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TOPIC: Child scared of mother

Child scared of mother 1 year 7 months ago #89772

  • DansDad
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I don’t know if anyone is in a similar situation, but I am looking for advice.
At the moment I have sole residency of my 3yr old son. His mother hasn’t seen him in six months. The reason being that he was physically abused by mother and/or her boyfriend. Got SS and CID involved. She is pregnant again, due any day and the baby is going straight to foster care.
My worry is that SS decided (after saying that she’s to have no contact) that she can have an hour a fortnight supervised contact in a contact centre. My little boy is distressed by the thought of having to see her. The emotional scars run deep. Social worker coming to see me tomorrow and the first contact is 2 days later. I know he’s going to tell the sw that he doesn’t want to see mother. What can I do to help him m get through this - or even better to protect him from going through it?

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Child scared of mother 1 year 7 months ago #89775

Hi There,
.
At the age he is, all you can do is just be there for him and comfort him, he will be distressed and the scars will run deeply as you say, It may be that after a few sessions at a contact centre that they ask the advice of the staff and they may stop them.
.
GTTS

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Child scared of mother 1 year 7 months ago #89835

  • Mojo
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I'm sorry there's been a delay in responding.

This is so distressing for your son, I would have advised that you refuse direct contact initially, but agree to indirect contact, which allows the mother to write to him for a period of time to allow your son to get used to the idea... However, I'm assuming that the contact is due to take place today... sorry.

If contact has gone ahead but your son was distressed and it has affected him, you can still state that it's too soon and that whilst youre not against a reintroduction at some point, you feel strongly that this should be managed in a thoughtful way to avoid too much distress for your child. Tell them that you will agree to indirect contact, for the mother to write to him once a fortnight, to reestablish contact slowly to make sure he is ready. Suggest that this continues for as long as he needs, but at least 6 months, to give him time to get used to the idea. If they don't agree you can say that it's your responsibility to protect your child, so if the mother wants more than you are prepared to offer, then she can apply to court for contact.

Sometimes you have to box clever, by not refusing and offering a compromise you will buy more time, hopefully she will slip up, not keep up contact regularly, or there may be further domestic incidents.

Please let us know how your little one got on today and once again, sorry for not getting back to you sooner.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Child scared of mother 1 year 7 months ago #89906

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Thank you for your advice. Contact went ahead. The social worker bribed him by saying if he was a good boy then daddy would take him to McDonald’s! He is so confused at the moment. For 6/7 months his head and his heart have been telling him that his mother is a bad person who failed to protect him, then all of a sudden he’s being told that daddy will treat him if he’s a good boy and sees her. Thankfully there’s no contact this weekend - an hour a fortnight is more than enough, I am just afraid that he is so confused at the moment he doesn’t know who to trust. Mother gave birth the morning before contact and the newborn was removed from her 3 days later....)

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