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TOPIC: Advice please

Advice please 2 months 2 weeks ago #100758

  • myles
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Good afternoon all. I have a beautiful daughter who is currently just over 3 weeks old. Me and my ex-partner had a very difficult pregnancy, constantly falling out and not seeing each other. She suffers from anxiety and takes tablets daily to help with it. Even after our ups and downs during our relationship and pregnancy, I was there at the birth by her side supporting her and spent the majority of time with her and my daughter during my paternity leave even though we do not live together (she found herself somewhere to live during one our arguments). I have recently started sending her money which was more than what she suggested but now apparently it is not enough as she has been on the government website and done a calculation based on my income. I am happy to pay her more weekly but we need to come to an agreement between us. But, what I would like to do is have my daughter to myself, take her to see my family etc. even for the day or a few hours. I understand she is still young and last night we were in A&E together as a family as my daughter wasn’t very well. She then kicked off again as I left at 5am as I had been at work since 7am and hadn’t been to sleep in between. Going down the route of asking/agreeing time with my daughter, am I best to just go straight in at the deep end with the C100 form. I just want to guarantee I and my family get time to see my first child and both my parents their first grandchild. Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read.

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Advice please 2 months 2 weeks ago #100759

  • C420
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Hi , The courts do have a ‘ no order ‘ principle where they can decide against making any child arrangement orders. So there is no guarantee you would get a CAO. They also prefer parents to come to amicable agreements first before going down the court route and to even get it into court you would have to prove you had attended a mediation session first ( the mediator gives you a form which needs to be submitted with the application to court )

Because you haven’t actually been refused contact and do appear , as a whole , to be pretty amicable my advice world be to try a persevere . Keep everything civil and child focus and see how you get on . I would however, keep a diary of when you see your daughter , any contact refusals etc so that if you do end up going down the court route then you have some accurate history to refer to if necessary.

I also do not think the courts would award you a full day with your baby right now , due to her age . I believe from what other members have said that the norm would be regular , short contact of maybe a couple of hours at a time . I don’t have experience of this myself personally as my son was 2 when I split with my ex so I’m sure other members could give you more accurate information. From what I have read , overnights usually start from around 2 years old but again I don’t personally have experience of this .
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Advice please 2 months 2 weeks ago #100771

hi,

agree with other member. you seem to be on quite reasonable terms. babies too young for you to take her long distance or spend day with family. in my court case, baby was about 4-5 months old. court ordered that i spend 30 minutes a week with her. thats gone up to 1 hour when she was 6-7 months old. just stay nearby the ex, in coffee shop or park if weathers good. at age 1 i am expecting baby to be at my place for a couple of hours,for a day. overnights from age 2 hopefully.

try arrange to see baby with your ex. be reasonable. only apply to court if she refuses child contact. also bear in mind if you get court order rolling, she is likely to go through child maintenance service as retaliation. it happens.
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Advice please 2 months 2 weeks ago #100785

  • myles
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Hi Bill,
Thanks for your reply and I understand what you’re saying.
It’s amazing what can happen in 24 hours and she has told me that she wants to change my daughters surname back to her surname (as we’re not married). She has asked me to sign this and I am not going to. She has also enticed me to take her to court several times and asked me not to turn up on the days we have agreed mutually in evenings to spend a little time with my daughter.
I feel now that the only resolution is to take further action but I am not sure what next steps to take. Could you advise me on this if you know anything? Thanks again.

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Advice please 2 months 2 weeks ago #100790

  • Yoda
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As said above - you would need to attempt mediation before any legal action can commence. Perhaps suggest that to the mother to see if you can nip this in the bud and get everything dealt with sooner rather than later.

If mediation fails because she won't attend or won't agree, then you could look at court action.

It's amazing how quickly things can spiral out of control so I would suggest trying to agree whatever you can in the short term and try to get mediation set up if it's apparent you can't agree together.

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Advice please 2 months 2 weeks ago #100810

hi myles,

im sorry to hear that. this name changing crap.she can change childs name to peppa pig, but it doesnt change the fact who the father is. when i was sitting in court, i overheard 2 other lawyers arguing, because some silly woman wants to change kids names.

my ex did similar, almost goading me. if i want to take legal route then i am free to do so. she thought i wouldnt do it because of the costs involved. lol :) the times i was seeing kids was reducing week by week, and no overnights. so it was court time.

it sounds like she doesnt give a damn any more. make another attempt to reaching your own agreements. if it doesnt work, then book an appointment with a family mediator. can book a session for under £100

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Advice please 2 months 2 weeks ago #100834

  • Mojo
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The baby is still very young, you would be wise to allow the mother to set the pace for the next couple of months, forcing her hand at this stage will only get her back up and that will make contact even more difficult.

If she’s a first time Mum she’s likely to be over protective, but that should settle a she gets used to being a Mum. If she is breastfeeding, contact time would need to fit around that for the first few months too... patience will be needed I’m afraid.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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