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TOPIC: Child Maintenance help

Child Maintenance help 1 week 2 days ago #101595

Hi, I’m a Mum and not a Dad. Hope that’s ok.
I have been receiving child benefit for 5 years since the split with my ex.
He never pays on time. Sometimes it’s 8, 10 or even 12 weeks at a time. He does pay at the end of it so I am fortunate in that’s sense. However he should be paying on time.
If I’m due to go on holiday or have an occasion or something like that he withholds the money as he thinks I’m struggling. But I’m not struggling. In fact his measly contributions make little difference BUT he is obligated to pay for his children.
He has told me several times “I’m lucky to get anything”. I only contact him when he is a month late which is by email to remind him of his legal obligation. However he never responds or even acknowledges. So I have recently resorted to sending a letter to husband home he lives in in hope I can get him to pay.
He simply does as he pleases with paying yet has this extravagant life he cannot afford and as a result my children suffer financially. As much as I don’t ‘need’ his money it obviously helps a little. He currently pays £20 per week which should be under a financial remedy order. However I know this isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
I contribute £10 per week to his travelling which he takes out of the maintenance as he should pay £50 pw.
He is self employed and uses this as his excuse. But his lifestyle doesn’t say the same that he has no money.
If I go through CMS I’m likely to get nothing at all and he would love that.

This (child Maintenance) is the ONLY thing he uses to control as I don’t allow him any control anymore.

Is there anything I can do or do I just sit in this cycle of letting him do as he pleases??

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Child Maintenance help 1 week 2 days ago #101596

  • Jmax
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Hi,

I think this is important for some dad's to understand the other side from what we usually here. I think it's fair to say the CMS is not fit for purpose for the paying or the recieving parent in many cases.

If I was you I would open up a case with the CMS, if he does not pay on time then you can contact them directly. Unfortunately using being self employed to minimise maintenance does happen I don't believe that you can do much about this unfortunately as the CMS can only use past tax returns. You should not be paying for him to see his own child.

Maybe before you do anything you can contact a mediator and try and sit down with a third party and explain the issues

J
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Child Maintenance help 1 week 2 days ago #101597

Hi, thank you for your response.
I am grateful for any contribution. I never have asked for anything else. What he pays is what he pays. I am remarried and we can afford our children. We have holidays, they are clean and fed and really happy.
However this really bugs me.
If he was hard up I’d happily say get yourself back on your feet before sorting this out but his lifestyle as I’ve said is extravagant. A judge ordered some contribution because I live 3 hours away and he does all of the travelling and to be fair a 6 hour round trip is quite a lot.
All I want is for him to pay on time.
Sadly I can’t do mediation because the marriage was dissolved because of domestic violence with a NM Order whereby he wasn’t even allowed to raise his voice at the children.

So basically nothing I can do except keep chasing it because if I don’t he’d never pay.

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Child Maintenance help 1 week 1 day ago #101600

  • Yoda
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I would just leave it with CMS and then you don't have to chase him - they do!
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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Child Maintenance help 6 days 12 hours ago #101678

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I agree, let the CMS do the work for you. It will cost you £20 to open a case, and initially go on direct pay, which means he pays you directly as he does now. However, if he doesn't pay, or pays consistently late, then it may be he will be put on collect and pay - this is where he pays them directly, and they pass it on to you - they are 20% onto his payment, and deduct 7% from the money they send you (that's their fee for the service) - but if you don't need the money so much, then the 7% reduction won't be too harsh, and the threat of a 20% hike on his contribution might just be enough to make him pay on time.

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Child Maintenance help 4 days 11 hours ago #101727

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Admin message - we have deleted a couple of posts on here as admin feel that these were not constructive in their nature. Please note that this site is for support and all questions are welcomed, and responses should be equally constructive. People have their own individual situations and we are here to try to help wherever possible, and even though this is predominantly a dads' site, we are more than happy to give advice to mums as our primary concern is that the children should get the best possible outcome.

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