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TOPIC: Child running off

Child running off 2 weeks 2 days ago #106490

Hi all

Some advice please

Since the court order in March which now means my children don’t see me for a week at a time, my son today let himself out of his mums house with the intention of walking to my house, he’s only 7. She called me in a panic clueless about where he had gone.

He doesn’t like the 7 day gap as previously it was only a 3 day gap which the court changed. He wants to be here with me more but ex won’t allow it.

Thoughts on how to approach this as it’s the 7 day gap causing him the challenge and also the fact he wants to spend more time with me. I have told him running off isn’t the answer but how do I help him get the time he wants with me.

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Child running off 2 weeks 2 days ago #106491

hi,

him running off to see you should give your ex something to think about. would your ex not allow you to see your son mid-week for a few hours?

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Child running off 2 weeks 2 days ago #106492

Hi

He’s due to be here tomorrow for 5 nights over half term but she allowed him to come with me 12-4 today. Wouldn’t have been any harm in him staying tonight really. Used to see him on a Monday for a few hours before lockdown. But prior to March he would see me every 3 days,

She said he “exploded” and ran off. He actually sneaked out when she wasn’t looking, even packed a rucksack of school books.

She’s hiding behind the court order and not recognising his needs. Of course because that would mean an extra night and less child maintenance

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Child running off 2 weeks 2 days ago #106494

If the behaviour persists you can go back to court.

The court will not be very sympathetic if you encourage this though, so be careful.

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Child running off 2 weeks 2 days ago #106495

Hi

I didn’t encourage it and wouldn’t it’s not safe for one thing nor is it acceptable for him to do this at 7

However ex is ignoring the message he is making by doing this. Rather than find a solution she’s just going to put him in for school counselling, she’s even convinced him he needs it

I have my partner and her two boys here so clearly there is a big attraction for him here and he enjoys being here. He just wants more of that time with me

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Child running off 2 weeks 2 days ago #106497

i will be seeing kids monday-monday with new arrangement. asked for 1 video call a week. should be ok for now. hope to increase time in couple of months. eldest will be 7 in july.

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Child running off 2 weeks 1 day ago #106536

Hello Harry Potter!
This sounds to me as if your little boy is confused and feeling angry at not being heard. The difficulty is that he is caught between you and your ex and must be very aware of the animosity and negativity. Here's the thing, you seem to have a choice. Either go back to court to attempt to have the order changed, or work with what you have at the moment. I think it would be beneficial to sit down when you next have some one-to-one just you and him time (no other children or adults around). Talk simply about what the order is in a way that doesn't criticise his mum and look at how you can both work together to make it work. Talk about the necessity of keeping safe and how he can phone whenever he wants when its convenient with mum. Children like structure, so perhaps have a calendar which you can mark off with him as a visual reminder and plan something he would like to do with you eg play football, go pond-dipping etc etc. Children's behaviour can become reflective of what's going on around them - they need routine and consistency in their lives which can be tricky with co-parenting. You can put this structure in so he is very clear about what is happening week by week. I don't know how communication is between you and your ex, it doesn't sound wonderful, but perhaps if your son could see some positive conversation between you, working together for him rather than blaming, that may help. All the best

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Fegans Parent Support Worker
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