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TOPIC: Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums.

Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 4 weeks ago #96281

I had a group meeting today with the social worker
He's not been happy with my daughters mums drinking and emotional abuse he feels she could be at risk of.

The social worker said I do not need a child arrangement order of we can agree on terms and she lives with me untill she gets things sorted and can show she has been attending meetings etc.

Her mum has agreed she lives with me and she is to have supervised visits until she gets help and they are happy with the results. The social worker wanted to change addresses to mine (currently with mum as a temp basis) but has decided to leave the address at her mums as she stated at the meeting she would be at risk of losing her house and is only temporary untill she sorts her self out ( he did state could be 6 to 12 months) He asked if I agree to this I said yes and will do a written agreement tomorrow on a few things. One thing I didn't think about was help towards costs from social for my daughter. Could she still get help towards housing and I get help with My daughter or will this cause her problems? I dont want to Cause any issues but can I get help as she is staying with me. I was thinking of asking the social details on this tommorow at are other meeting before signing a agreement or maybe asking if my daughter can be registered as living at both addresses?? Thanks

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Last Edit: by prouddad10111.

Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 4 weeks ago #96328

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Sorry there’s beeen a delay in getting back to you about this. To be honest I don’t think that’s fair on you or your daughter.

You will need to claim the child benefit and other benefits that are available to you and you would need to say that she lives with you., as it’s the truth.

6 - 12 months isn’t temporary either, if this went to court they would most likely decide that moving a child after this length of time would be disruptive and not in her best interests.

If the child isn’t living with hermum she won’t be entitled to continue receiving the benefits, the social worker can’t ask you to lie about this!

Did you sign the agreement? It isn’t legally binding and if you didn’t broach the subject about the financial side of things, it’s something that you could talk to them about and express your concerns over.

Best of luck
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Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 3 weeks ago #96333

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This is crazy prouddad10111, you cannot lie just so your child's mother can scam the taxpayer (including me).
Your daughter is better off without an abusive mother with a drink problem, step up to the plate and sort this out for her now.
As always Mojo is right (and has a nicer way of saying things than do I).

O
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Last Edit: by Mojo.

Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 3 weeks ago #96343

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you could always ask the social worker to put that recommendation in writing - that might give you some protection.
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Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 3 weeks ago #96351

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I think you say that tongue-in-cheek ACTD! I don't think the social worker is going to write this down, she might (rightly) be prosecuted for abetting a fraud when the DHSS found out it was being scammed.

There should not be any question about prouddad10111 not becoming the resident parent versus a drunken mother - but there will be of course (the above demonstrates it admirably) due to the bias in our society.

Best wishes to all for 2019.

O
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Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 3 weeks ago #96363

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It was sort of tongue in cheek, but really, the social worker should not be suggesting that you do anything illegal, and if she isn't prepared to put it in writing, then I wouldn't act on that advice.
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Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 3 weeks ago #96370

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You are, of course, absolutely right ACTD.

I was just trying to imagine the converse situation where a father was the resident parent but turned out to be an abusive drunk. Do I think the well meaning social worker would be advocating the child be placed with the mother temporarily for its safety, but that the child remain registered at the drunken father's address so he could continue to claim benefits and have his rent paid for by the taxpayer? No, I don't think that would happen at all - and if it did we would be reading about it on the front pages of the red tops this morn.

Best wishes for 2019.

O
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Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 3 weeks ago #96413

Hi. Thank You for your replies. I did not sign the agreement at the meeting. Reason I gave when asked were as follows:

* You were looking to change address to mine and with me being her main carer..
* Then (***) raised a concern she would lose benefits and her house benefits and could lose her home.
* I stated im not bothered about the housing benefit but I want to make sure before I agree to anything I am able to receive support for my daughter as a single parent would with a child living with them.
* I also stated I would need to report this to the jobcentre and if I did not declare my daughter is staying with me I could be fined from cheshire east council as it states on there website (the same council he works for).
* He said he would look into this for me and check .

In the notes on the written paper he wanted me to sign it states.

Discussion:

- Considerations of where (***) should stay and be safe.

- Considerations of Benefits for Mum and Mum to lose there benefits should (***) address be changed.

- Considerations around support for (***) with referral to substance misuse services (CGL to be chased).

