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TOPIC: Where to start?

Where to start? 1 year 4 months ago #90137

Hi all.
1st time expectant father, 36.
New relationship. Someone I've known for 18 months but only been together for a couple of months. Found out valentines night that we're expecting, 4 weeks gone (completely unplanned), she also asked for a break/thinking time at same time. Head is spinning. So much going on in such a short time. Not sure relationship will continue, as much as I hope we can reconcile. From what we talked about, there were some issues (I have come on a little strong, too quick) I don't see anything as insurmountable with a little work. I recognise my mistakes and am happy to work through things. Didn't get the best vibe back (though conversation about us was overshadowed by bombshell of jnr).
Trying to separate our issues from jnr, we're on good enough terms to co-parent if thats the outcome. Ideally work things out, for us not just jnr.
Somewhat overwhelming in such a short period of time. Been difficult to process it all in last few days.
Any insights people can offer would be welcomed?

Been talking to people bout relationship with friends. Keeping jnr under wraps till 1st scan. (Exception being some mutual friends she's told, who I'm talking everything through with).

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Where to start? 1 year 4 months ago #90142

  • Mojo
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Hi there

Wow that's a lot to take in in such a short space of time... no wonder your head's spinning.

With the pregnancy at such an early stage, hopefully you have time to iron out the issues, but I think the best thing you can do right now is to give her the space and thinking time that she asked for.

I would let her know that you are there for her, but respect her wishes and will give her the space she needs. Perhaps you can send her some flowers with a note attached.... but then back right off.

Pretty soon her hormones will be all over the place, she may act out of character, she may send mixed messages, but for sure she will be feeling overwhelmed and fearful of what the future might hold. Let her take the lead, and be guided by that right now.

It's great that you have friends that can support you both.

Allthe best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Where to start? 1 year 4 months ago #90145

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Here's a link to the Expecting section over on our main site

www.dad.info/expecting

It might help you to understand what the next few months might have in store, in more practical terms.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Where to start? 1 year 4 months ago #90149

Thanks for the insight Mojo.

We started off talking bout us. There have been some minor differences of opinion over last week or so. Nothing that on its own we shouldn't have been able to talk through. Tbh I'm struggling to recall how she phrased things. A break, thinking time, time apart. I'm just not sure what it means. It's the lack of clarity that's affecting me.

I just think I need a little more clarity, not necessarily a final decision but a bit more insight as to where we are and what she's thinking about, probably by the end of the month. Maybe I'm being selfish. I just feel I'm in limbo.

On the baby side. When we spoke on the night I told here I would always be there for her and jnr, regardless what happens to us. There's still alot to think about and eventually for us to discuss but I'm strangely feeling ok about it at the mo. I've decided to tell a couple more individuals so I have people to talk too. 8 months to work through it.

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Where to start? 1 year 4 months ago #90157

I think letting her have some time to work this out is sensible ultimately it is her body which will go through the change and she's probably worrying about not been able to work, finances, additional help via family & friends and of course what happens between you to.

fair play for wanting to be in the child's life regardless of which road you and her take, I'm not going to lie it is going to be rough for you been on the outside of the pregnancy if she decides you two aren't going to be together.
But you just need to make sure you are available & supportive and also tell your close friends and family about what is happening as you to need people to help you through it.

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Last Edit: by AndyG14.

Where to start? 1 year 4 months ago #90158

Thanks Andy.
We've agreed to meet next weekend to talk, Hopefully get some clarity. I'll give her space till then.

I've told a couple of friends, just to have an outlet to talk too. Keeping it under wraps from family and other friends until the 1st scan.

I have a close friend who is going through a messy co-parenting situation, court appearances and all. I see how hessy it can get. When speaking to GF last week she said she wouldn't be unreasonable over things if things didn't work out, but that's easy to say now.

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Where to start? 1 year 3 months ago #90202

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Sounds like you both need space and thinking time for now. Giving someone else space or allowing yourself to have space are both difficult things to do, but really will get the best outcomes usually.

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I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.

Where to start? 1 year 3 months ago #90212

Thanks Yoda
We exchanged a few brief messages at weekend, arranged to meet next weekend to talk, so will leave her to think till then. Hopefully get some clarity.

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Where to start? 1 year 3 months ago #90533

Today I was told that we'd miscarried. I can't describe how i feel, the last 3 weeks have been extremely tough, this news is a bitter blow to say the least.

I hope one day I am back on these boards in happier circumstances.
Thank you for all your insights, good luck to you all

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Where to start? 1 year 3 months ago #90563

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Oh, so sorry to hear this. Please feel free to come on here for help, or to message us privately if you wish.

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Where to start? 1 year 3 months ago #90597

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Sorry to hear this Kelvin, hope you're bearing up... as said, if you need to talk we're here to listen.

Take good care of yourself.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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