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50 50 2 months 3 weeks ago #97201

  • Frazos
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Hey everyone,

I'm new to this but I am in need of some advice. I am currently in courts so I can see my son and I am trying to get 50 50 Contact. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about doing this or the best way to approach it??

Thanks

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50 50 2 months 3 weeks ago #97204

  • Mojo
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Hi there

Without more information about your case, it’s impossible to try and give you the right advice.

How far along are you, are you waiting for the first hearing?

Your child’s age would be a factor... and what your contact arrangements were previously.

If contact had been stopped before you applied to court, and for how long.

As far as 50/50 care is concerned, it can be quite difficult to achieve, CAFCASS will make a report with recommendations about contact and the court may follow that, but as I said there are a number of factors that would be taken into account.

We have members that have been successful, the courts are accepting it more, but change comes very slowly in family law.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

50 50 2 months 6 days ago #97467

  • Doh
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Hi
Forgive me for the interruption.
I have the same issue. Except not at Court.
Im going through mediation but my wife is refusing shared care for my boys, even though were still in the same house and i put them to bed and look after them at least 4 nights a week.
How can i get shared care? she will only let me have 3 nights a week when we split and sell the house instead of 4 nights /3 nights. because of child maintenance. she earns nearly as much as me and is also away a couple of nights a week with work. she has also had a big pay rise without advising the mediator, Not sure what I can do? any help would be appreciated.

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50 50 2 months 6 days ago #97468

  • othen
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Hi Doh,

Apologies to Frazos - this was his thread.

Your circumstance is pretty common - this is very often (almost always) driven by money. Your wife will argue she is agreeing to shared care (it does not have to be 50:50) - and so what is your problem (she will say)?

With her proposal she will get the majority of the estate (well, she will be the resident parent - won't she), keep child benefit &c and get a bit of child maintenance from you. She (and her solicitor) will know there is plenty of bias towards women in the family law system, and the best you might do if you fought it would be to get a 50:50 split, so is it worth the (huge) cost of trying to do that just to gain half a day per week with the kids (and also risking getting a misandrist judge that might give you even less)?

This is a common trick - it is very hard to counter, this being far from a level playing field for dads. If you get 3/7 of the time (on paper - it sounds like you might end up doing a lot of childminding) that would be better than most men achieve. The downside is you lose some money (estate and income) and many state bodies (DWP, county council, borough council, schools &c) will not treat you as an equal parent. On the other hand you will see your boys a lot, and have a chance to be a really good dad (which is probably the most important thing).

You won't be able to force your wife to accept anything else at mediation, so the only route to getting 50:50 split residency would be a court. It is up to you whether you think it is worth it.

Good fortune Doh, this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but what is on the table at the moment is probably as good as it gets. Not fair, is it?

O

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50 50 2 months 5 days ago #97480

  • Doh
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Hi Othen

many thanks for your quick reply.

sorry Frazos for coming onto your thread.

Yes you can look at this from 2 points of view.
Im lucky i can still see my kids 3 times a week, but im used to seeing them nearly every day and i look after them at least 4-5 nights a week now at home as wife is away.
so a little bitter.
yes its all to do with money....which is really sad as its not in the best interest of my children.
all i pushed for is an even split as we have the same earnings, but she has pushed i pay her child maintenance to her which will cover their monthly costs for her and then i still have to pay for them on top for the 3 nights a week which includes every other weekend.
We agreed a fair figure at home before our last mediation, but when we went in for the final meeting she ignored this.
Whats tough now is that we have always got on OK, just grown apart, Now i cant trust her and to do this in mediation after we sat through and agreed whats fair has made me bitter. Plus she has had a big pay rise and kept that from me and the mediator. And she still pushed for more in mediation.
I cant even talk to her at the moment which is tough as in the house still with the kids, So have to pretend for the kids sake.

thanks again for the quick reply.

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50 50 2 months 5 days ago #97483

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Hi Doh,

Again, apology to Frazos.

It sounds like your wife has picked up some advice on how to maximise her gain from this - and I doubt that you would be able to make a strong enough case to change what she is offering in a court. The state doesn't really want to get involved in this one, it thinks you and your wife should be able to solve it yourself. Your wife is taking advantage of that and has made a sort of good offer that still gives her most of the money. If you did refer it to a court get ready to spend serious money on the process and don't be surprised if you get a worse deal in the end (there is plenty of bias against dads - someone will probably tell me off for saying that, but it is true and there is not much point pretending otherwise).

You could refer this back to the moderator, he wont mind as it will justify two or three more sessions at £200/time for him. At the end of the day moderation isn't binding anyway, so if your wife doesn't like it she can walk away with no deal.

You sound like a good bloke, who will put his kids first. That is the right way. Ask yourself whether the deal your wife is offering is good enough for them, and a lot better than the alternative (which is probably them living with their mother and you seeing them alternate weekends). Only you can decide what is the answer to that one.

Good fortune Doh.

O

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Last Edit: by othen. Reason: Poor grammar.
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