TOPIC: Can somebody give me some advice please?

Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 2 weeks ago #93469

  • Mojo
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This is down to a lack of communication, I do feel that you should have contacted the mother to confirm it was ok to drop her off, but it was totally wrong of the grandmother to behave in that way too.

I would hope that the mother pointed out to her mother that she was wrong, but not sorting out the arrangements during school holidays is the responsibility of both parents.

You need to communicate with the mother and make sure that adequate arrangements are in place when she is in work. If the grandmother isnt prepared to be flexible with drop offs then alternative arrangements need to be made.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 2 weeks ago #93474

  • wizkid
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Hi Mojo,

Thanks for your comments, I fully take on board the comment about lack of communication. I would want nothing more than to be able to have a civil conversation about our child but I find it hard to get to any sort of solution with this women unless it's working the way she wants it to, which then leads to verbal abuse, comments made on social media and so forth, hence the reason the communication is how it is. I should also point out that the arrangements were already set in the past but more recently because I've been having my child more (as I prefer her to be with me) I haven't dropped her off earlier because she wasn't bothered about playing with her friends.

I think I'm going to explore the option of going to a family court.

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Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 2 weeks ago #93475

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You would need to attempt mediation first, she may be more amenable to getting a solid arrangement in place to avoid court.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 2 weeks ago #93477

  • wizkid
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Thanks Mojo, I'll look into that.

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Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 1 week ago #93597

  • wizkid
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Hi all,

So I'm back at another week where I've had my child overnight and she would like me to drop her off mid-day so she can play with her friends. Just as a reminder, I have my child overnight on a Wednesday but because I work from home, my x partner thinks it's ok to drop her off first thing in the morning which is fine with me but as soon as I tell her that our child wants to come back and play on a Thursday which is technically her day the abuse begins. I'm trying to keep my child happy without telling her the in's and out's about why she couldn't stay at home and why she thinks she can't go home until a specific time but it's getting harder.

I took your advice about communication and as expected it didn't go well. I made my x partner aware that our child wanted to be dropped off mid-day to play with her friends and to make sure her mum knows (as she watches the other 2 children) and if not she needs to arrange alternative childcare.

As expected, my x partner got defensive, abusive and told me that if I drop her off she is going to stop me seeing her on a Wednesday and she also said she would call the CMS and tell them my days have now been reduced.

Due to all the abuse, she started to give me, I never responded to any of it but I told my child that if the same thing happens as last time, she would be staying with me rather than going there. I'm at a pass, I don't know if I should drop my child off given she wants to play with her friends and it's not my day now or I should keep my child more because of my concerns but I'd also essentially be falling into her controlling ways, what does the forum think?

Realistically, my X won't stop me seeing my child because I have just as much right as she does but can someone just ring the CSM and tell them the other parents days have now increased/reduced? how is this monitored?

Thanks for reading.

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Last Edit: by wizkid.

Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 1 week ago #93612

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I would put the needs and safety of your child first and try and forget that you're allowing her to control the situation.

It's often the case that if a receiving parent informs the CMS that overnight stays are reduced, they will take that as fact.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 1 week ago #93616

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In the end, I did end up doing just that! :-)

Ok so if it was the case that she did ring CMS and say my days had reduced but in reality, they'd not, would they allow me to prove that somehow?

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Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 1 week ago #93631

  • actd
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They are not very good at accepting proof, from past stories, but you can certainly try.

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Can somebody give me some advice please? 1 year 1 week ago #93640

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They would accept a court order usually.

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.