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TOPIC: Please help.

Please help. 1 year 1 month ago #95118

Hi everyone. I'm all new at this but I hope you guys can help. Basically I am now a full time single dad of 4 as my ex dropped this kids at my house and didn't want to know. I have had to stop my job lose my house as it was with my job and pause my life. We have had social services involved as she would send the older kids to school dirty and hungry who have said they are happy with the kids in my care and how much they have come on however I have recently discovered she has done this because she has got a new partner and is 7 months pregnant which I have only found out this weekend. No the children don't know. Her visitation is very speratic and she always let's the kids down making promises and not carrying them out and lieing to them then they find out. Which has started to effect them. I'm now thinking because it's effecting the children mentally about reducing or stopping access is this possible and legal? And is there any way of getting stopping him from coming near my kids, myself and my family as he has threatened me and my family in the past and he is not allowed access to his Kids for a reason. I've heard from the ex's brother that he's quite aggressive and gets angry with her when she tells him he cannot see the kids... sounds abit of an odd reaction. Thanks.

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Please help. 1 year 1 month ago #95124

Hi There,

Stopping contact all together is going to be difficult the courts try as much as they can to have both parents in the children's lives. If there is a risk to the children then they may look at supervised contact rather than stopping it, as this would offer some protection, supervision could either be done by a family member of hers/yours or at a contact centre.

As far as her new partner being kept away from the children supervised contact would probably stop that, but if it didn't you may struggle unless there are records to show he would be e threat, if he is being kept away from his children, it may be that SS have been involved there which would help you, but if they haven't you could struggle.

GTTS

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Please help. 1 year 1 month ago #95129

I've spoken to a solicitor when they have said I can stop contact and then it is down to her to take it to court to gain access but it has to be done through mediation first which I cannot see her paying for. Sad thing is I asked the kids what they want to do tomorrow and my 8 year old said he wants to go to London because mum's in hospital there (meant to be having cancer treatment) but she's not in London she's going Newcastle to see his family. She said London to us to try and keep her secret... 1 who lies about having cancer. 2. What kind of mother lies to there own kids. This is why I have had to stop contact there is more behind it too which has effected the kids more too and turned them into wrecks which I have to sort out.

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Please help. 1 year 1 month ago #95137

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Poor little boy, he will be worried about his Mum if he thinks she's in hospital... and dealing with the fall out in the best way for the kids will take careful management of this situation.

I would advise that you talk to the school about what is happening and ask for their advice and support.

Lying about an illness is an awful thing to do, what professional help have you organised for your children? If you haven't already, it might be a good idea go and see your GP about getting some help for the kids.

Stopping contact isn't usually advised, but if you feel that the situation is causing your children serious harm, it's your responsibility to protect them. It might also be helpful to speak to Children Services about your concerns.

It's true that it's down to her to apply to the court for contact, if you stop it, but court is unpleasant and so stressful, that it would be better to try and avoid it. I would suggest that if you intend to stop contact, you could think about offering supervised contact, or indirect contact via Skype or telephone and the sending of cards and letters.

Your 8yr old is wanting to see his mum, it might be more damaging to prevent him from having contact with her, so supervising all contact is the middle ground.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Please help. 1 year 1 month ago #95157

Yea it's effected them all myn8 and 6 year old when their tired cry saying who will look after us when you die because mum won't look after us and I've got to calm them down and erasure them, it's heart breaking.

I have a family support work and a health visitor but not anymore as they are happy with my parenting but I have spoke to them about the situation and the just say you do what you need to do to protect them.

Sad thing is I doubt she will pay for court or anything because she doesn't show.much interest but if she does then yes a contact centre is what if want with supervised contact. She never turned up to any meetings about the kids or anything.

I will also be speaking to the schools after half term to give them a heads up and get in writing how it's effecting them at school.

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Please help. 1 year 1 month ago #95169

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If you are on benefits, I believe there is still legal aid for mediation, so you could look into this.

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Please help. 1 year 1 month ago #95198

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... Not turning up to meetings is pretty telling! If she’s not motivated to be involved then you're probably right... she won’t be bothered to put the effort into taking it to court.

That said it’s still important to show that you are taking the right steps, by letting her know in writing that you’re stopping contact, giving the reasons why, and agreeing to supervised contact in a centre if she wishes to set it up, as long as its local to you.

Regardless of everything that’s happened, your children still love their mum... I know it’s hard to separate the anger at her behaviour, with the basic fact of the children’s unconditional love for her. By offering supervised contact you are protecting your kids but acknowledging her as a parent.

Best of luck

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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