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TOPIC: Lost and not sure what to do

Lost and not sure what to do 3 years 7 months ago #78799

Ok so this might be a little long winded but here goes.

Fell in love with best friend, she felt the same i thought and we got together. Two months, if that later, we are trying for a baby as we both wanted it after three years of being best friends. We just work.

19 weeks in and we've split up after she ended it with trust issues. She has told her friends all sorts previously, personal stuff about me, I didn't say a word. I missed two payments on my car finance at the beginning due to the car being damaged and now it's under threat of being repossessed, I told her this, but it caused an issue, even though a month ago I had to buy her car before it was taken away.

We are now not talking even though I've tried and she says there is no trust there and she trusts no one. To me it has come down to money but I'm now worried she might use our unborn son against me and not let me to the birth or later on. I'm a bloke but it's breaking me thinking about it all. We were so close, I love her and it's all gone tits up and I'm worried.

Do I request we sell the car so I get money back but leave her with some to buy another car? Car would sell for about £8500, I have £5300 loan out for car :/

Anyone else been in a split whilst still pregnant, how to handle it.

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Lost and not sure what to do 3 years 7 months ago #78801

  • actd
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Have you considered going to Relate, and would she consider going? I think it would be worth a try.

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Lost and not sure what to do 3 years 7 months ago #78802

We've both gone to separate counselling sessions which was another issue, we live in a small area and ended up contacting the same counsellor. Soon as she told me who her counsellor was I had to contact the counsellor and advise that I couldn't attend as it was conflict of interest.

I have now had two sessions but don't think she is ready for relate yet. I'm trying not to contact her but have our scan next week so need to see her. After that I need to leave her in space, but need to discuss her car as well which I know Will be the fuse to the bomb. Nightmare here, but we both have kids from previous relationships that need to come first as well as ourselves. Once we get smoother I will enquire about relate as we will also need mediation for the unborn son.

Was so excited about our future together and now everything has been taken away in one swoop.

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Lost and not sure what to do 3 years 7 months ago #78815

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Hi giving her space but letting her know you are there is probably the best option right now. I hope she will agree to some joint sessions of counselling or mediation, perhaps that would be the time to discuss the car and financial aspects in the hope that it won't escalate too much?

Good luck, keep posting and we will do what we can to support you.

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Lost and not sure what to do 3 years 7 months ago #79121

as above maybe when your both in a session together that would be the right time to talk about the car situation .
iv been in somthing simlar to this but not to the exstent of that money i manged to sort things out without counciling but that was more luck then anything when it comes to talking to a woman about somthing of the matter they get on the hight hourse very easy.
at the start i found it very hard which and afder sorting things out we didnt end up getting back togother and she didnt have the baby , but this wont be your case.
letting her now that your there and ready to listen , talk , suport her will help her see straight this is where i went wrong and after it all i seen where i went wrong.

hope this helps
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Lost and not sure what to do 3 years 7 months ago #79167

Same happened to me my ex and I were friends for years then when she fell pregnant that was it she hated my guts barred me from all the scans ect it was horrific, In reality there isn't an awful lot you can do it's absolute torture but you have to tread careful her hormons ect will be all over the place and will kick off if she feels like you are hounding her so try and take a step back and just be there in the back ground until hopefully she comes around try not to make the situation any worse and try not to let it take over your life.

All the best

Slim :)

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I'm no way trained in Family court matters so don't take my ramblings as gospel but I've been through the Court mill and learned so much along the way I just like passing my experience on to other Dads who face this absolute nightmare from hell, you might not be able to beat the system but don't let it beat you :)
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