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TOPIC: Help for my poor brother pls

Help for my poor brother pls 8 months 3 weeks ago #96345

Hello I'm new here and just desperately need some advice and help for my poor brother.

He has been with his girlfriend for about 7 years and is in a terrible state. They have 3 little girls together aged 6, 5 and almost 1.
My brother is a great dad and very hands on and the girls love him dearly. His relationship has broken down with his girlfriend and did so many years ago. It is an unhealthy relationship and he has lost all of his friends over his girlfriend and has to lie to her when he sees his family as she is very controlling.
He wants out of the relationship but every time he tries to leave her she threatens him with the girls. She tells him he won't see the kids or he will only see them once a month etc. If he mentions court she laughs and tells him it will be a year before it goes to court and he won't see them in that year so they will forget him. She tells him they don't ask for him when he leaves or she will get them to call him crying and it is killing him so he always goes back. He adores his children and can't bear not to see them.
I know if he leaves her he can apply to court for his rights but he can't handle the time it will take and not being able to see them. He also can't bear the thought of only seeing them every fortnite if thats all the access he can get.

Can someone please advise on what his options are. Can he get an order in place so when he leaves he will have immediate access to his girls? And what sort of access is he likely to get? Where does he start?

Thank you to anyone that can help and for reading this long post. It is just so distressing to see him falling apart.

Kind regards, a very concerned sister.

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Help for my poor brother pls 8 months 3 weeks ago #96348

  • Mojo
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Hi there

I’m really sorry to hear about your poor brother... The strain of being in a controlling relationship will have taken its toll on him over the years.

If/once he leaves, his first step would have to be mediation to try and reach agreement, even if he doesn’t think it would work, it’s a requirement before a court application can be submitted.

He can ask for an interim order for contact, to resume after the first hearing and he would do that on the C100 application form.

If she is as controlling and manipulative as you say, worse case scenario, she is likely to make allegations of domestic violence to prevent him from seeing the girls. If that happens, the court would take a cautious approach and order full welfare reports before they'd make any order for contact... this could mean months without seeing his children.

I hate being the bearer of bad news, but we have seen this happen many times. It’s better that he is prepared once he make the move, he will need all his strength and patience to deal with the court process.

If he decides to use a solicitor, it will be expensive, although there is the option to self represent or use a good and reputable McKenzie friend.

All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

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