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TOPIC: Is this wrong?

Is this wrong? 2 months 2 weeks ago #98082

  • LiamH28
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So... Back again and just filed another C100 to have my court order amended....

My son lives with myself Sun - Fri
& ment to be with his Mother and Grandmother Fri-Sun..

Mother has now moved 3 hrs away and takes my son with her (Not agreed in order) but let this slip because I have agreed to be flexibile...

My sons now missing out on joining teams with his friends and naturally playing out on a weekend with school friends as he is taken so far every week, He is never in the same address and always staying over in different friends homes of his mothers, or in the back of a transit van on a matress and being told its camping...
but my main point is this weekend after his mother had collected him, she told me my son was spending the night away with her partner and her partners dad. My son does not no her partners dad, and only sees her partner time to time. I was outraged and wanted to collect him but they refused to give me the address of were he was, Police refused to help as its a civil matter, why on earth would 2 men wana go away with my boy and why has the mother agreed and tried to justify by saying they are bonding, his weekends are time to bond with his mother not friends or partners.. I have re-applied to court to have him stay at home more on a weekend and for nobody without parental responsibility to be taking him

I am scared the judge will say I am the problem and overreacting... does anyone have any points or tips

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Is this wrong? 2 months 2 weeks ago #98090

  • Mojo
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Hi there

I seem to remember that her moving away was an issue at the time of your last court case. Has she moved further away?

I think it’s reasonable to want to vary the order, a child’s needs change as they get older and it’s only fair that he wants to spend some of his weekends joining in activities with his friends.

I think it’s at best irresponsible, at worst a safeguarding issue to send a child away with people he hardly knows..
I would certainly want that looked into and some conditions made about it.

If he wants to join a football team, they usually practice during the week and play a competitive game on a Saturday or Sunday. I would look into local teams and suggest an alternative schedule, perhaps contact starting from Saturday teatime until Sunday and suggesting a contact visit midweek to make up for the loss of fri/sat.

Best of luck
The following user(s) said Thank You: LiamH28

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DadTalk Moderator...

I'm not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

I may not be legally trained... but I have plenty of experience and common sense!

Is this wrong? 2 months 2 weeks ago #98092

  • LiamH28
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Thanks Mojo

you deserve a medal for the support you give us all,

Im waiting on a court date and what you have suggested makes perfect sense and a good offer, she has moved a further twice since last order, further each time.

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Is this wrong? 2 months 1 week ago #98109

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You’re very welcome Liam... happy to help.

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Is this wrong? 1 month 4 weeks ago #98365

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UPDATE...

Got my court case on 23rd May, have to try MIAMS again before hand even though I am going due to breach of current order...


My ex just txted me saying shes working the 26th April so my son will be staying with her partner all weekend 2 hours away from mine..

What can I do to prevent this, Court order states my son sees grandmother an mother weekends then returned back to me, and that we should be flexible, I am not happy that my son is being left with somebody without parental responsibility,
Every weekend hes not spending time with his mother or grandmother hes left with strangers.

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Is this wrong? 1 month 4 weeks ago #98368

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What does your son want to do? If he’s not happy I would contact her and tell her that you will not be making your son available for contact, to be looked after solely by her partner, whom your son hardly knows and who doesn’t have parental responsibility.

I would do it by letter and copy in the court, stating in the letter that the existing court order states your child is to stay with either her or his grandmother, if that isn’t happening due to her work commitments, and he is to be left with her boyfriend whom he hardly knows, then you will not be making him available for contact that weekend. Also state that you would be amenable to offering her alternate contact time, if she wishes to discuss that with you.

You’re going to court anyway, you’re not happy that he will be left with someone else who you don’t know. I really don’t think there will be repercussions, especially as you are offering alternative arrangements.

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Is this wrong? 1 month 3 weeks ago #98472

  • actd
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I'm not sure about the legal side of this, but as well as you not being happy, isn't in fact there a danger to your son if something happens to him that requires a trip to hospital? Your ex's partner is not legally able to give consent - if I am correct, then it's another argument for withholding contact that weekend.

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Is this wrong? 1 month 3 weeks ago #98515

  • LiamH28
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Thanks for reply, I mentioned that in letter to my ex and sent to judge I had reply from my ex but nothing back from Judge or Cafcass... I will struggle as court order states Grandmother can collect from school on Friday and school are aware of this so I will struggle to stop contact... Here is my letter and I will post reply, Names blanked out for obvious reasons...

