Broken up with my ex 4 years. Since then she won't accept any money from me. I've tried in the past and have given her money when we were together. A couple of times she got abusive to me and was looking for a reaction and then started complaining to her father that I wasn't paying her. But still when I try she won't take it. It's like she's playing a game with me and making me out to be a bad father. She won't let me take the kids and when I do visit she usually sits in the same room and I'm limited to games I can play with my kids, so stressful. Now she keeps coming up with crap excuses for the last month and have not seen them. If this goes to court how can I prove I'm pulling my bit but she won't let me ?
Why wont she accept the money? If you do pay child maintenance, I would suggest only doing a bank transfer so there is proof. My ex told the child maintenance she wanted me to pay cash, drop it in letter bit, i said no because she can just pretend I didnt give it her.
It seems odd that she is happy for you to see the child but not accept any money?? I wish my ex didnt want any money off me!
Maybe you should contact the CMS yourself and try to set up payments via them? I wouldn't recommend handing over cash, even if she changed her mind, as the burden of proof that you gave her any money at all would like squarely on you. Alternatively, I'd say put maintenance money aside in a separate so you've got a head start for whenever she does spring a claim.
From the limitations being place on your relationship with your kids, it sounds like you don't have a court order in place. If you wish to pursue this, you would first have to set up mediation with her discuss making more reasonable arrangements. If you are not able to reach agreement, you should then be able to make an application to court.
Hi very sorry to have to say this but I think she just wants you out of the picture that’s why she is making it so hard for you you sound like a caring dad who is bothered about his children you do need to get the ball rolling with court and the cms for your children sake I don’t think it’s your fault you have obviously been trying to be decent but you need to be tougher from now on lol
this is weird. either you can leave her alone, and wait for her to one day surprise you with a CMS claim. or you can pay £20 and register yourself to CMS and sort it out. if you go to court for child arrangements, Maintenance payments is separate issue. courts frown upon dads that don't pay child support. but you been trying to pay anyhow.
You could try offering her maintenance for the kids in writing. That will establish you have been trying to do the right thing and she's the one being obstructive. Courts don't judge the amount of maintenance you do or don't pay when coming to a decision on the sharing of a child's time between separated parents - this isn't 'pay-per-view', which some mothers seem to believe is the case. The court's main focus is the benefit to the child of having both parents engaged in their care and upbringing.
Your ex may make a claim for maintenance eventually, but she'll be wrong if she thinks she can backdate it whenever she does, and try to sting you for a fat lump sum - she will only be able to make a claim starting from the date she makes the application, so you also have the option of doing nothing and waiting for her either to accept the maintenance, or put in a claim.
More worrying is the intrusion and limitations in the time you spend with your kids, which sounds like you may need to be more proactive in addressing by getting the mediation ball rolling.
With regards to child maintenance, I'd really follow the advice above and open a case with CMS yourself - that way you have proof that you have been trying to pay, and if she won't accept the money, then you have that also from them, in which case, put the money into savings for when they are older.