrange to pay directly to your ex and agree an amount if you are able too, this may work out better for you.
.
GTTS

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Mums don't change 3 years 5 months ago #74724

james200160 wrote: Hi all I have been in court today and want to share my story to all. Remember the saying a leopard never changes its spots how true.
My ex and I had a child he is now 4 I use to give her money but stopped as she tried to get a refund on some goods I brought our son so she could go out however it didn't work as I paid by card.
I always want to see my son but my ex makes it so difficult I buy our son cloths, toys, food and drink etc but because his mum stopped me seeing him I only pay when I see him. However I paid to take her to court somehow she got legal aid and the fees got waved. she was all nice in the court room once the judge had ruled in my favour the first thing said when me and my ex come out of the court room was "just to warn you I am going for maintenance against you, you haven't paid in 4 years so now its time"
I mean how the hell can anyone be like that. I'm not paying csa.

So I will pay when I have him I can prove I have brought my son loads of stuff so she is going to look like a liar ex partners with kids are a pain but never change their spots so beware


with all due respect, you WILL pay. This is government backed agency, you have no agency within this, it'll be deducted fro myour wage. The positive is she'll apply to the CMS and there is NO back pay despite what people think based on the old CSA.

buying your son stuff is irrelevent

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Ive been through it like most on here.

Remember to say "it could be worse" is equitable to telling a happy person they could be happier. People feel what they feel.

I have some knowledge of some stuff.

Mums don't change 3 years 5 months ago #74725

arrears only accumulate if the case has been opened

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Ive been through it like most on here.

Remember to say "it could be worse" is equitable to telling a happy person they could be happier. People feel what they feel.

I have some knowledge of some stuff.

Mums don't change 3 years 5 months ago #74742

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8561
  • Thank you received: 1815
They would use the date that you were first contacted by them as a starting point for payment to commence, if they take 6 weeks to work it all out after they have contacted you then you would be liable for six weeks of payment. It's advisable to use their calculator to work out roughly how much you will be expected to pay and put that amount aside, otherwise you will be behind from the beginning.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Mums don't change 3 years 4 months ago #75223

Hi all, sorry for jumping on this one, my ex stopped me from seeing my 2 boys completely, went to court challenged then she used the oldest trick in the book of when it was the days that i wanted to have them she would be out or busy, basically she put up every block she could and it all stemmed from one day i couldn't have them over night. Now my question is and I wonder if any of you guys know where I stand on this, I am still paying her child maintenance even though I'm not seeing them. Should I stop as i'm not getting to see them or am I opening myself up to hell from csa

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Mums don't change 3 years 4 months ago #75235

  • Mojo
  • Mojo's Avatar
  • Offline
  • Moderator
  • Moderator
  • Posts: 8561
  • Thank you received: 1815
Hi there

As I said in an earlier post, contact and maintenance aren't connected in any way and although you aren't seeing them you are still liable to contribute financially.

If you have a court order that specifies contact then she is in breach and you can apply to court to have the existing order enforced. Mediation is not a requirement prior to making an application for enforcement, but if one exists you could write to her formally and remind her that she in breach and that unless she reinstates contact immediately you will go back to court to enforce the order.

Best of luck

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Mums don't change 3 years 4 months ago #75250

Hi There,
.
As Mojo has said, Child maintenance and contact are'nt connected, so even if you don't ever see your children you are still liable to pay, your ex, if you don't then if the case is already with CSA or CMS they will just deduct it from your wage, or if it isn't with either agency she can just go to them and they will enforce payment.
.
I would as Mojo has said apply to court either for a enforcement order if an order for contact was made, or for a fresh order if you haven't been before, if you haven't been through court before you would need to try and attend mediation before applying.
.
GTTS

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

Mums don't change 3 years 4 months ago #75271

Hello James200160

As Mojo and Got-the-tshirt have mentioned, child maintenance and contact are not linked in law and issues with one should not affect the other. All parents have a responsibility to provide regular and reliable financial support for their children.

If you and your ex-partner came to a family-based arrangement, which is an agreement between you both on who will provide what for a child, you could both agree that you buy things such as clothes or toys for your son. Although family-based arrangements are not legally enforceable, parents can decide the terms of their agreement to suit their current circumstances, as there are no strict rules or formulas to follow.

Either parent can make an application to the Child Maintenance Service. If an application were made to them your responsibility to pay would start from around the point the Child Maintenance Service contact you.

For more information on all the different ways to set up child maintenance and for a more personalised service, you can visit the Child Maintenance Options website at www.cmoptions.org .

The DWP have a sorting out separation web-app that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation .

Regards

William

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

This information which Child Maintenance Options has provided is not a substitute for independent professional advice and users should obtain professional advice relevant to their particular circumstances.

Please note: the Child Maintenance Options team cannot answer any questions relating to a specific CSA or Child Maintenance Service case
  • Page:
  • 1
Moderators: Samantha Downes