Dear L
I received your text message on 17th April 2019 and been unable to discuss this matter further with
you.
You text me to tell me that because your solicitor advised you, You would let me know that you will
be working away the weekend of 26th April 2019 and your Mother will be collecting K from
School to take to Wales to be with your partner S and you will not be present.
I do not agree with this arrangement and raised these concerns on 30th March 2019 when you
allowed S to take K away with S father (K has never met) for the night without any
discussion with myself and withheld were he was staying.
I find it irresponsible to leave our child with somebody he hardly knows and does not have parental
responsibility for K.
In the event of any emergency S is unable to advise on any treatment K should receive, he is
also 2 hours drive away from Ks doctors and any other immediate family member.
As per court order LV@÷_/ K of a weekend should be in his grandmothers care with you and
on occasion travel to wales if you have work, He should not be there permantly with people he
rarely knows.
I agreed to the court order as I believed its important for k to remain in contact with you and
your mother for his benefit, however he is being left with anybody most of the time without you
present which is really worrying for k and myself.
I have made you aware K would like to stay at home with myself some weekends to see family,
play with his friends and take part in competitive sports.
For whatever reason this has been refused even though you will not be seeing him on the weekend.
On April 26th 2019 I will be willing to have K for the weekend where he can see family on my side
and stay in his own bed with a parent present.
If this is refused and Grandmother collects K, I am strongly against K being taken to Wales to
be with your partner, If she is to collect him he is to stay in her home in X as he has no reason
to be taken to wales.
Please let me know your thoughts before April 26th so we can reach an agreed outcome.

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Is this wrong? 1 month 3 weeks ago #98516

