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TOPIC: At the end of my tether tonight

At the end of my tether tonight 2 weeks 3 days ago #101467

  • Kaput
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I have been divorced for 11 years. And there has been non stop drama for all 11 of them. I have always paid maintenance for my 2 girls who are now teenagers. I have lost my job to redundancies several times over the last 11 years. At one point being without work for almost 2 years. All of this time I have either paid over what CSA recommended or of late what they have recommended. I have never once in the time not paid anything. My girls don't go without. My ex and her partner now own the house but I have a share which will pay out when they turn 18. I am remarried and my wife has adult children that live abroad. We both lost our jobs this year again but within a couple of months we found work again. We were fortunate to have good redundancy packages. I have taken a lower paying job to get back into work and I have decided due to so many job losses to change career. My money has therefore dropped. The monthly maintanance money has dropped. Before we lost our jobs we had already booked and planned a holiday away with my children and one to go see my wifes children. We got back today from seeing her children and fetched my daughters. During the trip I have received a text from my ex wifes partner saying we are a disgraceful for going on 2 holidays this year and not paying them more money. They have had my car valued (just bought a car with my severance as I lost my company car), called the cattery where our cat was being kept and asked them how much we paid. They feel that I should be paying far above the recommended CSA payments. My wife has a very good job and the truth be told, pays for this "luxurious" lifestyle we get accused of living. I have endless texts from my ex, her partner demanding more money. Sometimes every day. I have tried not engage. Tried to reason and today, a huge fight broke out which I tried to avoid in front of the girls. My wife is upset because she feels her family always come last and every decision we make is under scrutiny and needs to be explained or justified. We essential were not on holiday but visiting her children and now a huge row has happened in front of my girls with my ex and her partner verbally attacking me in their drive. My oldest daughter has been telling all our financials and showing her mum my facebook posts. I am being manipulated, harassed and pushed from all sides. Should I get some legal advice? I don't know how to make it stop. Its upsetting my girls, my wife and it is really starting to get me down. Where do I stand and how do I make this stop? I want to provide for my girls but its just never enough as far as their mum or her partner goes. Does she have a right to question every single purchase we make? I am at the end of my tether!

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Last Edit: by Kaput.

At the end of my tether tonight 2 weeks 2 days ago #101482

hi,

thats sounds terrible. you need to be firm with them. tell them to mind their own business. you can take as many holidays as you like :) if your officially registered with CMS, then pay what they tell you to pay. thats it.

keep all the phone messages. message your ex and her partner, that this is causing you a great deal of stress and anxiety, for your wife/children too. you consider all of this as harrassment. and if this does not stop, you will be reporting them to police for harrassment.

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At the end of my tether tonight 2 weeks 1 day ago #101491

Hi Kaput,

I am sorry to hear that you are being harassed in this way. I agree with Bill337 in that as long as you pay what CSA tells you too, then the rest of your financial situation (i.e. your wife's) is none of their business. As you say, your daughters never go without.

Try and always remain calm when you are being verbally abused and try not to rise up to their level. Walk away if you have to/put the phone down. As Bill337 says, keep a record of all messages etc which can be used as evidence of harassment should you ever need it and tell them that this is what you are doing.

Hang in there and be strong for your daughters and your wife.

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Trained Parent Support Worker and Dad to 3 lively children

At the end of my tether tonight 5 days 15 hours ago #101705

Hi Kaput, how is the situation?

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Trained Parent Support Worker and Dad to 3 lively children
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