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TOPIC: help me please

help me please 2 months 1 week ago #110771

I left my wife in 2012. Since then she has tried at every opportunity to take money from me. In My relationship with her I was controlled, bullied and isolated from my friends and family.
I left her with the house to ensure my children were safe and secure. In 2019 she sold this house and moved in with another man who is a former trustee of Father’s need Families. They seem to be using his knowledge against me. The month she (officially) moved in with him she involved CMS.
Since then she has lied to the CMS and I have ended up in financial difficulties.
I have had mental health problems and been diagnosed with diabetes brought on by stress. I have a final court hearing on Friday as i have challenged the CMS and it has gone to a tribunal. I do not have the money for legal advice but I am doing it myself.

In September my son moved in with me as he was involved in sexual experimentation with her new partners son. Her partner tried to criminalise my son for this. I was begged to take my son so her and my daughter did not need to move out. He was insisting this had to happen. I involved Children's services and it has been resolved.

She is unwilling to tell cms the arrangements have changed.
I have been asked to make payments still. I told CMS i couldn't. It’s costing me a lot of money to care for him as I drive 40 miles a day to take him to school. She is not willing to pay anything for him and demands I still pay the amount agreed by CMS (which was a lie as she said i only saw my children one day a week when they stay every Wednesday and 3 nights every other week as well as time in holidays).

I made CMS aware of this and told them i can't afford to look after my son and pay the £460 maintenance. The guy on the phone listened and said we can't advise you not to pay but i can understand if you didn't. I calculated it is costing me around another £500 to have my son.
I have applied to receive Child Benefit. This has been approved but I have not yet received anything. I have also made a formal CMS application. This is based on the child benefit i believe. I had to do this She ignores my messages but has gone to cms to tell them I’m not paying any money
I need help

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help me please 2 months 1 week ago #110776

  • Bill337
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sounds like you are going through a very tough time. CMS can be very systematic. Without a court order that states how many nights you have your child or if their living with you, CMS will go on hearsay and assume child lives with you 1 night a week. If tribunal outcome does not resolve this issue, you could look at self-representing and getting a court order for child arrangements. I signed up with CMS after court hearings, and sent them the court order as proof of overnight stays with kids.

How old is your child? and are you working at the moment? if working you may want to consider taking a break for your own health issues. I lost 2 jobs during lockdown. I told CMS, so I am not paying maintenance until i get a new job. I know how stressful and draining court is. was there a few months ago. I am taking a breather and focusing on my self.

take a look at these clips about self-care when you get time. very helpful: www.dad.info/forum/behaviour-management/...hip-breakdown#110757

about your 40 mile travels, you can tell CMS about that and claim special expenses. They should reduce the maintenance a little bit. But I understand the tribunal hearing is more important now.

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Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer or trained professional. I am not in a position to give legal advice. Please consult a qualified professional for legal advice.
Last Edit: by Bill337.

help me please 2 months 1 week ago #110797

Thanks Bill
My son is 13 and i am working. I work for a charity and i really cannot afford not to work.
I have told CMS about all the miles. The problem lies in the fact that Systematic is the word and the tribunal is the big thing at the moment. i will take your advice on the days court order.

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