  • LiamH28
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I would like to provide some clarity on the situation regarding the weekend of the 26th April 2019.
I would like to make clear that my message I sent to yourself on the 17/04/2019 stated that due to me having to work on that particular weekend my Mother will be collecting K to spend the weekend with him and my partner at our family home in which K has resided at for the last two months, the address of which I have already provided you Xxx I do believe you have this as you made a uninvited and unarranged visit on the very late evening of 29th march 2019.
K has resided with me and my partner Mr S for past 13 months, every weekend and half of all school holidays. Prior to this, K has known S for 2+ years equalling 4+ years in total so you can rest assured that K over the years has become very accustomed to S and very happily accepted him as part of his family. In regards to the night of March 29th 2019 in which my partner S took K away for one evening with his Father and 5 year old Nephew, I had assured you on said evening that K would be more than safe in Ss care and had met both S Father and Nephew on several occasions and he himself was excited visit them. I had provided you with his location in Pwllheli and S mobile number however, I withheld the exact apartment number due to fear for my partner’s safety and K mental wellbeing as you immediately displayed highly aggressive behaviour and death threats via mobile telephone towards myself and my partner S once I had notified you that K would be away for the night.
In concerns to your allegations in which you state K is left with “anybody most of the time” I can assure you K is in the care of myself at the home he shares with me every weekend and on occasion he has stayed overnight with his Grandmother or Auntie M in which you said yourself you agree it is important for him to have visits with family. I would like to point out the upcoming weekend of the 26/04/2019 will be the first weekend I will have worked since the court order was set in place. You mentioned you have made me aware that K would like to spend occasional weekends with yourself to visit family and friends however when I have taken this matter up with K he states that he is happy with the current arrangement in which he resides with me every weekend and so I have made no effort to alter this. As I stated in court I am not opposed for K to spend the odd weekend with you if you request this and it is possible however the only recent request I have had from you regarding K spending time in Liverpool of a weekend was when you requested I drove to Liverpool early every Sunday morning to take K to football, I rightfully refused this request and explained to you it is not in the best interest of our family time but I was willing to look for a football team closer to my home. Again I am not opposed to K playing football on weekends if that is what he wishes to do however he has shown little to no interest in playing football but has actually asked to restart his horse riding lessons and I aim to support him in his own aspirations.
I don’t feel as though I have ever denied you access or extra time with K at your request, I would also like to point out there have been several occasions on which you have requested extra time with K which I make every effort to adhere to for example, on one occasion I allowed you to collect him a Saturday evening as you requested to take him to a christening the following Sunday, you requested a weekend in July to take K on holiday which I agreed to, just recently I offered you an extra Friday with K which you failed to inform me whether this was wanted so didn’t go through with, I also make every effort to work around your schedule on school holidays as I am aware your work schedule is more strict.
I have received your request to keep K the weekend of the 26th March however I have to politely decline this time due to the nature of your request, I feel as though you are not sincere in wanting the extra time with K rather I feel your motives are to prevent K from continuing with his life here with me and my family, I am aware I will not be present on that particular weekend however K has grown accustomed to his life here in wales and enjoys in very much so spending time with my partner S, S is not his Father and does not wish to replace yourself as Ks Father. With that being said I sure you can understand the importance of their relationship as you have previously declined my request to pick K up from school claiming it was important for your partner SC to spend time with him. In addition to this it is not possible as arrangements have already been made for his grandmother to spend time with him on that weekend and as you will have had him for 14 consecutive days at that point due to school holidays I feel you can agree it is not an unreasonable decision for me wanting K to settle back into the usual routine and not unsettle him. However, I am happy to make future arrangements if you wish to have time with K on a weekend.
You have asked me to explain why I feel it is in Ks best interest to come to Wales, firstly we have lived here now for over a year during this time K has settled in extremely well and even attends horse riding lessons. We live in a beautiful holiday destination within walking distance to the beach, play parks, mountains, outdoor walks and bike rides to name a few, this enables us to make the absolute most of our weekends with K taking him to explore the outdoors and live an active life full of fun activities. K has his own bedroom, belongings and own space within my house it is his home just as much as it is when he is at yours. I cannot stress enough the amount of freedom the location in which he resides with me gives him and how much he loves it, this isn’t to say he has a better life with me than he does with you I’m simply making the effort to put across a small part of the wonderful experiences and memories he creates here which benefit to his growth as a young healthy boy. In regards to my mother Mrs M residence, yes there is a spare bedroom in which we use when we sleep over but it is not Ks own personal room where he lives. You have been aware for more than one year that I had moved to Wales and K was living with me not my mother during this time you have made no complaint about this other than when it doesn’t suit you, as I have explained several times to you K has created a life together with me and my partner just as much as he has with you and partner. I feel it is unfair and extremely confusing for you to now request I unsettle Ks homelife in wales where he has every opportunity to grow and prosper to then reside in Runcorn where there are fewer opportunities even after I have told you how happy he has expressed he is in Wales and how he has asked me to stay here. I find it just as confusing that you claim you want what is best for K a happy settled life which I make every effort on my part, yet what you are asking is to unsettle him, take these opportunities away from him and ultimately make him unhappy. I’m not willing to let that happen, however you refuse to listen or believe these reasons I have told you on several occasions. At this point, I do not feel like there is much more I can do to communicate, assure and move forward with co-parenting.
I find it very difficult to communicate with you as you most often ignore my authority as Ks Parent, the court order states we have shared parental rights however I feel you don’t acknowledge me as an equal parent and often disregard my thoughts and opinions where K is concerned.
Thank you for passing on my details to Mediation I have booked an appointment and look forward to seeing you there where hopefully we can resolve our issues.
Lastly, I no longer wish to communicate with yourself on Whatsapp. I find it difficult to communicate effectively. I request that you contact me via email or if needed urgently text message.

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Is this wrong? 1 month 3 weeks ago #98517

  • LiamH28
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Most of the reply is lies and completly against the court order, hes moved homes with her 4 times since order and she always contradicts herself, ie order states go to wales on occasion due to work then she says shes lived there a year and this first weekend shes worked, shes in germany at the min.. how can you get a judge to see past the lies

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Is this wrong? 1 month 3 weeks ago #98523

  • Mojo
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Do you have proof that she has moved 4 times? Try not to get rattled, just focus on the reasons you are asking to vary the order, it’s to have quality weekend time with him as a family, and also it is his wish to be able to see his friends and to get involved in a local football team.

Obviously you should address leaving him with people that you don’t know, and without knowing his address when he’s with them, but the main reason for varying the order is the lack of weekend time at home... as long as you are prepared to offer alternatives, such as midweek contact, the court should realise that it is in your sons best interests.

Sometimes children will tell each parent what they think that parents want to hear, it might be a good idea to talk to your son and explain that you are getting mixed messages about what he would like to happen at the weekends, reassure him that whatever he wants is fine by you and there’s no problem, it you need to know what he really wants so that you can work with his mum to get it sorted out.

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