I am probably going through the most difficult situation of my life. I ask you reading please not to judge, and if you have nothing constructive to say please do not reply, as I have been suicidal on two occasions over the past two months due to what has happened.
I have probably suffered from anxiety all my life and some form of OCD. I was frightened my car was going to break down. I believed I was being followed by the police. I believed I had been hitting people with my car and was crashing into other cars. I was reporting incidents to the police. My now ex partner kept telling me I was not well and I needed help. I was constantly seeking reassurance from her over things I might have said in the past.
I was creating one problem, getting reassurance and making up another problem and becoming obsessed with getting it resolved.
This all peaked when I was in the shower two months ago, and I can't remember the issue I was fixated on at the time, but it was trivial and not important. I said to myself I have nothing else to worry about and I then had a sexually intrusive thought about my two kids who are 4 years (he isn't biologically mine) and 4 months.
I was physically sick and immediately phoned my doctor disgusted and worried I had it in the first place. This has genuinely never happened before. My DR said I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and prescribed me Sertraline. My anxiety has disappeared and I am in a better place considering what has happened.
I believe there is some form of OCD, it makes sense considering I became a father in February. My son was diagnosed with strider and some other breathing issues. I was worried he was going to die.
Long story short I told my now ex partner about the intrusive thought in the shower. She reacted badly and reported me to Social Services. Since the start of May my ex and her controlling mother have branded me a paedophile and child abuser.
They told Social they didn't want the childs biological dad knowing as he hadn't been in his life in two years. They said they were told to tell him by Social or Social would tell him. Social denied this and said it was untrue.
Anyway, the Social carried out a 3UNOCINI report which came back very favourable for me. I thought this is good news they were understanding there was a mental health issue and it was looking more positive for me. They wanted me to be able to see the kids and were going to do a risk assessment.
On the 28th May the oldest fella 4 met Social Services. The initial report states the child is sociable, happy. He calls me daddy and he told Social he likes his daddy and I make him laugh. He said he is happy when he is with me and his mummy. He said he wasn't afraid of anything. He was aware of the underpants rule and told Social what it meant. He advised Social that nobody has ever touched his private area or upset him. He had no concerns to report and presented as happy and sociable.
Social Services then go quiet and don't engage with me for 3 weeks. I escalated the matter as I wanted the risk assessment concluded and access to my kids. I can get no update but eventually the social worker phones and says this is going to be a difficult conversation. I try and collect myself and listen. He says in the middle of June an allegation was raised by the 4 year old that concerned Social, and there was now a police investigation.
They didn't want to tell me as they knew I had anxiety issues. The allegation is supposed to be sexual in nature, but because the investigating officer is on holiday for the next two weeks nothing can happen. It is now 5 weeks since the allegation was made and the police have been no where near me.
I have reported numerous incidents to the police about being abused and spat at, called paedophile. The police warned my ex and her mother they would be arrested as it was starting to amount as harassment.
The child has obviously been coached in some way to make this allegation because I absolutely refute it, and how can a 4 year old know about sexual stuff? The timing is odd as well it was made in the middle of June, two weeks after the report came out looking good for me.
The report says my ex had no previous concerns, and the child made clear to Social that nobody has harmed him in that way or touched him. So how can in the space or two weeks the child come and say something else when he initially made the claim he was happy etc. It makes no sense to me and I suppose im looking for impartial people to read this and tell me honestly what they think.
My solicitor has said nothing will come of it, its clear what has happened and they will pick up on whether he has been coached or not. I haven't seen the child in two months. These people have lied throughout this process and labelled me something im not. They told people for this exact reason. They want to push me over the edge, but I refuse to give in. I am not going anywhere and they need to understand that. I absolutely refute the allegation. I don't even know what I am accused of.
Sorry for the long post but I needed to get that off my chest. Please I ask you not to judge. I would like to read some impartial views on this.
I know I am in a bad situation but I have done nothing wrong other than love that child as my own. I firmly believe its the grandmother manipulating it all. My solicitor said its clear whats happened - you get a favourable report, it makes it clear the child is happy, everyones happy and two weeks later an allegation comes out.
it's quite common, especially when things go to court, that one parent will start inventing/exaggerating allegations to obstruct child contact for other parent. i think you should keep chasing social, for update on this case. also speak to your solicitor about next steps. if your going to be denied child contact going forward, then you could look at taking the legal route. but if your medical/mental health situation is unstable, then that is likely to go against you and make things more difficult.
Thanks bill. Social have said there is a police investigation going on and they are working behind it.
The allegation which I don't even know what it is, was made 5 or 6 weeks ago and I have had no contact whatsoever from the police.
I have reported my ex and her mother on multiple occasions for harassment and they have been warned they face arrest.
Just devestated that things were looking positive, the report was clear the child was happy, and an absurd allegation is made, coming from the child apparently. The child has been coached there is no doubt.
I am stuck in limbo nerves away, feeling depressed and wondering whether I am going to have the police arrest me over some nonsense. 5 weeks with no information. And 2 months since I last seen my son.
Feel for you and the terrible situation you are in.
I have lots of experience with the police, all I can say is that they can be slow and it is something you have to ride out.
Unfortunately social services will let the investigation conclude before doing anything and same goes for the courts as they all err on the side of caution.
I can only suggest that in the meantime you focus on yourself both physically and mentally so that you are ready for when you speak to the police (if they do) and social services and the family courts.
Do you have a criminal law solicitor yet? If so what's their advice re the police? If not maybe consider one, you get free consultation anyway.
You mentioned 2 kids, are either yours? If not youd struggle to enforce any legal rights to see them.
The oldest one 4 is not mine, but the youngest is.
Yes I have spoken to a solicitor who has said nothing will come of it, and she doubts I will even be interviewed. She said it was obvious what was happening. A report was released showing the child was happy and hadn't been abused, they received a copy and haven't liked its contents and have coached the child into disclosing something.
She assures me the authorities are trained to spot coaching. I have just lost all faith in people with all of this.
Hi, Sorry to hear your having a hard time. Were all facing somehwat the same situation. Whether there true or false someone of have accused of all sorts of things. All it seems to do is slow the progress down while all parties do vigorous checks, how long it takes is unkown but at the end once all excuses ex uses have been exhusted what else can they use, eventually youll get contact with kids, just be very patient and very understanding. The best thing to do is work on yourself during this time so your a better dad and person for them when that time comes.
All I can say is keep you head up, stay focused and stay positive. If it bring you any comfort. If the police was told you would have been arrested str8 away, there cant be an investigation without presenting a case to you. Maybe they were looking for a reaction but they would have never told you the police was looking into the matter till the police came knocking. So ignore it.
For me this is a life experience and having lost everything I could class it as a midlife crises. I was at rock bottom and the thought of taken my own life at the beginning was clear but then what would my kids think of me, the thought of them not having me around pushed me out of the dark place I was in.
When this is all over and done with, youll find urself in a better place and around your kids. Just be very patient.
all you can do is remain calm and wait for police to complete their investigation. i dont think investigation is necessarily going to delay you seeing your 4 month old child . it will be more the stress and anxiety of been accused of something you havent done. positive thing is you havent been arrested and case at some point will likely be no further action and closed. afterwards it will be then arranging contact with your child and going through family court process