- Worries around (***) contact with (*** my daughter) and this being supervised until (***) has received support and demonstrated change.


Actions agreed by the family and social services

- M***** to temporarily partly stay with dad at paternal grandmothers (***) house and partly at maternal grandparents (***) to avoid disruption as (***) has been staying in these places under informal family arrangements.

(this statement is wrong as she is staying with me 90% of the time and goes to her grandads once a week)

- (***) to maintain her permanent address at her mums house as she'll be returning to mums care should mum engage with services and demonstrate positive change to her substance misuse.

The above statement was never his intention until her mum stated she would lose her benefits and her house and will end up worse.

- Mum to engage and access the services from substance misuse services and to stick to the plan.

- A safety plan and working agreement to be in place for all stakeholders to sign.

-(***) to have supervised contact with (***) observed by family members until she completes her appointments with substance misuse services.

(above contradicts him stating will be looking at 6 - 12 months minimum)

The whole thing is mad to be honest.

Thanks once again for your replies.

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Last Edit: by actd.

Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 2 weeks ago #96419

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Does it state anywhere in writing about the 6 -12 months staying time with you?

If your daughter is with you 90% of the time, that’s another reason not to sign the agreement, don’t put your name to anything that isn’t in yours or your daughters best interests, is a lie or is asking you to do something against the benefits rules.

Personally I would ask for another meeting and make it clear that you are sorry if she might lose her benefits, but your priority is the care of your child, which should be theirs too.

Regardless, she should still be entitled to housing and other benefits, the amount may be reduced to take account of the change in her circumstances, that’s life. Her behaviour has consequences, it’s the way we learn what not to do!

It might be worth talking to the Social workers senior manager... you can’t be asked to lie and they shouldn’t massage the facts to suit your ex!

Best of luck with it.
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Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 2 weeks ago #96426

No her mother asked how long she would be looking for this to end, he said realistically its not a short term fix to her and looking at 6 to 12 months. but this is not in writing. I spoke with him today by phone, he is still looking into the benefit side of things, and we have another meeting at the end of January. He said if my daughter is in a place of safety he wants to close the case by February but for her mum to carry on with the substance abuse meetings. Doesn't make sense really.

I asked how will this be monitored after the case is closed will you be checking to see how she is doing? He said he would only know if the case was reopened after another incident had happened with her mother after the case is closed .

I will be contacting his superior , I am awaiting for this revised written agreement to be emailed also from cheshire east social worker.

Thanks

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Last Edit: by prouddad10111.

Social want my daughter to stay with me but address to remain at her mums. 3 months 2 weeks ago #96468

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If I understand this correctly prouddad10111: you live with your mother, and your daughter is living at that address as well but she goes to see your her mother's father about once per week. Your child's mother lives in a rented house, with the rent paid for by benefits, and her income is from other benefits. The main justification for her being allocated a free house (by the state) is her claim that your daughter resides with her (as a single person with no resident child she would probably end up with a room in a HMO, which would be reasonable provision for her). The social worker wants your child to live at your mother's house for her safety, her mother being an abusive drunk, but he/she wants to pretend the child is still living with her mother so she can carry on living at a house paid for by the state, and continue receiving more benefits than she would as a single person?

If I've understood all that then this is a travesty. Assuming your mother is happy to house you and your daughter then it is only right that the state provides for her at that house (with child benefit, working tax credits, free education, free medical support and so on), furthermore there is no reason why the state should subsidise your child's mother's lifestyle with a free house and allow her to skim off the benefits due to her daughter's carer (be that you or your mother).

I'm assuming you are a person of good character (not a criminal, not a drug abuser and so on), in paid employment and your mother is the same, and that her house is suitable to raise a child in. If all this is correct (excuse me if I have misunderstood, I have been reading between the lines) then you owe it to daughter to put an end to this nonsense the social worker is proposing now. If this is all really happening then get your daughter away from the abusive drunk, make sure she has a secure home with you and your mother (with the assistance of the state benefits you will be rightly due) and ensure the social worker receives a reprimand for abetting a fraud against the state. Then be a really good parent to your daughter and make sure she grows up in the very best environment she is able to.

Good fortune,

O

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