TOPIC: Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school

Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 1 year 3 months ago #91633

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You ought to do it sooner rather than later.

If you did it as an 'emergency' application, you don't have to attend mediation.

You need a C100 form and apply for two things; a Child Arrangement Order for your daughter to live with you & spend time with the mother, and a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent the mother removing her from your care.

Without either of these orders, the mother could remove your daughter from your care and there wouldn't be anything you can do about it except make a court application.

The fact that you have social services on side should make this relatively simple.

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 1 year 3 months ago #91640

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As I mentioned before, as there's a court order already in place, you would be applying for a variation of the existing order to have your child live with you, along with the PSO, and as there are risks of harm to your child that you need to tell the court about, it would be helpful to fill out a C1a form too.

It's important that you think about how contact with the mother could progress, the court would want to see that there have been attempts to resolve the issues between your daughter and her mother.

Perhaps you could suggest a period of indirect contact, such as letters or phone calls to begin with, might that be something that you could try to implement now?

Best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 11 months 2 weeks ago #93986

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Update,
I didn't apply to the court. My ex applied for a emergency order but it wasn't granted and a ordinary court date was given.
I didn't fill in any forms that the court sent me, cafcass tried phoning me but I missed the call and no one was available when I called them back.
I turned up at court and the judge said there's nothing he can do, daughter is happy with me and he needs a report from my daughter.. Section 7? And a court date to be set for in three months time. No contact between mother and daughter.
This was after cafcass spoke to me in a room at court and I told cafcass I'm only here today on behalf of my daughter and explained the history and that I as a parent have to do what's in the best interest of the child. Same as what any adult should do. And any issues that my daughters mother has needs sorting out but I can't reason with my ex and it was exactly the same methods of control and fear she used on me she's now using with our daughter so I understand how difficult it is for my daughter.
My ex wasn't happy when the judge said it'll be back in court in three months time. She said she's not seen her daughter in months.
After court I spoke to my ex and said look please stop this, we need to work together and I know I'll be able to get our daughter to start seeing you again, and we can meet up at a play centre or park or somewhere similar.
My ex said she doesn't want to be anywhere near me to which I replied i don't particularly want to be near you even now I don't want to be here but it's not about me it's about our daughter.
Afew days later I text her making the same offer saying I've spoken to daughter and she will meet up but she's not happy about it but will do it because I've asked her to try.
Ex replied.. No! She doesn't want to be anywhere near me. I replied it's not about us.
Afew days later ex text me she wants to meet up on Saturday at 12.to see her daughter and I'm not going to stop her. I said meeting is no problem but we are busy this Saturday until 8 but available Sunday and any day or time during the week (even though I work I'm self employed so nothing is a issue)she replies see! You are controlling our time! I replied lol and ignored her.
During the week I text to say we are free all weekend and I've sorted bowling out for Saturday so if she is available she can turn up. During this time I'd got our daughter texting her mum but each time all my daughter got as replies were quesetions and hassle. So my daughter stopped replying. Then my ex would blame me saying I'm stopping her replying.
I explained I'm doing everything I can to sort things out. And she's got no logic she's irrational and irattic and she's pushed our daughter away. These type of petty things keep on happening, I'll make progress with my daughters views on her mother only for her mother to ruin it.
All my exs family have now blocked our daughter on WhatsApp. My ex has too. My ex said she's cancelled court. Only then to text to say court won't cancel it, cafcass phoned her and said they don't trust us to sort It out between ourselves so they won't cancel the case.
Can't wait to get the cafcass visit over with and get back into court.
What I do want to know is if our daughter doesn't want contact with her mother and me and my family want to move but are being stopped from moving and bettering our families life due to having my daughter join our family will the judge allow us all to move or do we have to stay stuck were we are. I would help the ex see our daughter as long as she doesn't ruin it herself, like I would pay for travel hotel etc or I'd even travel to the the with our daughter.

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Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 11 months 2 weeks ago #94002

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I think you are being more than reasonable, so I think it's now more for your ex to start behaving like an adult. I would also be careful about how much you push your daughter to keep in touch - I'm all for encouraging her, but if, when she does contact her mother, she is getting grief from her mother, then there has to be a limit, and you need to protect your daughter over everything.

