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TOPIC: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH?????

When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 7 months ago #4002

  • thelb
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after months of trying to understand if my wife rearly wants a divorce or not. i have spent months organising meetings with solicitors and mediators only for my wife to not attend. i even had to arrange the divorce papers for her to sign which she still has not. i even agreed to do alternative weekends away from the family home which she pays not bills other than food shopping and the childrens clothing so to give her time with the children we have 4 under 8.

i have now decided enough is enough and told her at the weekend that i was no longer willing to do the weekend thing. this did not go down well it was met with a tantrum and abuse from her infront of the children. i did not react which probably got to her as she wants me to that way she can have a reason to get me out of the house. the final straw was yesterday when my 6 yr old son asked me to make him some toast for breakfast which she did not agree with and what followed was not nice she pushed and punched me infront of the children makeing them cry and upset.

when all was calmed down and she left the house for the day i had time to reflect on what had happened and decided to make that call to the police that my solicitor had suggested i do should she attack me again(not an easy thing to do)

i constantly ask my self have i done the right thing by getting the police involved???

your thought are welcomed

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 7 months ago #4003

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If there is a criminal act, then you definitely want the police involved - it sounds as though it could be a bitter court process, and you want all facts backed up by any agencies (police, social services) as this will make it far more clear cut.

Well done for not reacting back - it's a hard thing to do, and it also means that your children will think all the better of you for the way you behaved.

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 7 months ago #4012

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Cheers,

having spoken with the police it is now their policy to arrest the person acussed of assalt but i managed to persuade them that on this occasion i would rather they did not luckily they agreed and just gave her a warning but at the same time made it clear to her should it happen again i would have no say and she would be arrested.

the plolicewomen did say something positive in my defence my wife told her the reason she reacted the way she did was because i was not reacting and keeping calm which rearly got to her.

SO IF YOU CAN ALL YOU DADS OUT THERE KEEP CALM IT WILL REWARD YOU IN THE END!!!!!!!!

Hopefully this is a wake up call for her and we can take this forward with out harming the children any more

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 7 months ago #4015

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|Hi

It sounds as if you and your kids are going through a tough time. I would imagine they must be feeling very confused, angry and stressed emotionally. You did exactly the right thing in not reacting regardless of her behaviour.

You are not responsible for the way she reacts to your calm manner and I do feel you did the right thing in contacting the police - if only to show your kids that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable and wrong in every way.

You describe you wife as having a tantrum and this is how I would view it - she hasn't got her way so behaves badly.

Keep it up and be strong, unfortunately you have a long road ahead of you but the light at the end of tunnel will gradually appear.

Show your kids that no matter what you are there for them , make an extra effort to pay your children attention ,especially on a busy day or when the stress is getting to you - it's also a great way for you to let off steam.

If you're under a great amount of stress and know that it's affecting your children ring Parentline (0808 800 2222, http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk ) they are open 24 hours a day.

Keep in touch and let all of us know how you are getting on.

Mags

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Mags
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To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. ~Josh Billings

Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 7 months ago #4030

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thanks

the update is this - when i got home on tuesday i found that my wife has taken all of the childrens toys, bedding, clothes, 2 TV's, food from the cupboard and fridge, basicaly everything. when i asked why she had done this she replied because she does not feel safe in the house???????? and when i aske if i could have the children at the weekend at first she said No then she said i could but they are not alowed to sleep over why ? i said her repliy was because i do not trust you ???????.

i have spoken with my solicitor he has advised my to back off for the minute and we are to meet on monday to sought things out.

she has now agreed to let me have them on saturday and sunday but only from 12.00 - 6.00. THIS WILL CHANGE !!!!!

she is obviously trying the power gamer and also trying to change the norm to show how much she does with the children hopefully the right people will see this is not the case.

i also bumped into a so called friend of ours and was told that i was bang out of order and that she did not want to talk to me. Oh dear what has she been feeding them???
:?

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 6 months ago #4098

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thelb wrote: Oh dear what has she been feeding them???
:?


Her side of the story I'm afraid. Not reacting is still the best thing you can do.

I still have this problem years later - despite the conclusive evidence of her problems and reports by the police, Cafcass and evidence in court, my ex still convinces all that she has done nothing wrong (and to people who don't know the situation, tells them that the children live with me because that's what we agreed) and there's nothing I can do to argue against it as I'm not even allowed to show the court order - let alone more detailed evidence - to her family/friends (I still take the children to see her family every year). Just something you have to live with.

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 6 months ago #4119

Hi

Actd - how did you cope with it ? and who did you turn to for support?

Mario

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 6 months ago #4126

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mario,
other than the usual (solicitors, parent line) most of my strength has come from family who have been suportive but not to the point of being over one sided they have allowed me to make my own call. if you have a good solicitor try and put your tust in him/her at the end of the day thats what you are paying them for. i believe strongly to go with your gut feeling once you have the proper advice. it has also helped that i have been having counselling thie helps you speak to some one who is neutral and impartial.

update

saw solicitor and he had a letter from my wife's solicitor basicaly they have asked that i leave the marital home so that she and the children can return if i do not agree to this they will apply for a eviction notice to have me removed (on what grounds as it was she that assaulted me???) i amnot preventing her or the children from coming home where they belong its up to her to ack like an adult and control her anger,the letter also said that i have been telling the children that mummy is not well and that she needs help (not true i did say this but to her and not infront of the children).

After several txt conversation she has allowed me to have the children thurday night, but it was hard work to get this as she did noty want them to stay over. so now i will have all 4 over night and will take the boys to school friday and take the girls back to her at her mums RESULT!!! .

papers have now been served to the courts!!

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 6 months ago #4127

hI thelb,

I'm glad your family are being so supportive and that you have enlisted the help of the Dadtalk community and parent line (what a wise dad you are ;) )

I'm really glad to see that you are getting access to your kids and are able to have them over night - well done mate, I'm made up for you.

You seem to have dealt with a very difficult set of circumstances in a very logical way.

Keep the faith

and keep in touch

Gooner

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 6 months ago #4128

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As I have said before, keep an accurate record of all text messages, and any other communications, for your solicitor. May be worth trying to avoid speaking to her, and having all conversations in writing - ask your solicitor for his opinion on this.

SM - My family rallied round both for emotional and financial support (substantial in both cases) plus a lot of advice which was immensely helpful. My solicitor was brilliant and I trusted him implicitly. And, without the support of my current wife (makes it sound as if there might be a next one - there won't - the custody battle happened 4 years after the divorce in my case), I still don't think I'd have got through it so well.

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 6 months ago #4140

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Thank you all !!!

the next juney will be the next challange hopefully i can keep the same approach as i have and it will prove that i have done nothing wrong, i have tried every avenue to save the marriage, i am a good dad and deserve the right to see my children as much as i can and that i deserve to be treated like a person instead of meal ticket. my wifes behaviour has been anything but reasonable and i hope this will reflect in the courts decision (Fingers crossed)

it not a lot to ask to be able to see your children and to live a live a life that is not full of trials and tribulations. Fareness is all i seek hopefully the tides are changing in our favour.

Spoilt people should not be allowed to go through life allways getting their own way!!!!!!

THANK ONCE AGAIN :D

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Re: When is ENOUGH ENOUGH????? 9 years 6 months ago #4160

Hi again

Just wondering if you had your children over Thursday night as planned or was there a change at the 11th hour? If you did get to spend time with them I hope it all went well. I'm sure they must have been so pleased to see you and this will give you the strength to keep going.

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