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TOPIC: new dad and scared

new dad and scared 7 years 6 months ago #12941

i am going to be a new father and i am scared i am going be like my dead beat father any tips ?

my dad was always around for me until my brothers and sister come around then i didnt even get a look in it got to the stage were i would do everything the rest of my siblings wanted to do and then it got that bad i moved in with my granfather and i do not want my kids to ever feel like the way i did

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Last Edit: by daddy2be.

Re: new dad and scared 7 years 6 months ago #12944

Hello and welcome aboard!

First off, don't be scared about becomming a dad for the first time! It is an amazing experience, you won't be ready for feeling the unconditional love for a tiny thing that can't talk etc, its earth shattering!

I had a really rough childhood too (which FYI I just finished a course of counciling for).

The trick is this, use your experience with your own dad as a bible of what not to do! The hard part is not overdoing it! I know with both my own kids while I would never knock them across the room like my step dad did to me, I would go too far the other way and would be terrified of disciplining them at all! I have found a happy medium now and I will tell my eldest off when its required etc and it has actually improved our relationship as there is now respect in addition to love.

My eldest is only 4 right now but she is the best thing that ever happened to me. Since she was born I actually felt like I have started to heal. 2 months ago now when my 2nd little girl came along, it was a shock to the system but I now feel like a proper dad!
The following user(s) said Thank You: Goonerplum, Darren

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Re: new dad and scared 7 years 6 months ago #12945

Hi welcome

I agree with Vegeeta and it's great that he has shared his own experience, hopefully that will set your mind at rest a little.

As he say's find that happy medium and don't be afraid to say no, or to allow your child to just fit in around what you do, it will make them well rounded when they grow up, being told "no" gives bounderies amd although they will always try and push these as far as they can, they still need to be there.

Finally I really strongly agree where Vegeeta talks about the respect that his child has for him since he disciplined him as I have had this too with both my own son and my step son.

Be scared as this is healthy and natural, but face it head on, and drop by with any advise you may need.

Darren

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I'm not a legal proffesional and don't have any legal experience other than going through court myself. but offer my experience to help others

Re: new dad and scared 7 years 6 months ago #12994

Being a dad for the first time is daunting, it is also the most fantastic experience that you will be brilliant at.

The fact that you are raising a concern is great because it means you care and that is the most important thing.

We all make mistakes and it is hard but it is also very rewarding

As previously said learn from your childhood and use it as the opportunity to ensure your kids have a great upbringing

Good luck

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Re: new dad and scared 7 years 6 months ago #13022

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We all are scared...took me about 18 months to actually feel like a dad, ie this is really me, but it just gets better and better. Discipline with me is the firm but fair but kids are generally eager to please so lots of praise and lots of choices work. Good luck my friend.

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Re: new dad and scared 7 years 6 months ago #13061

huck wrote: We all are scared...took me about 18 months to actually feel like a dad, ie this is really me, but it just gets better and better. Discipline with me is the firm but fair but kids are generally eager to please so lots of praise and lots of choices work. Good luck my friend.


On the contrary, my wife tells me off for giving our daughter too much choice lol.

It is all a fine line but it really is cool, trust us all on that.

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