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Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 11 months 2 weeks ago #94007

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Thanks, I do think I'm reasonable I try my best with everything because I believe in living a nice stress free life and try to surround myself with similar people and have tried to show the ex when we were together that life's excellent and I'm still trying to help her in a way cos there's no need for any of this
, but the ex hasn't behaved like an adult apart from when I originally got with her and she was on her best behaviour and giving me her sob story. So I don't think she'll ever behave like an adult cos she's even pushed her daughter away and won't change even for her daughter.
I encourage our daughter to have contact, I won't allow her to block her mother and that side of the family even though they have blocked her. I see it as IF they do ever act like adults and want to contact her they can unblock her and she can reply.
Truthfully life if her mother wasn't in our life would be so much better and I do feel trapped to a certain extent because I'm still not free from her to be able to do as I please, I can't go abroad on holiday, it's even been hard going away this summer holidays in England, moment she was told I'm not local she said she's going to phone the police because she believes I've done a runner abroad lol she just thrives off trouble.
I just want to be able to live my life with my wife and all my children the way we live life.. Happily. I don't need the exs negative ways disrupting.

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Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 11 months 2 weeks ago #94008

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When I split up with my kids mother, I tried the same, but my older daughter (13 at the time) asked me to stop trying, and that she would speak to her mother if she wanted to, when it suited her. The courts reluctantly accepted this.

Over the years, their mother has made attempts to contact them, and a short (usually text) conversation has ended because the mother always ruins it, to the extent that neither of my daughters really want anything to do with her. I never did anything to prevent contact - I was always clear to my children that I didn't like my ex at all, and I would never forgive her for the way she treated them (couldn't care less about how she treated me), but she was still their mother, and it was their choice as to what contact they have.

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Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 11 months 2 weeks ago #94042

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Update, received a letter from cafcass saying mother has asked to withdraw her application. Only the judge can decide whether she may withdraw her application, and that the cafcass appointment with myself is cancelled.
What usually happens when a parent with residency has asked to cancel their application?
Does residency get passed to the other parent whom the child lives with?

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Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 11 months 2 weeks ago #94063

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It won't necessarily get cancelled, if the court feel that it wouldn't be in the child's best interests to do so. The fact that she has residency isn't the issue here, its thechilds well being and current situation.

It could happen that the court don't cancel the application, and go ahead and make a new order that reflects the current situation, that your child lives with you. They would also most likely want to order contact with the mother. But I wouldn't rely on that happening, I think you should secure your daughters position as living with you.

I think you've got a couple of options, but you would need to act quickly.

You could put in a new application within existing proceedings, with form C2, applying for a variation to have the order state that the child lives with you.

You could email the court, marking the email as - For The Urgent Attention of (name of judge)

Explain that you're aware that the applicant mother has requested to withdraw her application, but that you feel it would be in your daughters best interests to have the existing order varied, to reflect that your daughter lives with you. Mentioning that as it stands, you're unable to take your daughter on holiday or think about moving homes.

Further, that you are extremely concerned about the mothers recent actions; blocking your daughter from making contact with her, which has been distressing for your daughter.

Request that the proceedings be allowed to continue so that this can be sorted out.

As I said, best to do this asap.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 8 months 3 weeks ago #95761

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Hi quick update, been back to court, mother didn't attend but had spoken to cafcass and told them she's burnt all bridges. Cafcass was happy to recommend everything to end.
The judge however wants cafcass to try to persuade the mother to do indirect contact.
First the judge said supervised contact, then she reread a few sentences of mothers conversation with cafcass, then pulled a face at the cafcass guy and said indirect contact.
So back to court in new year.

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Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 8 months 3 weeks ago #95766

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Did you get an interim order for your child to live with you?

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Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 8 months 3 weeks ago #95803

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Not sure, I don't take too much notice off different terms, letter that came from court after the first court date says child lives with father, father isn't allowed to or let anyone remove the child from England etc. That must be the order. I just bin them I don't keep clutter haha.
I don't even write statements or anything, no paper work. I tell the judge straight I don't want to be in court Iv got a life Iv got kids, but I'll come into court and answer any questions they have.
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Daughter refusing to see mother and go to school 8 months 3 weeks ago #95804

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In the early days of court when daughter was a baby, I did everything "by the book" I'd go court all smart etc.acted respectfully towards the judges kinda like they were god with my happiness in their hands, it got me nowhere.
Now I go in my work wear and don't give a damn, I get much better results and more respect by showing them I don't give a damn. Well that's how it feels.

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