I've been divorced for a while now and have an arrangement with the ex where I have my two girls Monday, Wednesday and Friday night and then part of Saturday (normally to 1pm to 2pm).
I earn £32k gross and therefore pay their mum £250.00 a month and then I do provide for whatever else the girls need.
Their mum has things like dance lessons bills and school dinner money coming out of her account, receives the child support and claims the £250 I pay her isn't towards the dance fees etc.
Last month for example my expenditure was:
Standard £250.00 maintenance in line with Gov website.
£72.00 bus fare
£10.50 footy shorts
£20.00 polo shirts
£22.50 mobile phone
£40 pocket money
£25.00 football team subs.
£7.00 socks and knickers.
£40 for can you dance spends
£36.50 half can you dance tickets & classes
£50 show deposit
£20.00 holiday spends
= £644. 50
Their mum is then claiming I should give her half of whatever else she spends on the girls which would have equated to over £800.00 in total before I pay rent and my own bills.
I just want things to be fair and the girls to not suffer as a result of some of the abusive texts I receive from their mum that have caused me to block her emails, etc.
Am I being unreasonable and would it be wise to have the CMA rule on this?
The stress is causing issues with my girlfriend who has moved the girls in with us for over a year now and all in all I feel a bit useless and lost.
I've just checked the child maintenance calculator, and according to that, you'd pay about £426 per month - that covers everything, and there is no requirement to pay anything additional. With that figure in mind, you can either open a case yourself with them (costs £20 one off fee, as long as you don't go into arrears) and tell your ex that's all you are paying (you can pay extra voluntarily if you wish), or you can try to negotiate with your ex to a sensible monthly contribution.
How did the £424 approx figure come about as with my gross salary less pension contribution I get it to calculate at about £220.00 for both girls??
My apologies, I didn't account for the 3 nights per week stay, or the pension contribution, so your figure is probably correct. That aside, the points I raised still stand, but with your figures to play with.
I think I am being reasonable but the issue arises that for some of the things that come out of the ex's account she is now pleading poverty (she kept house subject to me taking a 10% of value payment to come off deeds) and the chap she was cheating with hasn't sorted his own divorce or sale of his/his ex's property) so between my ex wife and her partner they have two mortgages to pay and my 2 girls and his 3 kids.
I've had the whole "he helps pay for your kids / I'll tell the girls you won't pay anymore for them so they can't do what they used to do" thrown at me which I class as emotional blackmail!
Other than asking the CSA to intervene as we'd tried to be amicable I don't know where else to turn.
I'd really get a case opened with CMS and get the payment sorted out. That is your minimum position, and makes it clear to her that is all you are legally obliged to pay, and if she kicks up a fuss, then that's all you will pay. If however, she acts reasonably, then you can agree with her to pay for certain other things.