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TOPIC: Second family infidelities

Second family infidelities 8 months 2 weeks ago #96455

Hi all ... I am a dad! :)

My girlfriend of 10 years has recently been unfaithful by kissing a colleague while on a night out.

My girlfriend tends to get to a certain level of drunk then clicks .... as if a Jeckal and Hyde sort of scenario. Even if I am with her you can see the change in her and the way she acts.

It was her works Xmas party just gone. 11pm she phones me asking what food I want bringing in. Never heard anything else from her for the next 4 hours ... I was worried... cos I phoned her 10 times. She would usually answer.

Got in my car at 4am and only 1 nightclub was open sen her staggering down the road with a work colleague. She was smashed. No phone or bag. .. her friend took it home I found out and picked it Up The same night after dropping my girlfriend home and she fell asleep on the toilet.

It looked on her phone and her friend stated ... I tried to stop you but you kept going back. .eventually when she talked to her friend. She was dancing and kissing this collegue for a good part of the night. But couldn't remember.

I am struggling to forgive her. She is sorry and said she won't drink again .... But when I am drunk I really do know what I am doing. That's where I desperately need guidance.

I am not sure if drunk amnesia is a common issue but it is affecting our 10 year relationship with an 8 year old son.

Do we need counselling or is it me that needs to be more lenient?


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Last Edit: by petermesh.

Second family infidelities 8 months 2 weeks ago #96460

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You don't need to be more lenient. You've lost trust. She has to prove to you now nothing will ever happen again.
If she's good and truly is sorry and loves you she won't drink again or go to parties without you because she'll know you will be at home worried and she wouldn't want to do that to you and risk breaking the family up.

Regarding alcohol related amnesia, I was seeing a girl along time ago, lady like really nice girl on the face of it but she was damaged, I'd see a jekyll and Hyde change as you put it after one bottle of wine, two bottles of wine she was anybodies and didn't remember a thing, not marriage material but ok for fun if you were a cheat like I was when younger.
So I believe if a woman hasn't got the control and allows herself to lose control she is damaged and not long term partner /marriage material, one mistake ok but if she's not willing to do everything to never allow it to happen again she's not worth your time.
Sad thing is I actually fell for a damaged woman and I wasted nearly ten years of my life.
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Second family infidelities 8 months 2 weeks ago #96477

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She obviously has issues with alcohol and she needs to address this. I’ve known a couple of women that have had alcoholic amnesia, I do believe it’s possible that she is telling the truth about not remembering.

Kissing someone else is cheating, but it’s not as if she slept with him, so I think if you’re both prepared to put the effort in, you can get past this.

Counselling might help you to deal with this, heres a link to Relate


All the best

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DadTalk Moderator... I'm not legally trained and my responses are my own views based on my experiences of the family court. I have plenty of common sense and can offer you emotional support and guide you to answers.

Second family infidelities 8 months 1 week ago #96506

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I definitely think you need to go to counselling, it may help you both to heal this assuming that you want to, and may also bring out any other more deep seated issues that could also do with being addresses. Certainly I think it's worth a try rather than just walking away and regretting it afterwards.

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Second family infidelities 8 months 1 week ago #96537

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You definitely need to address the issues but I don't think it's worth walking away unless it's something that happens a lot. You've lost trust in her and she needs to earn it back. The relate website has a section on how to deal with these sorts of issues and could be helpful for you both to look at and use as a tool for discussion. If it raises bigger issues then maybe suggest a few counselling sessions together?

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DAD.info Moderator

I have several years experience supporting parents in family proceedings as a McKenzie Friend. I am, however, not a lawyer or barrister and my responses are based on my own opinions or experiences of the family court.
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