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Success story with issues! 2 years 2 weeks ago #86103

  • Asharin
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Long story short. After my ex had our youngest removed from her care by social services, and I won custody, we were in a situation where I had once child, she had the other (our eldest) and we both had to pay the same amount of maintenance so we just didn't pay each other to save paperwork etc.
Now however, my eldest has finished education and is currently looking for work, so she can no longer claim anything for him...She does however still have to pay maintenance to ME for the next 6 years at least (more if the little 'un goes to college etc) though as she doesn't work, it's the bare minimum.
Now, my current partner and soon to be wife is pregnant so money is a little tight. While having some money from the ex would be a help, I feel it would just open up the old can of worms where she would report us to social services (like she did when we first got custody...of course every time they went away happy as he's doing well and caught up with hids age group at school and very healthy) while I have no real issues as there is actually nothing to report, it's a pain having to deal with them every time she gets pissed of and wants to lash out.
Also, we since moved from Dorset to South Wales, and she has not ONCE in the past year since we moved come to see our son, the only visits she has had are when WE go down to visit relatives and let him go see his mum. She claims she cannot afford to drive to wales 6 times a year, to pick him up, and take him back staying for a week then coming home.
If I decide to claim the maintenance from her, it'd just give her another excuse to not come as she has even less money. While she isn't the best mum in the world, and to be honest I hate her after all the hassle in court at the end of the day she is my sons mum, and he loves her and I WANT him to see her, because I know he misses her.
What would you do in this situation?

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Success story with issues! 2 years 2 weeks ago #86107

Hi There,
If this was me, I wouldn't try and claim the extra from her, if she isn't working and it would be minimal, then it probably isn't worth the issues to go through CMS to set everything up, especially if she may start to cause issues with SS.

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Success story with issues! 2 years 2 weeks ago #86117

  • Mojo
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I agree with GTTS, if she's unemployed the amount is £7 per week, is the hassle of contact with her worth it?

As far as contact, it's a shame for your son, but again unless you are prepared to facilitate all the travel back and forth, I can't see that there's much you can do.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Success story with issues! 2 years 1 week ago #86137

Hello Asharin

All parents have a responsibility to provide regular and reliable financial support for their children.

Along the Government’s guidelines, as you are aware, in cases where a paying parent is in receipt of certain benefits, the child maintenance is worked out at anything up to a maximum flat rate of £7 per week. In some circumstances, travel expenses may also be taken into account when working out the amount of child maintenance payable.

If you would like further information on how the Child Maintenance Service (the Government’s statutory maintenance service) work out child maintenance, you may find their “How we work out child maintenance” leaflet useful. The link is www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/upl...hild-maintenance.pdf .

An option available for arranging child maintenance is to work together and set up an agreement between yourselves, which is known as a family-based arrangement. Although this type of agreement is not legally binding, it is flexible and can be tailored to suit yours and your children’s mother’s circumstances. Bear in mind, a family-based arrangement does not have to be a financial payment, it can include contributions towards your son’s daily living costs, such as school fees, hobbies and clothing.

If you find you are not able to set up a family-based arrangement, you may wish to consider making an application to the Child Maintenance Service. They can either calculate your child maintenance, then leave you to arrange payments between yourselves, or they can collect payments and pass them on for you.

If you decide to ask the Child Maintenance Service to arrange your child maintenance for you in the future, your children’s mother’s responsibility to pay will start from around the point that she is contacted by them, not from when you first make your application.

There is also the option of a Consent Order, which is an agreement set up through the courts.

For a more personalised response and further information about putting in place a statutory arrangement, including the fees involved with this (there is a non-refundable application fee to apply), you may wish to contact Child Maintenance Options directly at www.cmoptions.org .

The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) have a website, 'Sorting out Separation'. It aims to make it much easier for separating and separated parents (and childless couples) to find the support they need, when and where they need it, and encourages them to collaborate on a range of issues. The link is www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/ .



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This information which Child Maintenance Options has provided is not a substitute for independent professional advice and users should obtain professional advice relevant to their particular circumstances.

Please note: the Child Maintenance Options team cannot answer any questions relating to a specific CSA or Child Maintenance Service case

Success story with issues! 2 years 1 week ago #86151

  • actd
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You could claim the £7 per week from her, but then volunteer to pay for her to come to visit - that way she doesn't have the excuse not to visit.

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