TOPIC: unloved and hated in marriage

unloved and hated in marriage 4 years 2 months ago #65734

Another day, another turn off the screw!!

I have spent the last 3 days, completely gutting, cleaning and repainting the outdoors, living room, bathroom and stairs ready for the valuation..
She did her usual Friday night thing and started at me straight away!!
I have ignored her, not spoken and she has got worse..

Yesterday I was questioned as to what I was doing n the evening, if I was planning to not go out (I never do) then she was! AGAIN...
So I went out, stopped away all night (no female involved) and have come home this morning to another tirade of abuse..
She is now claiming she can go to women's aid and be re homed tomorrow, the police will come to restrain me!! LOL like I will stop her!!
I actually will gladly throw her stuff on the front for her to leave..

I know she is trying to provoke me but I just sit back and grim, its pathetic the levels she stoops too and yet its her that has claimed she wants what is best.. At least the children will see her for what she is if she does go.

To be honest, I have had enough now and just want her to go away.
And when she finally realises what she has destroyed and why, I will have moved on so far, I will just sit back and watch her slide...

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unloved and hated in marriage 4 years 2 months ago #65756

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Hi afrench and actd,
The issue of contributing above the prescribed CM is a common (and irritating one). We have a shared residency order for our son, but my ex-wife receives the CB (as, I would venture, 99% of mothers do) and so according to the bizarre CSA logic I have to pay CM. actd is correct in that the CM should cover my contribution to my son's upkeep, but his mother expects me to pay at least half of his after school activities, school visits, residential trips and provide uniform. Although I'm not obliged to do so the alternative would be to embarrass my son by him not being able to enjoy all those things, indeed most of the time I pay for things outright rather than he or I having go through the hassle of asking his mother for a contribution (always difficult). I hear and read this is a very common occurrence, and it seems many mothers have no qualms regarding holding their children to ransom when it comes to extracting a little more money from their ex-husbands.
I'm not sure whether this helps you very much afrench, apart from the knowledge that there are many dads out there in exactly the same situation. You will still have to decide whether to pay for your childrens' breakfast meals and school trips, knowing that the alternative may be for them to go without those things.
Best wishes,

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unloved and hated in marriage 4 years 2 months ago #65807

Things moving fast, house valued, she is leaving end if July, has agreed to payments, care, etc and I have told her I want it signing and when house sale complete I will ask solicitor to confirm it all as legally protective for me.

The trust has vanished, I do now hate her and what she has become.
We still having petty, pathetic arguments but I have got closure to her.
The weekend knocked me down again but I am back fighting and moving forward.

I will remain in house, I have stated I will pay her half of mortgage etc £466 a month, and upon completion I want re-inbursing any costs I have incurred. She didn't like that and again started the same nasty pathetic comments.

My life will be so much brighter without her, no more resentment, no more rejection, no more egg shells...

The doctor has said I am in fantastic condition, he was going down a long term medication Road but doesn't feel he needs to, has took me off work to enable me to be fully restored.
That's the difficult bit for me, I love my work, my work enables me to live and through everything in my life, work has always been there...
I know I need the time, I want to be back as ME, not the weak person she made me..

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unloved and hated in marriage 4 years 2 months ago #66017

What a week...

More threats of social services, more threats about the 'amicable' solutions she wanted, all our past memories, albums, cards etc have been thrown into skips by her..
I am still in shock of the person she now is, you really think you know someone, 16 years behind a screen/cover, how does someone do that!!
Every Thursday we seem to talk, Friday she ignores me, and fires shots all weekend for a reaction!! The weeks are so repetitive...

I have seen a solicitor, I am going for a deed of separation as soon as house is sold.
I cant trust her, don't like her and want to be free from her permanently..

The children have started to be effected, my daughter has picked up a bug which is normal when she gets stressed..
I had to spend quality time with each individually on Saturday, yesterday I took them to a fire open day, they have sad eyes on the pictures I took..
I am hoping to give them next weekend away for an overnight stay to my parents in the lake district, then I will be working weekends again soon so its a good chance for a quick break..
The wife is interrogating them every time I go anywhere with them, then using it to have another go at me, threating me again.

I cant see this ending without court, I just hope I don't loose my children, all I have ever been is a loving, caring, supporting dad...

But, life is life, what will be will be, I now am waiting to start re-building mine....
Exciting times ahead!!!

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unloved and hated in marriage 4 years 2 months ago #66035

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  • Thank you received: 1785's good to be philosophical about your situation, it just makes it easier to detach emotionally.

It might be a good idea to have a chat with the school and see if you can get some kind of pastoral care in place for the children...someone they can talk to about their worries. Even if she can't put the children first, you can!

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.